Thursday, May 18, 2017

Facing the Enemy

One of the side effects of the alone-ness that accompanies caregiving is when things go wrong, there's no one close to blame. Of course, I'm kidding just a little bit. As a sole caregiver, I am left alone to make decisions both big and small. Sometimes they are right - and sometimes they are wrong, but they are mine and I own them!

So when I was reading Psalm 94 this morning about the attack of the enemy David was experiencing, I looked up (figuratively) to see no one there....still. It's just me and Chris day in and day out. I don't have someone breaking down my door to come in. There's no one standing outside mocking me; and no one is spouting out discouraging words to try and make me quit.

So how can I relate to an enemy like David faced? Mostly, my enemies, for they are many, are the voices in my own head. I second guess almost every single decision. Sometimes, it feels like my own faith is mocking me for holding on through this storm. Thoughts can run around crazy in my head. Discouragement is always knocking at the door, but I don't have to open it. I do not have to embrace crazy thoughts.....they are not always all mine. Even though I cannot relate to David's facing a battle worn enemy, I can identify with a barrage of thoughts, events and situations that constantly attack my heart, emotions and mind.

In the heat of the battle for the faith, I have to pull out these three verses from Psalm 94 to hold on to today:

Unless the Lord had been my help,
I would soon have dwelt in the land where there is silence.
When I said, "My foot is slipping,"
Your mercy and loving-kindness O Lord, held me up.
In the multitude of my anxious thoughts within me,
Your comforts cheer and delight my soul. (Amp)

Now that's some things to think about right there! When we feel ourselves slipping into discouragement or feel depression trying to close in we can trust His mercy to hold us up. Personally, my thoughts are my worst enemy sometimes. A simple memory, or thought can spark a series of hurtful thoughts and I feel my mind and emotions being dragged down into the pit. Over the years, I've developed strategies to try and keep my head above water when the enemy comes in like that. But it is His mercy that keeps me afloat!

We are in good company with the psalmist here. David said he was experiencing a multitude of anxious thoughts. That's an everyday occurrence for many of us. It's a constant struggle to keep them from taking root in our minds and hearts. As an over-thinker, I have us all dead before anything actually happens! (Hopefully, that's just me! lol)

But I can always trust God to comfort my soul. He can delight my soul in ways that another person cannot, because He can touch parts of me that people can't reach. He pours in His joy, peace and comfort when I run to Him. His mercy holds me up.

Today, I'm going to give Him all my anxious thoughts one.more.time. And I will pour them out before Him and let Him replace them with peace and comfort. I'll rejoice in the fact that He is big enough to handle my crazy thoughts and calm my fears. My meditation will be on how He delights my soul, just by being present. And I'll lean in to Him a little closer as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

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