Exiting Crisis Mode

There can be many aspects of caregiving that are weighty. Even though each situation is unique and has it's own set of circumstances, it's never "over" and you're never "done." Tomorrow always awaits with mostly the same tasks today demanded. And even though the initial trauma or gravity that may have occurred at the onset of the caregiving experience are over - the situation usually means we may live in a sort of crisis mode. (Maybe it's just me.)

Two things have been on my mind over the weekend. One is the social isolation that is customary in a caregiving situation. The other is how people tend to act like you had a crisis in the past but they seem to think it's over now. I think this can contribute to the isolation many caregivers experience.

For instance, when we lived in the hospital for the first 4 months of our journey, we had visitors frequently. Not as much toward the end, but people still came to visit from time to time. We could usually expect someone at least on the weekends. When we came home - it felt almost like we were put on a shelf as if the crisis ended. But in reality - it was just a different level of crisis as we brought the hospital home with us.

Caregivers are resilient though. We bounce back. We adapt. We adjust to a new normal and just keep putting one foot in front of the other. We do what we do and just keep doing it. With or without help. With or without interaction that seems to slowly subside over time.

Obviously, all is not lost. Our relationship with our heavenly Father deepens as we press more into Him. We adjust to our circumstances, partly because we just have to; and partly because we are too busy to really stop and think about it a lot. But for me, there are those times when I feel engulfed in loneliness and it makes it difficult to navigate spiritually.

The last couple of days have been that way for me. It leaves me feeling pain on every side. It is deep and intense and I feel like it is inflicted to make me lose focus and be counted out in the fight. It's okay to realize how deep the pain is - and how deeply our caregiving experience is affecting us. Living in crisis mode can affect us on every level.

So what are we to do? How do we get clarity in the middle of the fight? These were my questions over the weekend. I turned my heart to two different psalms. One I caught myself singing. It's Psalm 61. The heartfelt prayer of the psalmist cries out:

Hear my cry O Lord

Listen to my prayer

From the ends of the earth have I cried out to You.

For you have been my shelter from the storm

A high tower from the enemy.

When my heart is overwhelmed

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I.

I find myself singing/praying that during the times caregiving seems overwhelming. The other one is Psalm 13 where the psalmist talks cries out to the Lord and asks Him some very good questions. 

How long will You forget me...

How long will You look away...

How long do I have to struggle...

How Long will my enemy be winning...

But the last verse of Psalm 13 is key. In it the psalmist says this: 

But I will trust in Your unfailing love

I will rejoice because You rescued me

I will sing to the Lord

...because He has been so good to me.

And this is where I am again today. I see the turmoil around me. I feel the grip of living the caregiving lifestyle... and yet I see He has been so good to me in the midst of it all!

Today I will purposefully acknowledge His presence. I will trust Him, rejoice in all He's done and I will sing from my heart about His unfailing love and care. My meditations will be on what He has done and how He continues to work on my behalf rather than on what I see surrounding me. I will turn my heart to trust in Him... for one more day. And I will rest in Him - will you join me?

He Led them Where?

When tragedy struck and my world was shaken I had to find a way to figure out what was going on. I have to admit my faith (or what I thought had been faith) was shaken as well. There were times I was angry with God and didn't understand how He could let awful things happen. I began to read His word with new eyes. It didn't take long to realize that the Bible is full of stories about hurting people and our heroes are our heroes because of the things they faced - not the things they avoided.

This morning I found this scripture as I was reading Isaiah. In chapter 48 verse 21 it says They did not thirst when He led them through the deserts. I'm thinking there are several key points here the first being that they didn't thirst even in the desert. He provided all along the way and this is something I can attest to. I've always seen God provide and never questioned it at all, but when my son was injured in an accident and my world turned upside down I sat in a hospital with him for 4 months, then in nursing homes with him for another year before getting to bring him home. During all that time of being "unemployed" I saw God provide and lead me into learning how to make a living in new, creative ways. I can honestly say I have had my needs met and God has provided so that I have not thirsted in the desert.

The second thing that stuck out to me in this verse this morning is He led them...He did what? They didn't stumble on the desert because of their own ignorance or bad choices? He led them through the deserts. He did not lead them around, over, under or take them on a pathway so that they could avoid it altogether - He led them right through it. My flesh cries out Why didn't He take them another way?  But my heart says  absolutely the perfect plan.  It's in those dry times that we actually get to know Him better. Sometimes His silence drives us to search for Him desperately. He took them right through the driest, most barren place - on purpose!

