Showing posts with label broken hearts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label broken hearts. Show all posts

He Still Comes

 


Do you ever just need a break? Haha - I forgot who I was talking to! Of course, you do! The real question is IF you'll get one, right? It's come to my attention that I may have some level of caregiver burnout. Little - like teeny, tiny, little things bother me to the max. I've thought about counseling, not sure if that would help or not. I've thought about giving myself a day off from "work." But I'm not really "off" even if I do that, you know? I have a few other workable ideas like taking a few more excursions and getting Chris out of the house more - because then, I get out too! :-) But I'm pretty sure I'm going to need more than one Saturday a month, although I'm grateful for that one day!

All of these thoughts and more were rolling around in my head this morning. I hope it doesn't come down to it - but I may have to actually ask for help. (Lol - imagine that!)

I know that God sees right where I am - and He sees you right where you are too. That brings a little comfort. I'm truly thankful that God sees.  I'm equally as thankful that God hears. He listens so closely that He hears all those things our hearts cannot even express in words. He hears the pain behind the tears we may shed - and even the pain behind the tears we refuse to shed. Yes, He's that close, that intent.

As I was looking for the verse in Psalms that says He is near the brokenhearted - I found myself in Isaiah 61. It seems He wants to send us to bind up the brokenhearted. He wants us to proclaim liberty - to whom? The captives? Wow. He wants us to proclaim the year of the favor of the Lord as well as comfort those who mourn. What on earth is He talking about? We need all of that! Who's going to be there for us?

I think we can get a great picture of God's heart in these first few verses of Isaiah 61. In essence, His plan (which is always better than ours!) is to move closer to the brokenhearted such as ourselves. Additionally - He wants to provide:

  • good news to the meek (those who know they NEED Him!)
  • healing to the brokenhearted
  • liberty for the captive
  • openness and freedom for the bound
  • acceptance
  • comfort for those who mourn
  • beauty in the place of ashes
  • joy to replace mourning
  • praise to replace the spirit of heaviness
Man, that's a lot, isn't it? I am pretty sure I can find myself in at least a couple of these emotional states - but certainly not all of them. But no matter where our minds or emotions are today - He meets us there. I love that about God. He doesn't expect us to dust off the ashes of our mourning before He comes to us with comfort. I can come to Him with all my baggage - my sadness, emptiness, mourning, and heaviness - and I will find total and complete acceptance and help. That's encouraging because at times I feel powerless. But the one who is all-powerful - will lift me up. He will strengthen me - even in this lowly, crazy mental and emotional state. Why? Because He loves us - we are His. He simply can't help Himself!

Today, I will remind myself that He is right here. He doesn't stay away when I am sad. He doesn't avoid me when I can't quite get it together. He won't shun me for questioning life in general. He will come. He will comfort. He will bring joy, peace, and freedom. And I'll just trust Him in the midst of it all. Will you join me?

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31 Days in Psalm 31 devotional book cover


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In His Hands

This morning, I was working on my latest devotional 31 Days in Psalm 31 which I hope to complete and have in my bookstore by the end of the month. There are so many things in this one psalm and I've read it so much my Bible falls open to it automatically now. lol. I was thinking about fear, grief, hurt, and the dark night of the soul. Caregiving can be an emotional roller coaster. Sure, there are those caregiver moments like when my son actually hugged me the other evening. Those moments erase a ton of pain. They make it all worth it. But they are not lasting and it's back to the day-to-day grind.

As I was working on the devotional, I took a look at Job again. His story intrigues me. He took all the overwhelming pain and turned it into worship. It wasn't about a congregational song on Sunday morning, he wasn't sitting out back playing his guitar, and no Kumbaya around the campfire either. He took his deepest grief and pain and he worshipped.  Like David in Psalm 31 said, my life is in Your hands - Job took the tragic moment and spent it on his knees acknowledging that God was still his God - and he gently, with tears, placed his life in God's hands and gave Him back total control. Such a precious worshipful moment.

I can't say I have reacted that way. Oh, I eventually get back to that position of worship. I always return. But usually, I throw a fit, cuss and scream a little and pout for a while first. I do always return to that position though. Worship is just that - we become the sacrifice. Our lives are like an Isaac placed on Abraham's altar. All of our promises, hopes, and dreams are there on life's altar. Even the broken promises, shattered dreams and lost hopes - they are all there. All being poured out before Him as a sacrifice. And you know what? He gets it. He understands. He accepts it. Even in our most broken state - He scoops us up and carries us through. But we must remain in His hands.

When we were kids we used to sing a song He's Got the Whole World in His Hands. All us church babies remember that one! Well, you know what - He still has the whole world in His hands. It's the ultimate act of worship to say with David - my life (all that I am, all that I've lost, all that I've gained, all my pains, hurts, griefs, caregiving struggles) are in Your hands. Then, we must leave it there - and trust Him with it - trust Him with our souls. Like Job, we lift up our hearts to Him and say, Blessed is Your name O Lord no matter what life brings today. It's all in His hands.

