Shattered Dreams

 Did you have dreams before caregiving? For many of you who are caring for elderly parents, maybe you had high hopes for retirement. For those who provide care for special needs adults, the dreams may have looked a bit different, but they existed. When my son was injured in the accident, I was headed to the mission field to fulfill my life-long dream. Broken and shattered dreams can be difficult to deal with. You can move on, but you can't always pick up those pieces without always wondering, what if.

I'm like - what are we supposed to do with those unfulfilled dreams? I question if they were my own - or if God orchestrated them. Either way - there's only one thing to do with them. Give them to Him.

My mind goes to some of our popular Bible heroes. I think of Joseph who had the dreams about his family bowing down to him. Maybe he didn't quite understand them. But I'm certain that they didn't seem to be panning out as he spent years sitting in a dungeon-like cell. I also thought about Daniel. Surely as a young man before the captivity, he had some dreams. They may have been washed away in the siege - but perhaps he dreamt of a life with a family and vocation of some sort. 

And of course, there's Abraham. He carried the dream up to the altar to sacrifice it to God in obedience. Paul mentions in the NT that Abraham was so convinced of the dream - the promise, that he knew if Isaac died, God would raise him back up to fulfill the promise.

I also thought about David. He was anointed king by the prophet Samuel while he was a lad in his father's house. Did he think about that and how God was going to fulfill the promise while he was running or hiding from evil King Saul?

No matter what our dreams are or what He's promised us - we can just trust Him like these heroes of faith. If He said it - He will do it. Next comes the hard part - waiting on Him!

Today, I will trust Him for all He's ever said to me or about me, both written and spoken. I will rest in the truth that He still has it all under control. He is still working out good things for me - no matter what I see. So, today - I won't focus on the promise - I'll focus on Him. On His faithfulness. On His character. And I will trust Him for one more day! Will you join me?

There's Always a Way

I'm still doing double duty with my Aunt Polly staying here. We are looking at an assisted living facility today and all are hoping it's best for her and works out. Until she can find one and get all moved we are making it. I won't lie - it's difficult. I'm trying to think of a stronger word than that... lol

It's funny how you can handle more even when you are certain you can't add one more thing. Humans are resilient like that, aren't we? I am learning more about leaning in to Him more for strength if nothing else. He gives wisdom to face each day.

I'm reminded of Proverbs 2:6 that says the Lord gives wisdom, out of His mouth comes knowledge and understanding. There's no addendum there stating caregivers are the exception. He didn't say - the Lord gives wisdom to everyone except caregivers. My Bible doesn't read, out of His mouth comes knowledge and understanding except for caregivers - I got nothin. This indicates to me that car can also ask God for wisdom. He will give us wisdom to know how to love those we are caring for. He'll give wisdom for us to handle each situation. And there is still knowledge and understanding in His mouth - in His word for the weary caregiver's soul.

He doesn't limit our access to Him, make exclusions to His promises or keep His presence from us. He pours out His life on us - sustains us and even carries us through the most difficult of days. He sits with us through those long nights. He rescues our soul from depression that tries to close in around us. He always provides a way. And for this - I am thankful.

Today, I'm going to think about that old song that says every promise in the book is mine. Because it is. He doesn't promise the lack of problems in life - but He does promise an ever-abiding presence. He does promise He'll walk with us and in us. He promised His peace for the mind stayed on Him. Today, I'll take Him up on all that! I'll rest in Him and thank Him for one more day. Will you join me?

What a Wait!

I've never been very good at awaiting no matter what the situation. From doctor's offices to DMVs to standing in line at WalMart - I just don't do well. It may be that my mind is going a hundred miles an hour, or it could be that I finally have time to think of all the things I could be doing instead. Whatever it is about my makeup waiting just doesn't fit me well.

