Every Straw

 

Do you find yourself getting upset at the little things? I think as caregivers we run on high all the time that our emotions can stay on edge. We program ourselves to handle the big stuff, but those little things nag away sometimes. The big stuff, we just suck it up and handle it on the spot - call 911, call the nurse, or transport. It's the bigger stuff that we are able to kick into high-octane mode and push through. But those little things...

Sometimes, it's the littlest, even dumbest things it seems. Like I get angry because I didn't push the button on my coffee maker hard enough and it didn't start brewing. (Don't kid yourself - that's big stuff! lol) I was trying to reach around the handle on my bowl while eating oatmeal this morning and my sleeve got caught. I didn't even spill anything, but it made me mad that it was in my way. It doesn't take much to reach a max, does it?

Now, maybe this is just me - and you guys are always calm and collected. I know I'm high-strung. lol. But as caregivers, it's easy to live on the edge. For some, we live on the edge but can't express it for fear someone will think we are not able to perform our duties as caregivers. We treat aches and pains and avoid doctor's offices because we are afraid they will tell us to quit. And that's just not going to happen, is it?

But these things wear away at our emotions and drag us through mucky days. And you know what? I think it's just part of the caregiver's life. What's so cool about it all is that God is big enough for the big stuff - yet still concerned about the small stuff. That blows me away. Does He really care that my coffee pot didn't come on this morning? Does He know the company took a payment out of my account after I returned the equipment? Does He know my fears concerning Covid? Or that isolation is eating away at my soul? He does. He knows it all - the big and the "little." And He cares. 

God doesn't turn His eyes and ears away from us just because others think they are small, unimportant matters. He understands the burden we carry - and He sees every straw whether it's the one that will break the proverbial camel's back or the first one in the bag. Paul told us in 1 Peter 5:7 that we can cast ALL our cares on Him and we can let Him do the caring for us.

Now, God doesn't stand up there with a list of categories for things He will not carry. He doesn't toss things back and tell us that it's not on His responsibility list. He takes them all - big, small, and everything in between. Why? He cares for us - as a whole person.

Today, I will be thankful that God cares. I will be grateful that He listens to me offload all the things that are on my heart. He doesn't discriminate. He won't belittle. He won't tell me to suck it up and get stronger. He just cares about every straw on this camel's back. And just like that - a little gratitude and thankfulness go a long way to lighten the load. Today, as I trust Him with my soul  - my mind, my will, and my emotions - I'll thank Him for always being right there when I need Him. Will you join me?

Between Me and Him

I had a whole lot on my heart this morning as I headed out the door for my early morning run. I told Siri to play "Bless the Lord Oh My Soul" by Matt Redman. As I ran, prayed and praised, I emptied my heavy heart out before Him. The roads I left my burdens on don't look any heavier for the wear, but my feet and heart became lighter as I abandoned my soul to Him in praise even in the midst of this storm.

As I prayed and cast off cares so He could carry them instead of me, I uncovered many pains that were hidden deep inside. Some were too difficult to express in words and I let my heart turn them loose as they fell into His. I thought, there are some things that will always just be between me and Him. Things I can't express...too deep for words. Some of the pain was so deep I couldn't even get my thoughts around it. I know I just let it go - suspended between my heart and His - forever.

Caregivers can tend to try to "fix" everything making it difficult to let go of them and trust them into another's hands. 1 Peter 5:7 reminds us to cast your anxieties, cares, worries, over onto Him - for He cares for you. In my mind, maybe just a broad, but practical application, I'd say we are to throw it all over into His hands - and let Him do the caring for us. 

Today, that is what I propose to do. Those deep feelings, inexpressable griefs, hidden sorrows - I'll turn loose of them and let them fall into His heart and hands so He can do it for me. I'll give Him those "just between me and Him" things to take care of for me. And I'll meditate on His goodness, his care for me, His compassion and greatness. Then, I will trust Him for just one more day - will you join me?

Against all Odds

This morning I woke up with a phrase on my mind. It was simply, trust the process. Yesterday's thoughts about Moses and how God delivered and led the Children of Israel out of Egypt and to the promised land one step at a time were racing through my mind.  I thought of how they crossed the Red Sea, needed water and He provided, needed food and He provided and numerous other victories they had along the way.

