There are times that I joke about living in a cave; and even though things are said in jest it really can seem that way at times. Many times the caregiver lives a very isolated life where activities outside the home are very limited. For awhile this used to wear on me but it has finally settled in and my cave is a very safe place, a peaceful place and I am actually finding that I do not do as well outside the cave as I used to.
Others really do not understand the caregiver's cave. There's just no way for others to understand the lack of freedom that can be experienced. You cannot just jump up and go grab a few things from the store, have coffee with a friend or go to an afternoon matinee. The things that are commonplace for the majority are rare for the caregiver, if they exist at all. We cannot expect others to understand our situations - they are not living the experience with us. We do not fit society's mold and sometimes we can feel quietly discarded.
No one will actually say anything - not that it would help. Have you ever just felt politely ignored? When people do not know what to do with you they are not impolite - they just ignore! Even the church can be this way. They do not know what to do with those of us who are homebound and cannot fit their church-going mold. So we do not exist to them. I won't bore you with the details of all the churches or church people who have politely ignored us. lol. But I will tell you that one pastor asked me what I needed and I replied with one word: fellowship. He eagerly said they could do that. (I think he was relieved that I didn't ask for money lol!) But most of those who live in situations with continual pain whether it's physical or emotional have probably already guessed what happened. I never saw him or any people from that church again. I'm not mad - they just don't know what to do with us so they politely ignore us. We become quietly discarded because we can't function in their world. No blame -- just the way it is.
The term that came to my mind earlier this week was cast away. There are times when the caregiver can feel like society or even life in general has just cast us away. We are here - we are breathing - but we don't really exist. When I started meditating about being cast away and realizing that our existence is not in this world but in Him, my mind went straight to 2 Corinthians 4. The apostle to the early church Paul says this we are afflicted in every way...but not crushed. Now for those faithers out there -- they would call this admission a negative or faithless confession. It is not. Paul is stating the obvious. Until we can view where we are in honesty - we'll never be able to view Him in truth. Paul did not stop at this he went on to describe the utter despair he was feeling: perplexed but not despairing; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down but not destroyed. That about sums it up.
I would like to add quietly discarded - but not rejected. Even though much of the world ignores our situation - God is still fully aware. He has not rejected us - He has not left us. Life may have struck us down but we are not destroyed!! Even though it feels like life has cast us away - to live in the caregiver's cave - God caught us and holds us even now.
Today I will meditate on how He is my present help - He holds me - cherishes me and loves me. I will picture Him holding me...and then I'll rest in Him. Will you join me?
Step Out of the Traffic!
This has been a very busy week around here: supplies that do not come in, nurses that drop in unexpectedly, aides that don't show up (they're fired) - and it's only Tuesday! For the caregiver it simply never stops! Life can be a tilt-a-whirl that never takes a break, just keeps spinning and spinning with no relief in sight. *sigh* Sometimes it seems we cannot even slow down enough to take a breath. It only takes a few minutes for everything to snowball on top of you when you are already underneath the load and emotions are already on "high."
Maybe it's just me, but in those times it can be very difficult to figure out what is the "right" thing to pray. After a few years of caregiving (or suffering otherwise) we've pretty well prayed it all out. That can add frustration too. So yesterday when it all caved in on me again I did what I taught others to do for years. I went right to Psalm 46:10. It's good in any version: KJV says Be still and know I am God. The NASB says: Cease striving and know that I am God. the CEV says it this way: Calm down and learn that I am God." The Message says it like this: Step out of the traffic! Take a long loving look at me, your High God. I guess that about sums it up...when life is overbearing, pain unmanageable, people not present - just be still, cease striving, calm down and step out of the traffic!
When you live in the furnace like caregivers do life can become overbearing at any second. Sometimes we do good to even know we are saved! But when it is too much - it's time to quiet our soul in the presence of the One who created it... and say with or without breath -- I still believe You are God. Somehow this acknowledgement that doesn't really change anything....changes everything.
Take a moment today to remember that He is still God. Remind yourself that whatever ongoing tragedy is occurring in our lives has not dethroned God. As we quiet ourselves simply in honor of His existence...the world becomes a much quieter place around us. He will give us strength to walk another day.
Today I will remind myself that He is still God - has always been God - and will continue to be God. Be quiet my soul....He is still God!