And the last thing that stands out to me today is that "deserts" is plural - more than one! It was not just one desert and then they were done - it was deserts! For the caregiver the crisis is not a one time event - but continues day after day. There are bad days - and there are better days; but every day has its own set of challenges - plural! And He is there to lead us right on through all of them.

Today as I face several real challenges I will meditate on a few things. Firstly, that He has led me to this place and He will lead me through it. Secondly, I'll meditate on the truth that He did not drop me in the middle of a desert - He walks through it with me - holding my hand. (And sometimes carrying me along the way!) And thirdly, I'll meditate on the fact that I do not lack - He is my provider and He has given me His living water to quench my thirst. No matter how "hot" life gets, or how difficult the situation becomes I know that He has protected my soul for eternity and I do not have to thirst for Him. That's the spiritual side - the natural side is that I will trust Him to continue providing natural needs as well as spiritual.

Will you join me?

Some Things Never Change

This morning I was reading Romans 8 about the different callings in the body of Christ. My mind took off on some adventurous thoughts about how that works from here. Our thinking can become very clouded by circumstances. This is only because we tend to view our callings and our gifts from the setting inside the modern church. This can be detrimental in many ways...our gifts and callings did not disappear when tragedy came our way- it's in our spiritual DNA.

Think for a few minutes about Joseph - one of our heroes! He had dreams as a child. I am sure they seemed far away from the prison cell he was being unjustly held in. But God never changed His mind. Honestly dealing with the callings on my life has been one of the most difficult things to deal with - me trying to figure out how God was going to pull it off. But He can use adversity to His advantage and for His purpose. Turmoil and trouble do not interrupt His plan or purpose. It may just look differently than we thought it would.

Joseph was still instrumental in getting the Children of Israel to Egypt in the first place. Sure, his planning and administrative gifts were beneficial and saved lives. But ultimately the children of Israel ended up in captivity as a result many years down the road. But one thing that Joseph said should have kept the light of hope alive in their hearts...when God gets you outta here take my bones with you.! However, great victory does not come without a great battle or struggle.

So here we are captives in our own homes; in our own lives. But God has not changed anything He has said about us. He is not discouraged nor distracted by our present situation.The callings on our lives do not change based on our situations - good or bad. It just may not look like what we thought. We are still an integral part of the body of Christ. What we were before crisis struck - we still are.

We are still teachers, leaders, encouragers, etc. We just have a different platform to do it from. Take a minute to look around you today and see how you may still be functioning in the giftings that He placed in you. Think about the opportunities you may have- aides, friends or family who come by. Maybe you have the capacity and the connections to set up a Bible study in your home; or maybe you can use one of the many different online resources to video teaching sessions or music sessions. Perhaps you can make one simple phone call a day to help encourage someone else who is going through a trail...the possibilities are still endless- but they did not end. If you were a foot or a hand, an nose or an eye in the body of Christ before crisis struck - you still are. Allow God to show you any opportunities He has placed before you.

Strength in Quietness

On any given day the frustrations can mount! (maybe it's just me....) You actually schedule a quick trip to the store to grab a few items and the aid doesn't show! Or you plan an outing and your loved one is not up to par. Maybe you've called the doctor and they did not return your phone call. For me it can be the fact that my son didn't eat at all, or he will not cooperate with his exercises! Some things that seem like small things can add up to be huge on days when tensions run tight! (like spilling the bath water, tripping over a rug that's been there for months or forgetting where you put the box cutter the day supplies come in! lol!) If we are not careful there are so many things to do any given day that we can live life wound up like a taut rubber band. Trying to maintain a quiet spirit is something we might laugh at!

 But in 1 Peter 3:4 the apostle says that a gentle and quiet spirit is precious in the sight of God...This attitude is what we are to be adorned with - and God likes it! However, for me at least, a quiet spirit can be very far away! It takes effort to stop and refocus and get my spirit quiet, especially on those days when things are crazy out of control. (some people think that we are home all day and live a luxuriously peaceful life! lol!! ...what they don't know! lol!)

 The psalmist said in Psalm 46:10 that we should be still and know that He is God.He did not mention that it would have to be a purposeful action - the act  of being still...and that it is not always easily achieved inside the hectic circumstances. But I am finding that when I just stop.. for even a moment and refocus my thoughts on Him - it makes it easier to face the next daily crisis, the next decision I have to make, or the next situation that I must face.

 I encourage you today to concentrate on adorning yourself (guys too!) with a quiet spirit, and a gentle spirit before the Lord. We cannot present ourselves humbly before Him if we are ranting and raving and waving our arms about! Take a few moments today to quiet yourself before Him. (hint: you may need to do it more than once!) It will be well worth the effort - you'll find a strength in the quietness you forgot was there!