Jericho also came to mind and I realized they battled on so many levels and in so many arenas to get to their destination. But then I was a bit perplexed as I wondered what in the world would be my destination. I'm not going anywhere. Sometimes it feels like I'm sitting still and life is passing me by and I withdraw further into the caregiver's cave where it is at least perceived as safe. But I don't want to stay there - not really.

And it's at that moment determination arises once again and I resolve to find ways to live outside the box life has tried to enclose me in. It's easier to fade into the cave and live in a little box. There's no fear of being interrupted since most won't venture in. Not even church people. lol

Then this story comes to mind. It's in 2 Samuel 23:20-22. It seems like it was just dropped there by accident. These three verses describe the warrior, Benaiah. He did some mighty heroic acts but I want to focus on one. Verse 20 says he chased a lion into a pit and killed it - on a snowy day. Two things stand out to me, one that he chased the lion into the pit to kill it instead of playing it safe and running the other way. And two, he found his footing on a snowy day and managed to wrangle and kill a lion. He was in a predicament, but he prevailed.

I think of the caregiver - thankfully there are no physical lions in our dens. But we can have some momentous things to deal with. Emotions can rage, finances are slim, friends are few - and that doesn't even cover the stress of actual caregiving. (I could write a book on that one! lol) What I draw from this scripture is that against all odds - Benaiah won. Perhaps it was driven by anger (what did that lion do anyway?). Maybe it was sheer determination. Who knows what he was thinking - but he didn't let it go and he refused to be defeated.

We are faced with a similar choice. We can either be defeated by our circumstances and give up or walk away or chase it down and remove it from the equation. And this is where I am today. I'm staring at this lion of emotional strain, exhaustion, and many other elements that go along with caregiving. Do I choose to succumb and let it just have me and fall apart? Or do I choose to chase it down and defeat it? I'm determined to write a happy ending to my story. So as it all tries to close in on me today I'll stand up and say "Enough!"

Today, I'm going to trust Him for lion-chasing emotion-managing strength. My thoughts will be on how He provides, He loves, He cares for me. I'll follow Paul's advice to Peter (1 Peter 5:7) and I'll cast all my cares, worries and anxieties over on Him and let Him carry them for me. I will pray for Him to show me the lions in my life - and I will chase them down - and I will win!!! Will you join me?

What do you need that for?

Something as simple as a flower can be a bright spot in a day. When we walk through the park behind our apartments, we often find wild flowers growing sporadically along the side of the trail. It's been my practice for many years to simply enjoy this random beauty and allow it to lighten my heart. If that's the only reason God made wild flowers, then I am thankful. He usually has a reason or purpose for just about everything, we just don't always discover it right off.

This morning I was reading through a psalm that I grew up knowing. My mom read it to me when I was scared or troubled. As an adult I read it to my children as well. Psalm 91 I believe has been misinterpreted over the years to mean that nothing is going to happen to us if we stay hidden in Him. On one hand, I agree with the concept - our soul (being) is safe in Him. It is safe from any type of harm. Our body on the other hand, is susceptible to life.

As I was reading this familiar passage I paused to think. It starts out with Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge, He is my fortress; He is my God and I am trusting Him. 

There are a few things that stood out to me in these verses today. First of all, you don't need a shelter if there is no danger. Secondly, you don't need a refuge if there isn't a storm. Thirdly, you don't need a fortress if there isn't an enemy. The caregiver lives in a storm - so He's got us covered!

This entire psalm speaks of things that life might throw at us. Many circles misinterpret it to mean that if you trust God then nothing bad is going to happen. I think it is quite different than that. First of all, verse 8 implies that we are safe from the judgment of God and only the wicked will see it. But the long list of protective forces needed in this psalm indicate that there are things happening all the time; things we need to be protected from. It's not that we will never see difficulties or struggles - but that God is protecting us through them.

Verse 5 tells us that we will not be afraid of:

the terror by night

the arrow that flies by day

the pestilence stalking in darkness

the destruction that lies in wait at noon...

But it's all out there. We cannot stick our heads in the sand and pretend "bad things" do not exist. Life is full of trials, tests, and tribulations. That's why we need a shelter. He is always right here. No matter where here is - He's got it covered; He's got us covered. All we have to do is run to Him.

Today I will meditate on His divine protection of my soul. I will allow Him to bathe my mind, will and emotions in His peace and protection. I will rest in Him today and allow Him to be my protector and my shield. I will let Him take care of me today - He is my caregiver. Will you join me?