We've talked a lot in our devotions about waiting on God and maybe I have seen just a tiny bit of improvement since I've become a caregiver. We have some great examples of men and women of faith who waited on God patiently; and some who waited not-so-patiently too. Abraham and Sarah waited for years for God to fulfill His promise; and Joseph waited many years for his dream to come true. When we read the scriptures we can cover several chapters in a matter of minutes and it can be easy to forget that years passed between one chapter and the next.

Last night I was reading in Daniel. I love his story and how he remained faithful to the Lord even though he was in a tough physical situation. We can read this entire book in just a few minutes but we are talking 70 years from the first chapter to the last. That's a lifetime of waiting.

In chapter 9 of Daniel, we find him looking back over the prophecies that were given by Jeremiah. Daniel had most likely read and reread these prophecies during his captivity and he recalled that God promised it would only last 70 years; and it had been 70 years. That's a long time to keep the faith and to continue to trust God through daily adversity. As caregivers, our journeys are not always super smooth or pleasant but most of us have not been in our situation for 70 years.

So Daniel realizes that the 70 years are complete according to the Word of the Lord and he sets himself in prayer. Toward the end of the ninth chapter, he prays this:

Our God listen to the prayer of Your servant,

and to his supplications

For Your sake, O Lord 

Let Your face shine on Your desolate sanctuary.

O my God, 

Incline Your ear and hear!

Open Your eyes and see our desolations...

Caregiving can be a lonely place and sometimes, like Daniel, we just need God to hear and to see us. Our challenge is remaining faithful during the trials of day-to-day living. It can be difficult to be patient. And while there are some pleasant days - each day can be filled with hard work that leaves us exhausted mentally, physically, and emotionally at the end of the day.

Today as we take care of our loved one, let us meditate on simply remaining faithful in our walk with God and meditating on the truth that He has not left us to walk it alone. 

This will be my meditation today - will you join me?

Who Lives Here?

For most of us lives can be very hectic at times; and this is true no matter what our role is in life. Yesterday during my morning reading I re-found this scripture in Nehemiah 10:39b - So we promise together not to neglect the temple of our God. (NLT) God has told us that we are His temple. He lives in us. His purposes for us did not change just because we became a caregiver or life got difficult or ugly. Everything He said about us is still true - because we are His temple and He still lives with us.

There's an old saying that goes something like this: you find out who your real friends are when times get tough. I personally have found this to be true. When the battle rages on in our lives it seems that fewer and fewer people continue to walk through it with us. That does balance out because we make new friends along the way. But in many instances our old friends really do not know what to do with us anymore - our lives changed when we became a caregiver and many just can't make that transition. But God does.

Actually, He knew about it beforehand and was well prepared to carry us through, walk through the fire with us and hold us up so we would not fail. We are still  His temple and He still lives in us and abides with us. Therefore it is important for us to take good care of His temple - ourselves. It can be easy for caregivers to slip into depression; and even easier to neglect ourselves by becoming overwhelmed in caregiving. But we must take care of this temple that we share with God.

God's promises never fail - He is still faithful even if life falls apart or it doesn't look so glamorous. He will not change His mind about us - and He still likes to hang out with us. Today I will purpose to take care of the temple God lives in. I will feed it spiritually and make sure that I tune in for what He may choose to share with me today. I don't want to miss a moment with Him because of the numerous distractions. Today I will purposefully think about how He still lives in me - I am still His temple, His dwelling place. Will you join me?

Finding Wisdom

For caregivers each day can bring with it many decisions that must be made. These are difficult enough when making them for ourselves, but for those who are taking care of someone else they can be quite frustrating and even more difficult. While we cannot always look up word for word what we should do in each situation, we can turn to scripture for wisdom.

Proverbs 2:6 states this: The Lord gives wisdom. From His mouth come knowledge and understanding. That just about covers it all really. He will give us wisdom. James chapter one says that He gives wisdom to those who ask of Him. That part is actually pretty simple. What makes it difficult is waiting on His answers. We tend to ask for wisdom and then try to walk on in our own strength. Wisdom is not impatient and sometimes it dictates that we do not make decisions too hastily. We can ask - and He will give us the wisdom to walk through difficult days and make difficult decisions.

