Stating the Obvious

 I came across this scripture this morning and it just jumped out at me. Joshua 13:1 says this Now Joshua was old, advanced in years. And the Lord said to him: you are old, advanced in years, and there remains very much land yet to be possessed. (NASB) That scripture has always seemed so funny to me, but today - I got it.

The obvious is that Joshua is old, advanced in years. I get that! I always thought it was funny that God then said the same thing to him. Joshua - you're old. LOL. Wasn't God just stating the obvious? That's not really the most important part although it is key. God went on to tell the old man that there was still a lot to do - much land to possess. Surely Joshua found that encouraging!

For a few minutes, I rolled this seemingly insignificant verse around in my head. I had tons of questions. Why did God need to remind Joshua that he was getting so old? We've talked a lot about "exclusionary statements" on this blog. I think God is giving Joshua a heads up. He is stating the obvious argument that might pop up in Josh's head. Dude, you're old.  But then He continues with the promise - and there is still a lot of land to possess. Joshua was not excluded from the promised land because he was old. 

God knew. 

Just like God knew that Joshua was getting older, but still had so many promises to live out - He knows we are caregivers. If He was addressing us, He might say - You are a caregiver, you are overwhelmed and overloaded - but I still have many promises to fulfill in your life. It seems to be sort of the opposite of an exclusionary statement, doesn't it? God's saying- I understand who you are, where you are, and what you are doing - but there's still some promises to go claim!

Man, I found that encouraging today. After many rough days and nights life tends to dig at all His promises. Our questions turn to things like Is He still there? Does He still know me? Does He see? Does He hear? But His statement to Joshua let him know - and lets us know - He still hears and sees, but He still has a plan.

Today, I am going to guard my thoughts. I'll remind myself that God not only sees and hears- but He understands too. But He still won't take back even one of His promises to those who believe whether we are old - or caregivers - or both! I'll thank Him for His grace, patience, goodness, and faithfulness to us as caregivers and trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

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Seen and Heard

Do you ever feel like no one really hears you? How often do you feel invisible to the rest of the world? It seems these are common to the caregiver. Sometimes, it's the system that meets the letter of the law but doesn't really meet our needs. One example is handicapped parking spaces. You know I rant on this one often. lol - But seriously, many places meet the requirements of the law but not the practicality needed to meet the 

If there is a space, the ramp takes up all the side space. That means you can unfold the ramp, but there's no room for a wheelchair - which is the intent, right? Another example is the ramp up to the sidewalk is made of rigid stone. There's a ramp - just like the law requires. But pushing a manual chair up it and over the rocky edges is impractical and difficult, although doable. 

Thirdly, hotel rooms! They love to advertise that they are handicapped accessible and comply with ADA. Sometimes, that means the room is a bit bigger than normal. But oftentimes it means you can get to the sidewalk or in the room. Seriously, one hotel that told me on the phone (I always call first) told me they were fully accessible and I could get Chris in the room. He didn't lie, technically. But I literally could get his chair in the room far enough to get him in the bed and that was it. There was no room to get his chair across the room to the bathroom. Smh.

These types of things can often make us feel like we have no place. It's probably similar to the way Mary felt as she and Joseph went from Inn to Inn hoping to find a place to stay. We can thank God if we are not pregnant caregivers! LOL Hagar had similar feelings I'm sure as she felt forced to leave the comforts of her home. But she had two encounters with God as she began her journeys. 

In the first encounter, she said You are a God who sees me." (Genesis 16) And in the second encounter, God heard the cries of the boy. (Genesis 16). Hagar realized that God could see her and could hear her and her son. God can see and hear us too - whether the rest of the world dismisses us, ignores us, or never looks our way. He is still a God who sees and hears. He doesn't close His eyes or turn off His hearing - He watches over us and He listens.

Today, I will remind myself that God still sees and hears. His hearing is so good in fact, that He hears the things I don't dare say. He hears words in my tears. He sees the tears before they form. I will rejoice that He is still with me right here, right now - and He's not going anywhere either! Will you join me?

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He Listened

I would say that today is a rough day, but with caregiving, that pretty much describes every day so it's nothing unusual. Today my sweet mama moves into a nursing facility where she can be watched and cared for closely. My heart grieves over my mom who is getting on in the later stages of dementia. And my heart hurts for my daddy who is grieving too. They spent their last night together last night - and this morning is the move. It's heart-wrenching. He's been her caregiver for several years already and told me he can't take care of her anymore. I assured him that this is taking care of her.

As a full-time caregiver our emotions can run on raw, and dealing with the day-to-day stuff is difficult enough. It's like that last straw that breaks the camel's back, or the last apple that upsets the applecart. Emotions can run stretched and tight. Yesterday, I let God know exactly how I felt about it all. I was frustrated, angry, disappointed and hurting. And I dumped it all out before Him. And He listened.

So, this morning as I was preparing for live devotions, two verses stood out to me. We are working our way through Psalm 119. Verse 145 says I cried to You with all my heart and then again in the next verse David says, I cried to You!  Been there - done that. I am pretty sure there's not a caregiver out there who hasn't done that! But maybe it's just me. lol.

I can pour my heart out at the foot of His throne - and He doesn't get mad at me or fry me down to my toenails. He could, you know. He listens. He waits. He lets me rant and rave. He knows I'm frustrated - He understands.

