Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Double Trouble!

Sunday, when the family was gathered, my daughter sneaked over and got a "siblings" pic. I really think Chris is smirking at her. And he's looking at the camera like he knows what he's doing too! When I saw this photo on her Facebook wall, it brought both joy and sadness. It was a joy to have her take a siblings shot, but I know how difficult this has been for her. It's like I hurt for both my children.

Double pain. I grieve over the loss of my son, and I hurt as I watch my daughter struggle to deal with it all as well. One of a mother's worst nightmares. I'm proud of the woman she has become and how she has let it bring her closer to God, but the journey, like each of ours, has been difficult.

I guess caregiving really changes us, but we don't always realize how much or in what ways those changes are affecting us. They keep telling us that we are emerging a beautiful butterfly - but too often I still feel stifled in a cocoon with no flight in site.

I'm sitting here and reflecting on our memories recent and past and wondering what to do with all the emotions. Then out of nowhere I get this text that just says "Psalm 35." I was like - what a jerk to just send a reference and no point! lol So of course, I opened my Bible and read through the chapter. David talks a lot about stumbling, fighting, affliction, and fighting with his enemies. I'm thinking it sounds a lot like one of my days lately.

As I read through this declarative prayer I found two things that stood out to me. I am still learning about praying about my enemies since we don't wrestle against flesh and blood and aides and agencies....But what did stand out what the declaration in verse 10 - All my bones will say, Lord who is like You....." I really like that - I want my bones to cry out even if my voice can't - and declare that He is Lord of my life.

The second verse that grabbed my attention was the final one. And my tongue shall declare Your righteousness and Your praise all day long. May this be so. May I direct my tongue to declare His righteousness each day - no matter what the day brings. 1 Corinthians 1:30 says that Christ become righteousness for us. That truth cannot be changed no matter what happens to us this side of time. And that's a good thing.

Today, I will continue to say in my heart, Lord, there is none like You. And I will thank Him for becoming my righteousness. I'll turn my thoughts back to the cross where He paid the price for me, where He bore my pain and grief so I could remain in right standing with Him. My meditation will be on how He covers me...forever. I will rest in Him today knowing He has done a complete work by making me righteous and I will rejoice in this and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

4 comments:

  1. Yes...oh praise Him...yes I join you.

    This is a continuation for me from yesterday when I meditated, sang and prayed/cried along with "Good Good Father".

    He's a good good Father-that's who He is...that's who He IS...that's WHO HE IS.
    And I'm/she's loved by Him...that's who I AM...that's who she IS...that's who we ARE...

    continuing to selah...

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    1. Amen! He is a good Father and we can continue to trust Him to lead and care for us. He won't quit on us or walk out when it gets difficult. I love that about Him.

      Thanks for joining me - and thanks for reading!
      jeanie

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  2. I guess this side of heaven will never stop grieving the loss will we Jeanie. I read a 5 year old Facebook post from my precious wife yesterday. She talked about the weekend we had just shared and how much she loved me. In just 33 days from then she would be fighting for her life and our life would be forever altered. And yes I will join you in trusting Him for one more day. He will supply all our needs according to His riches and glory. I have learned to live with plenty and to live in pain I can do all things through Him who gives me strength

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    1. I hear you. Memories are great since it's all we have left of who they were before caregiving. But they can also be so very difficult to process, and hard to enjoy seeing our loved one like they are now. We continue to love who they are - but sure do miss who they were. All we can do it continue to trust Him for each day, hour, minute or second and trust that He will continue to strengthen us for the journey.

      Thanks for sharing with us - and thanks for reading!

      Jeanie

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