Friday, November 16, 2012

Am I Dead Yet?

Did you ever have one of those days that when you thought it couldn't possibly get any worse, it did? Yesterday it was like that around here. I do not have to explain the wide range of horrible emotions that go through the caregiver's heart when they feel even for an instant that they missed something. We can feel like we do a very poor job - it does not matter if it's true or not. You see a sore, miss a feeding; it could be anything that just happens because even though caregivers are awesome - we must admit we are not perfect.

On one hand we get this superman mentality like, if I can do this (caregiving), I must be able to do anything! This is accompanied by emotions from the other end of the spectrum that are associated with feeling like life is over for us. This is most likely the way it will be from here on out for many of us. Life as we knew it BC (before caregiving) is no more. The lifestyle we had may have slowly oozed away with the declining health of a loved one; or it may have been stripped away in an instant by a tragedy.

When we are down this can weigh on us very heavily. We cannot just jump up and go to the movie, to have coffee with a friend or to the store. Even if our loved one is mobile it's not always as easy as it sounds.  I did not die when I became a caregiver. I still love, laugh, cry, work and play like I did before; it just looks a lot different and is in a different setting than it used to be.

While I was thinking about life BC yesterday and dealing with pressing issues I had this wonderful epiphany. I am not dead. And immediately my mind went to Romans 8:11 which says:  But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you. The Old KJV says He will quicken - put life into my body. I held on to that scripture yesterday as it got tougher the longer the day went. I meditated on the truth that His Spirit lives inside of me to give me strength.

Today, I will continue to meditate on this truth. He lives inside me...and I am not dead yet! In Him no matter what my life looks like, I am alive! I will move out of the way today and let His life live this life through me! (Galatians 2:20)

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