A Realist's Faith

I'm not sure we can deal with any situation, caregiving or otherwise until we acknowledge it. We can try to confess it away, quote scriptures over it all day, and pray - I do this a lot. It doesn't always change the situation. I have no doubt that God heals and will continue to perform miracles. But until He does - we must deal with the situations that are right in our face.
It's not faithless to face our situation head on each day. There is no way to be a caregiver and ignore what we are going through as our actions or inactions directly affect other persons. A realist can stand in faith too because faith is not exactly what we've made it out to be all these years.

I have a very well-meaning relative who is always telling Chris to "get outta that chair" so he can go fishing. It breaks my heart. The first time he said it, I said, "they have handicap fishing spots if you want to take him fishing." I got no response. The last time he said it, I just let it go as my heart shattered into a million pieces. I love my son just like he is. Would I be overjoyed if he took off walking or starting talking or moving anything? Absolutely. But I love him just like he is too. I sing "You are so Beautiful" to him pretty much every day, two or three times a day.

God never looks at us and says, I sure wish you'd get better so I could fellowship with you. I know He doesn't. He loves us just like we are - even though He sees far better things for us. He puts no requirements on us - He just says come. He wipes my tears. He picks me up. He loves me - even when I'm dirty by my own doing. He takes us just like we are with no hesitation, no questions, no shaking of His head in disgust.

Today, I will meditate on how He loves me just like I am, with all my imperfections. My thoughts will be on how He longs to be with me so much He'll come to me if I can't walk, He speaks to me when I can't talk and He holds me when I can't hold Him. I'll think about how much He loves us as the crazy messed up caregivers we can be! lol And I'll thank Him for loving me right where I am, just as I am as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Quietly Discarded

There are times that I joke about living in a cave; and even though things are said in jest it really can seem that way at times. Many times the caregiver lives a very isolated life where activities outside the home are very limited. For awhile this used to wear on me but it has finally settled in and my cave is a very safe place, a peaceful place and I am actually finding that I do not do as well outside the cave as I used to.

Others really do not understand the caregiver's cave. There's just no way for others to understand the lack of freedom that can be experienced. You cannot just jump up and go grab a few things from the store, have coffee with a friend or go to an afternoon matinee. The things that are commonplace for the majority are rare for the caregiver, if they exist at all. We cannot expect others to understand our situations - they are not living the experience with us. We do not fit society's mold and sometimes we can feel quietly discarded.

No one will actually say anything - not that it would help. Have you ever just felt politely ignored? When people do not know what to do with you they are not impolite - they just ignore! Even the church can be this way. They do not know what to do with those of us who are homebound and cannot fit their church-going mold. So we do not exist to them. I won't bore you with the details of all the churches or church people who have politely ignored us. lol. But I will tell you that one pastor asked me what I needed and I replied with one word: fellowship. He eagerly said they could do that. (I think he was relieved that I didn't ask for money lol!) But most of those who live in situations with continual pain whether it's physical or emotional have probably already guessed what happened. I never saw him or any people from that church again. I'm not mad - they just don't know what to do with us so they politely ignore us. We become quietly discarded because we can't function in their world. No blame -- just the way it is.


The term that came to my mind earlier this week was cast away. There are times when the caregiver can feel like society or even life in general has just cast us away. We are here - we are breathing - but we don't really exist. When I started meditating about being cast away and realizing that our existence is not in this world but in Him, my mind went straight to 2 Corinthians 4. The apostle to the early church Paul says this we are afflicted in every way...but not crushed. Now for those faithers out there -- they would call this admission a negative or faithless confession. It is not. Paul is stating the obvious. Until we can view where we are in honesty - we'll never be able to view Him in truth. Paul did not stop at this he went on to describe the utter despair he was feeling:  perplexed but not despairing; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed. That about sums it up.

I would like to add quietly discarded - but not rejected. Even though much of the world ignores our situation - God is still fully aware. He has not rejected us - He has not left us. Life may have struck us down but we are not destroyed!! Even though it feels like life has cast us away - to live in the caregiver's cave - God caught us and holds us even now.

Today I will meditate on how He is my present help - He holds me - cherishes me and loves me. I will picture Him holding me...and then I'll rest in Him. Will you join me?