Thursday, June 11, 2015

I'm Not Super-Human?

Caregiving can consume us so much that others and ourselves forget we have other things going on in our lives. Since I started on this caregiving journey I've become a runner, a writer and a grandma! I have another adult child who can really feel like she lost her mom in the deal. And what's frustrating to me about it is that I can't do a thing to change it.

We have started having a mother/daughter weekend every year around her birthday; and we got to make a trip to Indianapolis recently to attend a good friend's wedding. She helps me out a lot and I watch the grandkids sometimes to help her out.

Today she's having a surgical procedure and I can't be there with her. It is certainly not because I don't want to be there for her, it's because there's no one to sit with my son during the week. Even the help I do have (paid or not) have other responsibilities and jobs. Of course, I don't even have an aide right now (one of our chief frustrations). And so today my heart is torn in two wanting to be there for her but being stuck in what can feel like a prison at times.

So what is a caregiver to do when they feel their heart is being torn in two? For me it's run right to the Psalms. This morning when I woke up I started out praying for my daughter and her family. Immediately my heart started singing a psalm we had put to music years ago. It goes like this:

Hear my cry O Lord
Attend unto my prayer
From the ends of the earth
Will I cry unto to You
And when my heart is overwhelmed
Lead me to the rock 
That is higher than I - that is higher than I.

Today I need to be led to the rock that is higher, stronger and wiser than I am! The odd thing is that it's not the caregiving that weighs the heart in situations like this. It's the other life-things that make the journey so difficult. There have been many such situations over the years where I've felt trapped by caregiving. But we adjust, remind ourselves we are not super-human, we cannot be everywhere all at once; and move on.

Today I will meditate on the truth that He holds my heart in His hands. I will think about how He will strengthen me and keep me through this bump in the road. My thoughts will turn to resting in Him and letting Him fill me with peace; and I will wait on him one more time. Will you join me?

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