The Womb of Seclusion

Psalm 139 has been a long time favorite. As a child I read it and marveled; and then I read it to my children and marveled even more. How could this God be so "intimately acquainted" with all my ways? How could He know me inside and out? Even more amazing, how could He know everything about me, all my quirks included and still love me? This is what I get out of Psalm 139 - that He really does know me inside and out - but continues to love me no matter what He saw before the world began, what He has seen while I have walked through time - or what He sees about my future here in time and with Him. I guess what gets me most is that He looks at my life in its entirety - and He doesn't look away. He never says it's too ugly, too messed up or too anything for Him.

In verse 12, I read this: but even in darkness, I cannot hide from You. To You the night shines as bright as day. Darkness and night are both alike to You. (NLT) I like that because to me it says that the things that can hinder my vision, do not block His. When it looks dark to me - it's not dark to Him. If things look blurry to me - they do not appear blurry to Him. When I am stumbling around trying to reconnect with faith, find my way in the dark or just trying to figure out a way to not give up in the pain -- He sees quite well. The darkness is not dark to Him!

He can see past my pain, confusion, hurt and despair - and right into the womb of my heart to the things He is birthing inside. God has not left our hearts unattended for even one moment. Just like when we were being formed in the womb of our natural mothers - and He watched me be formed in utter seclusion (v. 15) - He is watching the things He birthed in our hearts be formed in the utter seclusion  of the life of a caregiver. Even though there are times when we can feel we do not live like the rest of the world; and that we live a very secluded lifestyle - He is watching His purposes form inside of us in the midst of the seclusion.

Today I will meditate on what He has planted inside of me. And if I am not sure what that is - I'll ask Him to show me. I'll ask Him to show me how Christ is being formed in me - (Galatians 4:19) Will you join me?

The Dark is Light to Him

My alarm is set to go off to a local radio station. This morning while I was fumbling with the snooze button I heard them share a scripture. It's found in Psalm 139:12 and it says even the darkness is not dark to You and the night is a s bright as the day. Darkness and light are alike to You. My first thought was that He cannot see the darkness of my struggle. But as I meditated on it a little bit my perspective changed.

 As I get older, my dislike for driving at night grows. It seems like it is more difficult to see at night and the headlights on our vehicles are only made to help us see a few feet in front of us at a time. I do not like my vision being obscured by the darkness. Sometimes I feel like that as a caregiver. I can barely see a tiny bit in front of me (if any at all) and I simply can't see or even dream past that. Losing the ability to dream can be one of the biggest handicaps for the caregiver.

 So I pondered for a minute on why He could not see my darkness - since light and dark are the same to Him. Then I realized that it's not that He cannot see my darkness or my struggle, it's just that the darkness does not obscure His vision. He can see into the darkness of a womb (v.13) to see our every progress; but He can also see into the darkness of the tomb beyond death (literal or not) and see life. The darkness does not hamper His vision - nor does it change His plans. It really doesn't matter to Him if it's dark where we are or not - He does not change, His plans do not change and He can see in spite of the surrounding darkness whether we can or not!

 I'm not even sure why but it sure helped me face today to know that He can see into and through my dark circumstances...I believe I'll rest in that today.