Today, I will meditate on letting every ounce of my being stay in His hands. I'll turn my thoughts to how I can trust Him enough to realize my life is in His hands, and it's alright. He can handle it. I'll let Him handle it today as I trust Him for just one more day. Will you join me?

Guarding the Broken Heart

In my studies this morning, I found myself in Proverbs 4. I'm actually studying the armor of God and I chased some thoughts that led me to the last few verses of this chapter. I wrote down some notes on my other study but then my mind settled in verse 13. The New Living Translation states it this way: Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.

I can only feel my situation - and my first thought was - protect your broken heart. I wondered if it was any different for caregivers than others. Probably not, really. We still need to guard our hearts and perhaps we need to be a bit more diligent about it than others. For me personally, the first two things that came to mind that I must protect from taking root in my heart was bitterness and unforgiveness. When my son first had the accident I began to pray that I would not grow bitter as things progressed along lines I really didn't want them to go. You know?

One of my first prayers was that I would move closer to God and have an amazing story of resilience. Well, maybe it hasn't happened just like that. Choosing to not let circumstances lead us down the road of bitterness is just that - a choice. Forgiveness is a choice as well. That's easy to type - easy to say, but not always as easy to do. But just because it's not easy - doesn't mean it's not do-able.

As I meditated on this verse this morning, lots of current situations come to mind. Things I need wisdom to deal with, decisions I need guidance to make, and lots more. I thought of how important it is to lean into Him a little more each day. That's what helps us guard our hearts, I think. I don't want anything in my heart that would keep me from His. Clarification - He won't move! But when I harbor bitterness, unforgiveness, and hidden sins within my heart I will step back and I won't be as comfortable in His presence. His presence remains. His love is the same. It's my own sin that makes me feel separated from Him.

Today, I will purposefully choose the path of my heart and my feet. I'll guard both so there will be no occasion to stumble. I'll meditate more on guarding my heart and what that looks like as I bring all my thoughts captive to the Spirit of Christ. I'll be busy with all that. But I will choose to rest in Him - up close and personal to Him as I guard my heart. I will re-examine myself to see if there is any bitterness or unforgiveness trying to creep in and I'll put up a wall of His peace to keep it out! Will you join me?

Living Broken

I've never been one who enjoyed pain. I am a rather sporty individual and usually pain will make me fight harder, run further, and press on a little more diligently. After becoming a caregiver, I pretty much continued that trend as I found life to be engulfed in pain. Quite literally, everything hurts.

Losses loom in my view every day. I "lost" my son, at least who he was, I lost my life as it became consumed by caregiving, lost my dreams since they were no longer possible, and the list could go on and on as you well know. I struggled to find ways to work, and go on and have succeeded. But not without daily soul pain.

I want to tell myself to get over it. But it is so looming there's nowhere to go to get away. It's constantly pressing in like it is trying to suffocate me. Honestly, some days it wins. Other days I figure out how to get out from under the pressure just enough to function. It's the only way to survive the intensity and enormity of this seemingly all-consuming pain.

You know some days are better than others. Some days I can shrug it off and keep my head up. Other days it's all I can do to breathe and keep putting one foot in front of the other. It's like my "life" has been broken and I've got to figure out how to live from that broken state.

This is where my mind went as I was reading and re-reading Psalm 34. In verses 4 and 6, the psalmist speaks of crying out to God. He says in verse four: I sought the Lord; and then in verse six, he says: this poor man cried out. David let his thoughts and feelings be known to God, and trust me - I'm pretty sure God knows exactly how I feel since I don't hold back my thoughts or emotions! (Not like He didn't already know anyway, right?)

I've learned to bring my broken life, my brokenness to Him. At first, I blamed Him - and I do still have my days. But I've learned to gather it all up and drag it to Him and pour it out before Him. I give Him my anger, frustrations, hurt, immense pains, show him my deepest wounds....and He is big enough to handle it. Every.Single.Time,

He doesn't get angry with me for being open and honest about my brokenness. He never wrings His hands in worry like He's wondering what we're going to do. He never shakes His head or walks away in disgust. He just waits. He cares. He loves. He binds up the wounds life has inflicted and carries me until I can walk again.

Verse 15 says the eyes of the Lord are toward the righteous, His ears are open to their cry. Then down in verse 18, the psalmist says this: The Lord is near the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. He doesn't turn His face away from the ugliness life can bring. I think He moves in a little closer when we cry out to Him.

Today, I will turn my thoughts to His total acceptance of me in my broken state. I'll think about how He is not afraid to be near me, doesn't avoid looking at my broken life. My thoughts will be on how He doesn't stand and stare like people do - He loves. He cares. He reaches in and heals my brokenness - even if it's just enough to get me through to the next emotional crisis! (lol) I'll meditate on his nearness today and I'll move just a bit closer to Him and let myself trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Big Shoulders

  One thing that I absolutely love about God is that He has big shoulders. He can handle anything I need to give to Him to carry. God's ...