Maybe it's just me, but in those times it can be very difficult to figure out what is the "right" thing to pray. After a few years of caregiving (or suffering otherwise) we've pretty well prayed it all out. That can add frustration too. So yesterday when it all caved in on me again I did what I taught others to do for years. I went right to Psalm 46:10. It's good in any version: KJV says Be still and know I am God. The NASB says: Cease striving and know that I am God. the CEV says it this way: Calm down and learn that I am God." The Message says it like this: Step out of the traffic! Take a long loving look at me, your High God. I guess that about sums it up...when life is overbearing, pain unmanageable, people not present - just be still, cease striving, calm down and step out of the traffic!
When you live in the furnace like caregivers do life can become overbearing at any second. Sometimes we do good to even know we are saved! But when it is too much - it's time to quiet our soul in the presence of the One who created it... and say with or without breath -- I still believe You are God. Somehow this acknowledgement that doesn't really change anything....changes everything.
Take a moment today to remember that He is still God. Remind yourself that whatever ongoing tragedy is occurring in our lives has not dethroned God. As we quiet ourselves simply in honor of His existence...the world becomes a much quieter place around us. He will give us strength to walk another day.
Today I will remind myself that He is still God - has always been God - and will continue to be God. Be quiet my soul....He is still God!
Ever Been Disappointed?
Life can be disappointing at times and the caregiver can find themselves having to constantly pull themselves up by their bootstraps as the old saying goes. Most likely the very reason we had the opportunity to become a caregiver was one of life's huge disappointments. Perhaps it was a tragedy such as a wreck or an accident, or maybe it was a serious diagnosis; no matter what it was it certainly was not the way we had envisioned our lives turning out - and that can be very disappointing.
1 Peter 2:6 is a quote from the Old Testament that says this: Behold I lay in Zion a choice stone, a precious corner stone, and he who believes in Him will not be disappointed. (NASB) When life is full of disappointing news we can start to think that God didn't know what He was talking about. To be completely honest, I was very disappointed in God when my son was seriously injured in an automobile accident. After all weren't we led to believe that since we served God our kids would be safe? Well, I was. When the grave news started settling in and I realized that God was not coming in riding on a white horse to rescue me out of the situation - I was disappointed in what I had believed.
When we look at this scripture in context, we will see that it is talking about the body of Christ - and offering ourselves as an offering to God. (1Peter 2:5) It's not so much talking about life being free from disappointments. I think it's saying to me today that no matter what disappointments may come my way in life - we will not stand before God disappointed. As we continue to trust Him for our daily existence (necessary for the caregiver's survival!), we will not stand before Him and be disappointed. He will not be disappointed in us - and we will not be disappointed in whom we put all our trust and belief.
We can become very focused on what we see right now that we forget there really is a bigger picture. He will keep our souls - we must keep our bodies. They are subject to decay (thanks Adam and Eve!), they will wear out, get injured, become weak etc. But our spirit man will not have to stand before God with an ounce of disappointment - He is able to sustain us and present us holy and blameless before Himself - no matter what life brings our way.
Today I will meditate on how He sustains and strengthens me through life's disappointments. Will you join me?
1 Peter 2:6 is a quote from the Old Testament that says this: Behold I lay in Zion a choice stone, a precious corner stone, and he who believes in Him will not be disappointed. (NASB) When life is full of disappointing news we can start to think that God didn't know what He was talking about. To be completely honest, I was very disappointed in God when my son was seriously injured in an automobile accident. After all weren't we led to believe that since we served God our kids would be safe? Well, I was. When the grave news started settling in and I realized that God was not coming in riding on a white horse to rescue me out of the situation - I was disappointed in what I had believed.
When we look at this scripture in context, we will see that it is talking about the body of Christ - and offering ourselves as an offering to God. (1Peter 2:5) It's not so much talking about life being free from disappointments. I think it's saying to me today that no matter what disappointments may come my way in life - we will not stand before God disappointed. As we continue to trust Him for our daily existence (necessary for the caregiver's survival!), we will not stand before Him and be disappointed. He will not be disappointed in us - and we will not be disappointed in whom we put all our trust and belief.
We can become very focused on what we see right now that we forget there really is a bigger picture. He will keep our souls - we must keep our bodies. They are subject to decay (thanks Adam and Eve!), they will wear out, get injured, become weak etc. But our spirit man will not have to stand before God with an ounce of disappointment - He is able to sustain us and present us holy and blameless before Himself - no matter what life brings our way.
Today I will meditate on how He sustains and strengthens me through life's disappointments. Will you join me?
So Ambiguous!
