Who am I?

 

I know you guys understand when I say that some days are better than others. Emotions can dip on a dime and it often takes a big shovel and lots of effort to get them back up where they need to be. This morning was one of those times for me. Who knows what the reason was, I just felt myself sliding down the slippery slope as depression tried to suck me in. 

In my devotions this morning, I read Psalm 121. I had written it into a song when my son was in isolation in the hospital. I picked up my guitar to play it and thought about sharing it here. But there is something going on with my wrist and it just wasn't going to happen. I'm so glad as this psalm says, my help comes from the Lord. 

Since I refused to give in - I went to the piano and began to just praise Him. Well, it didn't take long once my focus was on Him instead of me. I began to feel the load of the day shift off my shoulders and onto His. I will look to the Lord, my help comes from the Lord - the Maker of heaven and earth. Soon, all my worries were washed away as the notes I played and sang carried them away and to His throne.

Then, I became overwhelmed with the thought that He cares. He sees. He hears. Who am I? I asked myself. That the One who created the world - the Creator - listens to my heart as I pour it out before Him. He doesn't have to. He is God, after all. Yet He takes the time to listen to my hurting heart.

That must be a little bit of how Hagar felt when she realized God heard her cry and saw her tears. He sees it all. When we are up and doing well - and when we are down or just trying to make it through the day. He doesn't have a pause button that He pushes. And He doesn't have a fast forward so He can skip the ugly parts. He sees it all. 

But who am I that He is mindful of me? Who am I that He hears? Who am I that He chooses to see? Yet He does. Because He wants to.

Today, I will shift my focus off of what is going on around me and onto what it must be like around His throne. I'll think about the constant praise that goes on in His presence. My meditations will be on the truth that He knows right where I am, what I am doing, and what I am feeling. He doesn't avoid me - He joins me on this journey in time. By choice. I'll let that overwhelm my day today. Will you join me? 

Safe Keeping

As usual, my mind kicked into high gear as soon as my alarm went off this  morning. I've got so much to do! On one hand, that's a good thing because I don't tend to push the snooze as many times when my mind starts running through today's to-do list before I get one eye open. On the other hand it's very tiring.

I will freely admit I am an over-thinker. I either have hundreds of questions to ask before a statement is finished, or I've worked through 101 scenarios in my mind of what could occur, knowing most likely none of them will!

I do the same thing with caregiving and daily life. As I'm going through my list of gotta do's today, and some get-to-do's too, I realize there really is a lot more than just caregiving on my plate. As I mentioned earlier this week, the aide quit so I've not had any help in the daily chore arena for about 2 weeks - and there's no aide in site.

I never thought of myself as a juggler, just not that coordinated; but lately I'm wondering if I should try again! lol. As caregivers we juggle a lot - our daily caregiving tasks, household chores, finances, and maybe when we are lucky some sort of social interactions. Add to that the fact that many of us hold down full or part time jobs or go to school and we can be a hot mess at any time. What's a caregiver to do?

So while my mind was running through the health coaching session I have scheduled for this afternoon, the work I need to get done for my job, how I'm going to try to relax and just enjoy my grand kids today while they are here, whether or not I should go to taekwondo tonight and rescheduling my late payment I got an email about today, I had this novel idea. How about I just give it all to Him?

Of course my mind went to 2 Peter 5:7 - Casting all your care on Him for He cares for you. Actually, I'm learning that this is the easy part. I can give it all to Him for safe keeping. He will guard my soul, he will provide in the area of finances, and He will give me peace in the midst of my day. So what's the problem?  I keep going back to pick up what I've given Him for safe keeping - like I'm there to pick up a scheduled delivery!

It's one thing to give it all to Him and quite another to leave it with Him. I can give it to Him - but will I trust him with it? 

Today I will seriously put my efforts into learning to leave my cares with Him for safe keeping. I will meditate on 2 Peter 5:7 and figure out how to give Him my worries and concerns. My thoughts will be on trusting Him for another day - and letting Him establish His peace in my heart while I wait for Him. I'm trusting Him with one more day - will you join me?

Rest? Who Needs Rest?

When I first brought my son home I soon realized that a good night's sleep was a thing of the past. It was like having an infant again where even if they sleep well, you wake up with every little sound they make. I finally adjusted and relaxed a bit until now I do get some sleep.

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm pretty high strung and very active inside and out. I hate to sleep - I know I need it but it seems like such a waste of time. Do you know what all I could get done in that 6 hours? Yes, 6 hours, that's what I try to give myself because I just can't stand to sleep away one-third of the day.


Actually, sleep and rest are two different things and as I have battled my own medical conditions of late (perhaps brought on by lack of sleep? *smile*) I have learned the importance of sleeping and resting. Sleep is the way we rest our bodies so they remain strong and fight off disease. But rest is an inside thing. Maybe that's why Jesus said in Matthew 11:29 that He would give us rest for our souls.  Our mind, will and emotions need to find that place of rest more than our bodies do. If our minds are going too fast or our emotions run high there is no good sleep anyway. Our mind and emotions can rob our bodies of necessary rest.

