Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Maybe He Knew Too

I know the scripture says His mercies are new every morning, but maybe it should have explained that there would be mornings we'd have to look a little harder to find them. Maybe it's just me, but my mind is racing with the day's responsibilities almost before I get both eyes opened. And then of course, any tiny thing out of step or above and beyond the caregiver's "norm" can catapult us into another state.

Personally, I battle depression and anxiety. That'll wear you out right there. I can be floating along doing real good and something unexpected happens and my emotions flat-line. But that's okay because once my head kicks back in, it goes 900 miles an hour with possible scenarios of things that are not likely to ever even happen. I can be emotionally spent over the tiniest adjustment to my day.

It's probably because as caregivers we run on the edge all.the.time. There's no break. We live in a state of caring constantly for another person. We make decisions for and about them, take care of very personal needs as well as basic needs and oftentimes let our own needs go because there are just 24 hours in a day. Our emotions can be taut like a rubber band stretched to its max and one itsy bitsy change can send us flying off the edge. (Maybe it's just me.)

I had a wide range of emotions yesterday as my son turned 33. It wasn't his age - it was the lack of birthday wishes really. There were a few and I'm thankful - but as is the "norm" he seems forgotten as time goes on. I am sure it is to be expected in situations like this - but even what is expected can hurt your feelings a little bit. (Or a lot.)

This morning this was going over in my mind and I thought of the verse that says Even if my father and mother abandon me, the Lord will hold me close. Psalm 27:10 NLT I had to pull out my Bible and look it up and I'm glad I did because I noticed the scriptures right before it. David says in verse 9: Do not hide yourself from me. Do not reject your servant in anger. You have always been my helper. Don't leave me now; don't abandon me, O God of my salvation! 

I was like - did David really say that?  Did he really feel that? This "man after God's own heart" fought feelings of abandonment? He was just talking about God concealing him in His sanctuary earlier and out pops this - what if God leaves too? Of course he then answers his own questions (I do that too!) with the statement that God will hold him close. I like that.

Today, I'm going to lay aside the sadness from yesterday, the feelings of aloneness and the heaviness of abandonment. And I'm going to focus on that little phrase - the Lord will hold me close. I'm thinking that from that intimate, secret place - the rest really won't matter as much. I'm going to meditate on the truth that He doesn't abandon - ever, no matter how life feels. I'll turn my thoughts to His nearness, to His touch, to His tenderness and mercy - which is new every morning whether I find it or not! I will thank Him for walking this journey with me - a task humans can't always do. I'll find the strength to trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

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