My mentor told me one time that I was ambiguous but I didn't know what it meant at the time and so I had to go look it up. After I discovered what it meant, I realized I had two very different opinions about a lot of things. Over the last few days I've felt sort of divided about how I feel about God too. (It's okay - He understands and isn't mad at all!)
On one hand - I love God with all my heart and trust Him fully. On the other hand I really don't understand why bad or difficult things have to happen in life; or how come He allows them. I think I found a Psalm to help me sort it all out. It's Psalm 42 and it starts out with the psalmist discussing how they long for God. As the deer pants for water - that's how my soul longs for God. I feel that way; even wrote a chorus about being thirsty for His presence to invade every part of my life.
Verse 4, talks about how the psalmists remembers hanging out with God's people. I recall being very involved in "church" and even leading in worship. Sometimes I must admit I miss it, even though I do not ever want to go back to the same life I lived before I became a caregiver. Many times for the caregiver, attending church and being able to fellowship with other believers is simply a thing of the past.
Verse 5 the psalmist seems to dive deep into despair and tries to encourage himself by saying why are you in despair my soul? Why are you disturbed within me? But then he answers himself by saying Hope in god, for I shall again praise Him. When I saw the psalmist struggling with these two extreme emotions - totally longing for God and trusting Him - even thinking about worship; and then swinging all the way over to wondering where God is and feeling lost in despair - I was encouraged.
I was not happy that someone else was going through such a difficult time sorting through emotions like I do - but it encouraged me that God saw fit to include it in His word. This leads me to think that He understands that we are weak - that we need Him - that we must have His strength to carry this load! It's almost like He left it right there in Psalm 42 to tell the caregiver that we do not have to be in despair, but to remember that our hope is in Him - not in ourselves!
Today I will continue to meditate on His strength being in me to help me carry on. I'll speak to myself like the psalmist did and I'll tell my self to hope in God and praise Him for the help of His presence.
On one hand - I love God with all my heart and trust Him fully. On the other hand I really don't understand why bad or difficult things have to happen in life; or how come He allows them. I think I found a Psalm to help me sort it all out. It's Psalm 42 and it starts out with the psalmist discussing how they long for God. As the deer pants for water - that's how my soul longs for God. I feel that way; even wrote a chorus about being thirsty for His presence to invade every part of my life.
Verse 4, talks about how the psalmists remembers hanging out with God's people. I recall being very involved in "church" and even leading in worship. Sometimes I must admit I miss it, even though I do not ever want to go back to the same life I lived before I became a caregiver. Many times for the caregiver, attending church and being able to fellowship with other believers is simply a thing of the past.
Verse 5 the psalmist seems to dive deep into despair and tries to encourage himself by saying why are you in despair my soul? Why are you disturbed within me? But then he answers himself by saying Hope in god, for I shall again praise Him. When I saw the psalmist struggling with these two extreme emotions - totally longing for God and trusting Him - even thinking about worship; and then swinging all the way over to wondering where God is and feeling lost in despair - I was encouraged.
I was not happy that someone else was going through such a difficult time sorting through emotions like I do - but it encouraged me that God saw fit to include it in His word. This leads me to think that He understands that we are weak - that we need Him - that we must have His strength to carry this load! It's almost like He left it right there in Psalm 42 to tell the caregiver that we do not have to be in despair, but to remember that our hope is in Him - not in ourselves!
Today I will continue to meditate on His strength being in me to help me carry on. I'll speak to myself like the psalmist did and I'll tell my self to hope in God and praise Him for the help of His presence.
Life on the Sidelines
Even in our technological world it can seem like we are cut off from life. The caregiver cannot always get out and about like everyone else; sometimes even though we can keep up with others via television and Facebook, it seems everyone's life goes on where ours stopped. This is a normal part of caregiving; and one we must deal with. I usually deal with painful areas such as these by finding something similar in scripture; we can find comfort in situations when we see that someone else has lived through similar circumstances. It allows us to grab hold of some hope that tells us we can get through this season!
As feelings of isolation swept over me last week, I began to feel like life had discarded me. Immediately I went to the Word for hope and peace. In 2Samuel 9 we find King David looking for any survivors of the household of Saul. He finally found Ziba who had been one of Saul's servants and he asked Ziba if there was anyone at all left in Saul's household as David wanted to show God's kindness to them." (v.3) Ziba replied to the king that there was one of Jonathon's sons still alive -- but he's crippled. It seems he said it in such a way that indicates Mephibosheth wasn't worthy of being blessed because of his disability. But I love David's response- he did not ask how crippled Mephibosheth was or anything about his condition - he said Where is he? David went on to give Jonathan's son a place at his own table and he lived with David the rest of his days.