The other part of this verse says that from His mouth come two things: knowledge and understanding. What comes from our mouth? Our words. So from His word - spoken or written we can gain understanding as well as knowledge.

These three - wisdom, knowledge and understanding, are not withheld from us because of adverse circumstances. His promises are all still just as true for us today as they have ever been. Today - remember to ask Him for direction for the big things; then remember to ask Him for wisdom in the small things too. Stay in His word to find knowledge and understanding.

After the Rainbow

In my reading this morning I came across this passage in Psalm 105. It's speaking of Joseph and how God sent him before to prepare the way for his family. I'm not sure that being sold into slavery by his own brothers is the way Joseph would have chosen to see God fulfill His word in his life - but that's the way it occurred. Verse 19 says that the word of the Lord tested Joseph. He knew God's promises but found himself sitting it out in a jail cell for a crime he did not even commit. How difficult it can be to be sitting on the promises!

As caregivers living in the furnace sometimes it can seem like all the promises of God have faded away. When  Noah came through the most horrific experience of his life (the flood), God made him a promise and sealed it with a rainbow. How easy it must have been in that moment standing at the altar of sacrifice and seeing the first rainbow - to believe God's promise. But one day - it rained again. It's easy to believe His promise while staring at the rainbow - but did he wonder the next time a drop of rain fell from the skies?

Can we believe His promises while walking in the furnace; long after the rainbow of promise has faded? Holding on to the things we feel He promised us can be very difficult when in the furnace. And so we wait....once again. There was no way Joseph could make God's promise happen in his life; no way for Noah to erase the memories of the flood. Did these two men ever wonder ( which is not a lack of faith) about God's promises? Did Noah watch the rain and consider moving back into the boat? Did Joseph sit for those long hours in a jail cell contemplating his dreams?

How do you spend your wait? Honestly, I have spent too much time in a rush of emotions with my fist raised at God (not like it is profitable in any way...), I've been angry, upset, confused...but it all comes back to believing Him when the rainbow has faded.

God is faithful. His word is sure even when the picture doesn't look like we thought it would. We do not know how Joseph sat out his wait; we are unaware if he ever asked any questions, or if he ever wavered at all. It certainly was not the way he would have planned for God to fulfill His word in his life. God's words are never inert - He will do all He said (and usually more) - can we trust Him here in the fire? Can we trust His promise after the rainbow has faded?

Waiting on His promise is not an easy task - questions gnaw away at our faith. Pictures of how we thought things were supposed to be whittle away at our hearts. But we must wait. We must trust His promise when the rainbow is gone - even if it starts raining again! Renew your trust in Him today - Tell Him how you feel - He can handle it. Then remind yourself of His promises and just rest in Him and let Him worry about how He is going to fulfill it in your life.

Keeping Faith

Think about all the things you have done before you found the time to read this short devotion. Personally, I have been up every two hours through the night to turn, change and check on my loved one. Then when I scraped myself off the sheets to get up a little bit ago I had to check his temperature, O2 levels and do a tube feeding. And now I am at the computer writing a devotion! And the day has barely started...do you relate?

Our daily lives are full of taking care of our loved ones, making plans and appointments for them, fighting with doctor's offices and waiting to see if aides will show up today or not! It can be crazy and it can all chip away at our emotions and our faith. Sometimes we can sort of numb up and suck it all up to make it through a day. And you know what - it's okay! Each of us has our own unique situation to deal with and we have to do it the best way we can...putting one foot in front of the other and moving ourselves forward through the next 24 hours.

Sometimes we tend to try to ignore our situation and keep walking. That's really not the way to deal with it...Look at this scripture about Abraham. Hebrews 4:19 says that Abraham without becoming weak in faith contemplated his own body. When I saw that this morning it really hit me - in a good way. Faith-ers teach that we ignore the situations we are in, our bodies, our pain, our circumstances - and that then we can walk it out in faith. But Abraham - our faith hero - looked the situation right in the face and continued in faith.