God understands the caregiver's need for rest; and He is gentle with us. There are days when we think we cannot move one more step. And then have to take our loved one to urgent care or the ER. We step up and do what needs to be done knowing that when we do get back home it's going to be a long night. We can go without sleep, and many of us do much of the time; but He can give us rest for our souls.

There is a place in Him where our souls can be comforted on the most difficult of days. Hebrews 4:9 tells us that there remains a Sabbath rest for His people. Even though the caregiver's life is far from normal to others and it can be very hectic - there is a rest we can walk in. Remember Matthew 11:29? Jesus prefaced that by saying Come to me. Even though the church tends to ignore the caregiver, Jesus does not shun us because we look different and live differently than others. He reaches into our chaotic, painful world and gently says, "Come to me and I will give you rest."

Today I will make a conscious effort to come to Him. My meditation will be on the truth that He loves me and cares for me. I will turn my thoughts to working at resting in Him. Will you join me?

For Those Who Are Alone

Sometimes all we can do is trust. There are lots of questions and rather than providing a nice distraction,holidays seem to create more dilemmas and questions than answers. It can be funny if you want it to - if you can lighten up a little bit. If you think about it long enough and how difficult it can be to get through even just a normal day - and then add to that the hectic-ism of the holiday plus the fact that everyone else thinks we should be excited about it - it really is kinda funny!

This is for all of those who are overwhelmed by the holidays rather than enjoying them. Perhaps you have found yourself alone once again; or maybe it is insurmountable situations that are nagging at your heart. Yeah, sure everyone thinks you are supposed to be happy just because it's Christmas - but that is really only in the movies. Santa Claus doesn't really come! lol! And a cheerful heart doesn't magically appear! So how do you hold on in the season where everyone else is rejoicing and caught up a materialistic cyclone? And we know our days do not change?

 We continue to trust Him. Even on days when it doesn't all work out like in the movies. Psalm 34:22 says that those who trust in Him will not be ashamed. Honestly, we may not know what that looks like in the picture of our own lives - but one thing is sure - we will continue to trust. We will do it whether alone or with others; whether we see our own answers or not! Today - we are not alone no matter what we are facing. We must simply make up our minds that it is better to trust Him, period! So let us trust Him today right in the middle of our situations. He will carry us through.

Are You Wearing Clothes?

Well, of course you are! And the birds are still singing too! These two things are sure signs that God is still at work and has not forgotten us.

Matthew 6:25-33 is a familiar and wonderful passage about God's concern and care for us, His children. He explains that we cannot add one little inch to our height or one hour to our lives by worrying about it. Of course, we actually know the opposite. Worrying effects our body in very negative ways and it can actually mean a shorter life if we spend lots of time worrying.

I found out early on in my life of caregiving that worry didn't help anything! It didn't bring in money, make my son better, or for that matter, make any part of the day better. And in this passage, we are reminded that God sees all of that...and more! He is fully aware of our troublesome situations, He is aware of the loneliness, and He is not ignorant of our struggles. If He takes such good care of birds and grass why would we think He would do less for us?

Now at first I was wondering just how He clothes the grass of the field. Then I pictured a patch of lush, green pasture. He didn't have to make the grass green - He could have made it clear and see through! Wouldn't that be something? But He built an elaborate scientific process called photosynthesis that keeps the grass green most of the year. He made sure grass was covered, and He will cover us too.

We have clothes, food and shelter...He does provide for us. He will be our comfort and emotional support as well. He is not more concerned about our body than He is about our spirit - or vice-versa! He is interested in taking care of our entire being.. we just get our focus more on the natural sometimes. Let's decide to make today a "no-worry-allowed" day. Every time a worry comes up - jot it down on a piece of paper to deal with tomorrow. Take care of obligations of course - but jot down the things that nag at you and put it "on hold" until tomorrow.... you might be surprised how freeing it is to let go of the things you cannot change right now!

Taking Care

As with any type of trial, caregiving has bad days and better days. Each day is filled with its own struggles and hopefully triumphs! But there are those days that there has to be  conscientious effort to lay our burdens on Him. And because we are superman in so many ways, this can be a difficult task. I mean face it, we are the ones expected to hold it all together...but what if we are falling apart? Oh trust me, we are good at this and we will hold it together to get our loved one through the day! Even if it means we sneak off to our room now and then to let it all out!

But those times when we are so totally overcome by exhaustion and emotionally wiped out there's only one thing to do. Lay it at His feet.

One of the scriptures we are taught at a very early age is 1 Peter 5:7. We are taught to cast all your care on Him, for He cares for you. And I think there are two ways to interpret this verse. One of course is that He is a loving, caring Father and we can give Him all our concerns and woes. The other way I look at it is that we can give Him all our worries, concerns and cares because He will do the caring for us.

Today, or the next time you are overwhelmed take a moment to give it to Him and let Him do the caring for you in both ways. He will take care of you and He can also do all the caring on your behalf! Even though we don't get a day off - take time today to give your emotions a break...and give it all to Him!