Mephibosheth ate at David's table as if he was one of his sons. David made sure that Mephibosheth received all of Saul's belongings and ordered that other people take care of him by farming his land; all while Mephibosheth lived in the palace!
I tend to think of it this way - my life is crippled; my son is crippled and discarded by society. He has no "friends"as he cannot give back to the relationship. It can be very easy to feel that life has discarded us altogether. But as I read on through 2 Samuel I found an interesting verse in chapter 14. It says this: God tries to bring us back when we have been separated from Him. He does not sweep away the lives of those He cares about.
Even if we feel like we are living life on the sidelines - God has not discarded us! Others may not understand what we are going through and many may not ever reach out to us in our pain. But God does know where we are and who we are and what we are going through. And just like David sought out Mephibosheth - God seeks us out to bless us, to hold us and offer us a place at His table.
Today I will meditate on the fact that I am a King's kid! I'll think about how He has provided and continues to provide for my family. I will picture in my mind what it must look like for Him to come looking for me! And I'll smile....will you join me?
As feelings of isolation swept over me last week, I began to feel like life had discarded me. Immediately I went to the Word for hope and peace. In 2Samuel 9 we find King David looking for any survivors of the household of Saul. He finally found Ziba who had been one of Saul's servants and he asked Ziba if there was anyone at all left in Saul's household as David wanted to show God's kindness to them." (v.3) Ziba replied to the king that there was one of Jonathon's sons still alive -- but he's crippled. It seems he said it in such a way that indicates Mephibosheth wasn't worthy of being blessed because of his disability. But I love David's response- he did not ask how crippled Mephibosheth was or anything about his condition - he said Where is he? David went on to give Jonathan's son a place at his own table and he lived with David the rest of his days.
Mephibosheth ate at David's table as if he was one of his sons. David made sure that Mephibosheth received all of Saul's belongings and ordered that other people take care of him by farming his land; all while Mephibosheth lived in the palace!
I tend to think of it this way - my life is crippled; my son is crippled and discarded by society. He has no "friends"as he cannot give back to the relationship. It can be very easy to feel that life has discarded us altogether. But as I read on through 2 Samuel I found an interesting verse in chapter 14. It says this: God tries to bring us back when we have been separated from Him. He does not sweep away the lives of those He cares about.
Even if we feel like we are living life on the sidelines - God has not discarded us! Others may not understand what we are going through and many may not ever reach out to us in our pain. But God does know where we are and who we are and what we are going through. And just like David sought out Mephibosheth - God seeks us out to bless us, to hold us and offer us a place at His table.
Today I will meditate on the fact that I am a King's kid! I'll think about how He has provided and continues to provide for my family. I will picture in my mind what it must look like for Him to come looking for me! And I'll smile....will you join me?
The God Who Gives
After talking about encouragement yesterday I studied it a little further. This morning's plan was to share Romans 15:5 which says: Now may the God who gives perseverance and encouragement grant you to be of the same mind with one another according to Christ Jesus.(NASB) First of all, it's pretty amazing that He just gives us encouragement. There's no stipulation - when you pray, if you ask, if you follow all the rules in the book; it just says He gives patience and encouragement. As a caregiver this is good to know, because if I feel that I am lacking in persevering or encouragement I know I can go to Him and ask Him to help me make it another day...and He will.
As I was meditating on this particular scripture I stopped on the phrase the God who gives and did a quick search. What I found was pretty amazing. He really gives us a lot! Here's a list of some of the scriptures that I found by searching the God who gives - these are only the NASB version too - if you run other versions through Bible Gateway's search you'll find a lot more!
I found that God gives:
Today I will meditate on how He gives to us freely. I will think about how encouraging it is to know that He has already provided the things I need to make it through one more day. Today I'll meditate on all these things that He gives and I will be thankful for His provision of peace and encouragement. Will you join me?
As I was meditating on this particular scripture I stopped on the phrase the God who gives and did a quick search. What I found was pretty amazing. He really gives us a lot! Here's a list of some of the scriptures that I found by searching the God who gives - these are only the NASB version too - if you run other versions through Bible Gateway's search you'll find a lot more!