He knew his body and Sarah's body were too old to be able to fulfill God's promise - he even thought about it. But he remained in faith. As we walk through the caregiver's chores today just deal with today...keep putting one foot in front of the other. And continue in faith knowing that God is walking through this furnace with us. He did not send us into the trial alone - keep the faith - it will keep you!

His Unchanging Promise

If we are breathing we have experienced change. The caregiver has no doubt seen many changes in their lives that have brought them into the position of providing care for their loved one(s). As we age, things change. Our children grow older, they have children, our jobs change and in general our lives are lived on a platform of change.

 The only thing that doesn't change is God; and His attributes. He remains the same as do His promises concerning us, His children. Ephesians 3:14-19 reminds us of some of these precious, unchanging promises. Holy Spirit lives in us. That is something that will not change for the believer. Paul prays in verse 16 that his readers would be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man. That is my prayer for caregivers, and His children today. May we realize His strength in us to carry out our daily tasks today - simply because He lives in us.

 Verse 17 reminds us that Christ dwells in our heart. Do you see the common theme? He is with us. No matter what tasks today brings, what challenges or triumphs...He is walking through it with us - better than that - He is walking through it in us.

 Take some time today to acknowledge His presence; whether you feel Him or not. In those darkest times of our lives when we cannot feel Him - it's not because He is not there - but because we grow numb. Rest assured today that His promises concerning you have not changed due to your circumstances. They do not change if you are unable to attend "church," His promises are sure and steadfast. You are His; and He is with you today in whatever life brings your way.

It's About Time...

One of my all time favorite passages is Psalm 46. There are several things that you can pull out of there to use! Of course, those who know me very well know I can camp out on Be still and know I am God. And the phrase the God of Jakob is with us is mentioned twice. But verse 1 I am pretty sure I memorized at a very young age and have carried it with me all these years. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.

This verse is usually one of the first ones my mind pulls up when trouble shows up. It has brought comfort and strength to me over the years. Earlier this week I was sharing a devotion on a conference call and this scripture came out during the teaching. And right then and there it hit me that He is a present help. I had always thought about it in the sense that He is present like He's here. He is present and ready to help.

But as the words spilled out of my mouth I thought of it a little differently. The fact that He is present, He's here means that He is occupying this little space of time we call now. While I can gain strength and encouragement from the things He's done in my past I need Him with me now!

 We have hope that we will see all of His promises fulfilled in the future...but He is with us now! He is not just the God of my past or the hope of my future - He is walking through the fire with me right now! Rest today in the fact that He is with you and facing your day with you...right this very moment.

What About the Dreams?

None of us were born caregivers. For many it was a traumatic experience of some sort that thrust us into it. Others a slow decline in a loved one gradually led us into caregiving. But we really do have a past. Each of us has experiences and lives that were lived hopefully to the fullest before we began to take care of another. We had plans, hopes and dreams of more things we wanted to do with our lives. Caregiving puts a hold on at least most of that - if not all. Where do the dreams go from here?

This is something I find myself sorting through. I wanted to travel and see the world and be a missionary of sorts. I'd love to go to Africa and many other places. Teaching is my thing and I could see myself traveling the US and the world just loving people and caring...and sharing His love. But that's all gone for now.

What does God do with all those aspirations we had before? Were they from Him? Were they only fabrications of our imagination? (an imagination that is of course God-inspired)...is there still hope of a life?

I wonder if Abraham ever wondered just when God would fulfil His promise. He waited something like 25 years for Isaac. And then God wanted him to put that seed on the altar! ...and he did...we must do the same before the Lord. No matter what dreams or visions He gave us before caregiving...they must be put back into His hands. He will restore. But we must trust Him to bring about all the things He promised. IF we make it happen it just won't be the same and it won't be restoration. Today my meditation will be on how faithful He is to His promises. I will encourage myself in the truth that He won't change His mind, and He cannot lie. And I will wait for Him...will you wait with me?