As caregivers, our emotions are often running on the edge. For me, it doesn't take much to tip me over into a huge downward spiral. For today I'm calling it the "big dipper." Just a single word, an honest question, a picture from the past - it doesn't take much to send me into the dip of depression. I have developed a few strategies that work for me and being able to identify it early on means I don't always dip as far or I can head it off at the pass. But not always.
With so many things on our plate it doesn't take a lot, does it? This last week was full of dealing with a faulty internet provider which is enough frustration by itself when you work online and were without internet for two days! lol. Sometimes it's bigger things - but sometimes it's those little things that chip away at sanity and peace.
How are we supposed to deal with this "big dipper?" It's going to come for us. Some day. Some time. We may feel broadsided by it, or we might not realize it has slipped up on us. The church world can be harsh and tell us depression is sin, or that we are not trusting God enough. Neither of those is necessarily true. We have a LOT on our plates. Our cups run over with emotions, responsibilities, and life events. It can sap us of our strength and make the mess much more complicated - but it certainly does not indicate a lack of trust in God.
As a caregiver, there are days that run smoothly. Chris is doing good and things get done that need to be done, my clients are happy with my work (and pay on time!). Depression can still leak into those not-quite-perfect days. Nothing's ever going to be
perfect - our loved ones are suffering in some way. I say the fact that you are still reading this blog - you are still searching scriptures for a strand of hope - you are still praying and seeking Him for strength - is an indication you are faith-filled. You haven't given up yet - you are still seeking Him. That to me is the epitome of faith.
And here's the other side of this "big dipper." God has a big dipper to - but it's just the right size to dip down into our lives, find us and pull us out of the emotional muck and mire. This reminds me of Psalm 40:2 where David said,
He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He used His big dipper to come into our situation and rescue us. He doesn't sit and watch from a distance (like most of the church) - He inserts Himself as far into our situation as we will allow. He makes our steps firm. Then the next verse says this:
He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God (not to ourselves or about ourselves)
many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord.
Today, I will be thankful that God understands when life gets out of hand or out of control. I will thank Him for not leaving me when stuff just doesn't make sense. I appreciate that He is not afraid of my chaos, my crazy thoughts or roaming emotions. My meditation today will be on His gracious entry into my topsy-turvy world. I'll rejoice that at my invite, He joins my world, loves me in the midst of it and offers peace for each messed up piece. I'll invite Him to come deeper in my world today - will you join me?