I found that God gives:
- songs in the night (Job 35:10)
- grace and glory (Psalm 84:11)
- breath and spirit (Isaiah 42:5)
- rain in its season (Jeremiah 5:24)
- the Spirit without measure (John 3:34)
- the victory (1 Corinthians 15:57)
- His Holy Spirit (1 Thessalonians 4:8)
- life (I Timothy 6:13)
- wisdom (James 1:5)
Today I will meditate on how He gives to us freely. I will think about how encouraging it is to know that He has already provided the things I need to make it through one more day. Today I'll meditate on all these things that He gives and I will be thankful for His provision of peace and encouragement. Will you join me?
Where'd Y'all Go?
As caregivers we can spend a lot of time alone or with just our loved one. When they are non-verbal, it adds an extra dimension to the loneliness we can feel. Loneliness and depression can be major struggles not only for the caregiver, but for those who are going through life's trials that are continuing with no end in sight.
There are lots of scriptures on encouragement in the Bible; but I noticed that about 80 to 90 percent of them involved someone encouraging another person. I had to chuckle since that's sort of part of the problem for caregivers - there's no person around to offer us that encouragement. This can add to the feelings of aloneness and loneliness. So once again - it's up to us to do it! And that- we can!
First of all, it's important to realize that during those times when we become burdened beneath the load - it is not a lack of faith.If we take an honest look around - we run to Him and cling to Him more tightly when we feel that we cannot take another step. There is no lack of faith for the weary or battle worn soldier-it's inevitable that we will get tired, weary, and oftentimes even discouraged under the daily load of care that we bear. Clinging tightly to our God is not the lack of faith - it's a demonstration that we are still holding on. So don't beat yourself up for being tired, weary, or discouraged...it's part of the package.
In I Samuel 30:6 David found himself in a very tight spot. They had just sent him home from a battle he was really wanting to fight. He was fully capable, ready and willing but some of the men did not fully trust David yet; so the commander sent him home. As he and his men came into camp they found it ransacked and raided. Their wives were gone, their children were taken captive and the warriors were distraught. It says that they wept until there was no strength left to weep. (v.4) Now that's a picture for you - these battle hardened soldiers crying and crying. (I don't feel so bad now! lol)
To add to the discouragement- the other men started talking about stoning David and blaming him for their misfortune. He was in a very tight spot. Just like the caregiver, he found himself in a place with no one there to encourage him. So what did he do? The old KJV says he encouraged himself in the Lord. The NASB says that he strengthened himself in the Lord his God. And that may well be where we are today - we must encourage ourselves.
Today I will encourage myself by meditating on the truth that God is walking in this living furnace with me - He has not abandoned me. I will meditate on the truth that He strengthens me to walk this walk. I will also concentrate on clinging to Him today. Will you join me?
There are lots of scriptures on encouragement in the Bible; but I noticed that about 80 to 90 percent of them involved someone encouraging another person. I had to chuckle since that's sort of part of the problem for caregivers - there's no person around to offer us that encouragement. This can add to the feelings of aloneness and loneliness. So once again - it's up to us to do it! And that- we can!
First of all, it's important to realize that during those times when we become burdened beneath the load - it is not a lack of faith.If we take an honest look around - we run to Him and cling to Him more tightly when we feel that we cannot take another step. There is no lack of faith for the weary or battle worn soldier-it's inevitable that we will get tired, weary, and oftentimes even discouraged under the daily load of care that we bear. Clinging tightly to our God is not the lack of faith - it's a demonstration that we are still holding on. So don't beat yourself up for being tired, weary, or discouraged...it's part of the package.
In I Samuel 30:6 David found himself in a very tight spot. They had just sent him home from a battle he was really wanting to fight. He was fully capable, ready and willing but some of the men did not fully trust David yet; so the commander sent him home. As he and his men came into camp they found it ransacked and raided. Their wives were gone, their children were taken captive and the warriors were distraught. It says that they wept until there was no strength left to weep. (v.4) Now that's a picture for you - these battle hardened soldiers crying and crying. (I don't feel so bad now! lol)
To add to the discouragement- the other men started talking about stoning David and blaming him for their misfortune. He was in a very tight spot. Just like the caregiver, he found himself in a place with no one there to encourage him. So what did he do? The old KJV says he encouraged himself in the Lord. The NASB says that he strengthened himself in the Lord his God. And that may well be where we are today - we must encourage ourselves.
Today I will encourage myself by meditating on the truth that God is walking in this living furnace with me - He has not abandoned me. I will meditate on the truth that He strengthens me to walk this walk. I will also concentrate on clinging to Him today. Will you join me?
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