The next verse that lept off the page at me was verse 151. You are near O Lord, Your commandments are truth. And that is where I camped. How many times on this caregiving journey have I gotten to the point where I can't think, I am numb from feeling too much. It seems I know absolutely nothing. But I can break it down to two truths to hold on to.

1. I know God is there.
2. I know His word is true.

Sometimes, I just have to go back to the bare basics and whisper, God, I know you exist. That may be all I know - and I visit that thought frequently. I know He is there. No matter how rough it gets - even in my mind - I know His word is true.Sometimes that is what makes it rough - I wish I had it in me to give up, pack it all away and quit. But I just don't. His word is forever established - it was established before He said, "Let there be light!" And it will still be established throughout eternity. His word was established before the Bible was in print. (Now that's a thought.) It just leaked out of the pens of men who got close enough to Him to hear His eternal words. They got close enough to the Kingdom of Heaven they heard some little blips and wrote 'em down. :-)

Today, I am going to meditate on these two truths: God is near. His word is true. When I feel myself slipping into that emotional abyss - I'll remind myself He is near. His word is true. I'll turn my thoughts to the eternal - foreverness of His word. I'll cling to Him and trust Him for one more day - will you join me?

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Aren't you glad we don't have a screen on our foreheads displaying our every thought? Sometimes it might be useful, but I know there are lots of things that run through my mind every day that I would not want anyone to know about.

Caregiver's thoughts are busy - they have to be because we have so many things to work out every single day. Many times I've condemned myself for my own thoughts not realizing it really is the way we work through stuff. But there are lots of thoughts that simply cannot be shared with others. For the caregiver there can be lots of things that we choose not to share.

When I first brought my son home from the nursing home and started working with him full time, I realized how difficult life was for him. He struggles to do anything. I had some thoughts many would find unacceptable. The only one I dare share is that my thoughts were that it would've been better for him to die in the wreck rather than live this way. Immediately I condemned myself for thinking that only to do some research and find that it was totally normal to have those thoughts and emotions; they go with the grieving process. They are normal to have - but not normal to share.

I started thinking about this because this weekend during my personal devotions I found myself in Luke 7, a passage I've read probably thousands of times. But this time, I saw something different. It reads like this:

Now when the Pharisee who had invited Him (Jesus) saw this,

he said to himself, "If this man were a prophet He would know

who and what sort of person this woman is who is touching Him, 

that she is a sinner."

And Jesus answered him,

I stopped there because that's what grabbed me. The Pharisee was upset that Jesus was letting this "sinner" wash His feet and had these judgmental thoughts. They were just thoughts - but Jesus answered them. If He knows the thoughts of the Pharisee, don't you think He knows the heart and thoughts of those who love Him?

Psalm 139:3 says He is intimately acquainted with all my ways. He knows my thoughts, actions and even the intents of my heart. Verse 1 of this psalm says He understands my thoughts.  I will rest in that today - knowing that He knows my thoughts - the good, the bad and the ugly - and He understands them. He understands me, the caregiver.

Today I will rest in the fact that God understands me - He gets me; and He offers no condemnation. I will rejoice in the fact that He is intimately acquainted with all my ways and knows me inside out. I'm okay with that. My goal for today will be to relax and not try  futilely to  hide my thoughts. I'm going to let Him run around in my thoughts and heart all day unrestrained and yield to His presence in my life. Will you join me?

Ishmael? - That's a good name!

Growing up in the Western church I always heard about Ishmael in a negative light. He was "Abraham's mistake." It's not Ishmael's fault he was born! I've met a few people named Ishmael over the years and wondered why anyone would choose the name of a "banished vagabond" as a name for their child. Even though I understand the prophecies the Lord gave Hagar about Ishmael, I see it a little differently today.

As I awakened to start my crazy day at 5 AM like I do every day of the week, I was already tired. It's difficult to start out the day tired, but caregivers understand that things just have to be done, tired or not. My early morning thoughts were about Hagar at the well and how she was elated that God could see her and her unborn son. So I opened up my Bible to Genesis 16 and scanned through the chapter.

Hagar ended up in this position because of an injustice. Her master was Abraham and his wife, Sarah. Hagar was given to Abraham for the purpose of bearing a child to begin with. That was the goal. This was due to Sarah's impatience while waiting on the promised of God. We know two women in one house are not going to get along. Verse 4 says that Hagar looked down on Sarah because she had conceived but I have a suspicion that Sarah might have had a little jealousy herself. Anyway the two parted ways under not-so-pleasant circumstances.

Pregnant Hagar is driven away after being "treated harshly." Could it get any worse for her? Here's where it gets good. Verse 7 says now the angel of the Lord found her  by a spring of water in the wilderness. If he found her, he was looking for her! The angle sent her back (never quite understood that) but before he did, he told her to name the child Ishmael - God hears. Then in verse 13, Hagar realized that God saw her there at the well. She said, You are the God who sees.

There are three points that brought me comfort this weary morning. One was that God found Hagar - He was seeking her out. The second thing is that God hears - even though there was no mention of prayer. And the third thing is that God sees. He has found me! He hears the deepest unspoken cries of my heart! And He sees exactly where I am!

Today I will meditate on the truth that He does know me, He sees me and He hears me. Call me Ishmael!