Like a Dove

There can be different roles we play as caregivers. For me, I am a sole caregiver for my son and get few breaks. But on a totally different level I am in the beginning stages of caregiving (just offering assistance presently) for my parents who are aging. No matter what specific role we play as a caregiver it can be overwhelming and emotionally exhausting. This morning I was just feeling tired; too tired to start the day. I thought of the verse in Psalm 55 where the psalmist says Oh that I had the wings of a dove! I would fly away and be at rest. But then my next thought was No, I'm too tired to fly away! (smile) - I know you relate.

Evidently when David penned this psalm he was under a lot of pressure from his enemies. And according to verse 12 even his friends had begun to fight with him. The shift is friendships was one of the biggest shockers of becoming a caregiver. Our BC (before caregiving) friends are not always able to handle the changes we need to make. And some are just not capable of offering what they think is continued support. They don't realize we are still the same person. We still have the same likes and dislikes but our time is divided up differently now.

One factor for me is that I just don't have the time to chase people down and make them a friend. If they want to be a friend they will find a way, I've seen that in demonstration. (And I've also spent a lot of time alone lol!) Having to go through the huge shift in our circle of friends is one of the most hurtful parts of the journey; and it can have lasting effects. But thankfully, this psalm offers a couple of bits of help for those who have been (or even just felt) betrayed by friends.

The first thing that sticks out to me is in verse 18 - He will redeem my soul in peace. I like that because not only is God going to reach out and redeem, or rescue our soul (mind, will, emotions), He is going to do it in peace.  He will bring me back to Himself and let me rest in peace. I can handle some of that!

The second takeaway point from this psalm for me is in verse 22- cast your burden on the Lord and He will sustain you.  That sounds like a winning combination - my part is to cast, or throw my burdens over onto His big shoulders; then His part is to sustain me so I can face one more day.

Today I will meditate on the truth that He will redeem me in peace. I will do my part to rest in His peace. And I will also toss my burdens over on Him and allow Him to sustain my soul. I will let Him be God of my heart, mind and soul today. And maybe I won't fly away after all. Will you join me?

Behind Before I Begin

Caregivers typically have long lists of things that need to be done every day. If you think about it, they are taking care of another whole person and for many who take care of an individual who is total care it means doing all the basics at least twice every day; once for yourself and once for your loved one. Some mornings we can get up ready to take on the world and get a day's worth of chores done. Other days we can wake up feeling behind before we even get started.

I wonder if Moses ever felt that way. He could be considered a caregiver of sorts. He had millions of people that he was leading across to the Promised Land. They all had to be fed, clothed and cared for. I can't imagine what Moses dealt with on a daily basis. And while he didn't have to meet some of their basic physical needs, they looked to him for direction, sustenance, and guidance. I think what has amazed me about Moses' character was that no matter how rough it got and how crazy the Israelites acted his prayers were full of mercy and love toward them. God even told Moses at one point that He would wipe them out and start over with new people and make another great nation starting with Moses. (Exodus 32) Moses immediately cried out for mercy for his people. I want that kind of heart. I have to ashamedly admit that I would more likely tell God to,  "Go ahead, I'll wait right here!"

But in reality isn't it that deep mercy, concern and care that keeps us at our loved one's side? No matter how rough it becomes we just roll up our sleeves a little further to make things happen. There are so many aspects to caregiving besides taking care of physical needs. Moses wasn't just "in charge" of the Israelites, he was in love with them. He advocated on their behalf numerous times. I don't think we are really much different. No matter how difficult it gets, the caregiver is not looking to meet their own needs but those of the one for whom they are caring.

Well you know what? God cares for us, for you and me the caregiver. 1 Peter 5:7 encourages us to Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you. I think there are a couple of ways to look at the phrase He cares for you. On one hand He cares for or takes care of us much like we do our loved one. And on the other hand is the perspective that says He cares for you  meaning He can do all the caring and you won't have to. We can relax as we remember that He is in control. He's got the caregiver's back and He will take care of us and do the caring for us when we need Him to.

Today I will let anxiety go. I will meditate on the truth that He cares for me as much as (or more than) I care for my loved one. I'll think about how God is my caregiver. I'll turn my thought to how much He loves me and I will let Him do the caring for me today.  Will you join me?