Can we just be Honest?

There are some topics that caregivers are not going to discuss with others - not even other caregivers. Our emotions can be too raw too much of the time and there's no place where the pain or grief totally stops. Many days we just suck it up and continue to care for our loved one and give no regard to our own emotions and feelings. Sometimes this is how we actually survive the difficult role we must play for another. We can get very absorbed into their care and forget about our own pain and suffering. But then there are times when it can all come crashing in on us; emotions and thoughts run through our hearts and minds like crazy. What do we do with the rushing river?

As I was reading Psalms 15 this morning one phrase really stuck out to me.

O Lord, who may abide in Your tent?
Who may dwell in Your holy hill?
He who walks with integrity, and works righteousness
And speaks truth in his heart.
Psalm 15:1,2

No matter how good or how bad our day is going or how crazy our emotions might be today - we can always speak the truth in our hearts. It's actually very important to be honest about our feelings and the things we may be dealing with. God already knows - and when we pray - we have no need to shroud the truth. By simply being honest with him about our fears, doubts, mistakes and pain - we have free entry to His presence. And that is where we are refreshed and gain the strength to face one more day of caregiving.

Why would we try to conceal the truth of what we hold in our hearts? Are we afraid He will be disappointed in us? Perhaps we feel that He will reject us if He saw it all. But He already sees it all - and loves us anyway. He has the power to walk with us in the furnace so that we are not consumed by the fire. He carries us over the stormy waters so that we are not overcome by its waves. He is the only thing that is stable in our lives - let us run to Him with all of our questions and concerns.

Today I will meditate on His ever abiding presence and rejoice that I can literally tell Him everything. He will think no less of me because I do! I'll rejoice in His acceptance today - and turn to Him in my pain and grief. Will you join me?

I'm a Refugee!

Last night as I was laying in bed reading trying to find sleep, I came across Psalm 16. I know it's been there all along, but last night several of the verses really spoke to me and my situation. I'll spend this week sharing devotions from this particular Psalm.

The first verse grabbed my attention right away. David starts out with Preserve me O God. In my mind, "preserve" translates to "save." I hear David's heartfelt cry for God to help him. I don't have to tell other caregivers how many days have begun with a similar prayer; and how many days have ended with the same prayer. It's not even that we need to be saved from our situation, but we desire our souls to be preserved in the heat of the furnace. One of my prayers throughout this whole ordeal has been for God to help me keep my faith strong. I've prayed that I would not let these trials make me bitter - but help me emerge stronger in Him. That's what I think of when I pray "preserve me O God."

The second part of the verse is a totally different type of statement. David goes on to say, for I take refuge in You. Even though he continues his thought - Lord I need you to preserve me - because I continue relying on you as my refuge. In my mind it is an intentional statement of faith. What I mean is that it surpasses time. In trying to understand how strongly David was relying on the Lord for preservation of faith and life I think it is correct to read into it a little bit more. And if not - this is my wordier version - You have always been my refuge - You are my refuge today and will always be my refuge - I run to no other - I look for no other!

Today I will meditate on God's power to save - His power to preserve our souls through faith even in the fiery trials of caregiving. And I will declare that He is my refuge; I will purposefully look to Him for strength, direction, wisdom and peace. Will you join me?

Wisdom, Peace and Coffee

Caregiviving can mean some very long nights; sometimes it seems like they won't ever end! That's how I felt this morning as I went in my son's room after a long night of listening to him cough. It's not that parents aren't used to it - it's just that you can get so tired, so weary. I had already started his breathing treatment just a little after 5, made my coffee and was getting his bolus together. While trying to decide what medicine to try to see if it would make him feel better, and trying to decide if we need to make yet another trip to the ER, I heard myself utter this simple prayer: Lord, today I really need wisdom...and your peace...and my coffee of course!

It's difficult when you are making choices that affect another person's life and well being and sometimes it weighs on you heavily. Not only can He give His wisdom and offer our hearts His peace - He can make sure the coffee doesn't run out! (lol)

This has been a long year with lots and lots of struggles so far. Sometimes I just get tired - no weary and at times it's so difficult to keep your head up. I keep reminding myself that Isaiah tells us that God never gets weary. (Isaiah 40:28) I'm so glad that He does not get tired of walking this through with me. Sometimes I feel the weariness of others too. Weary days mean high coffee days for me! So I just tagged that on to the end of my simple prayer today.

Proverbs 2:6 tells me that God gives wisdom. So does James 1 for that matter. It's something He has a large supply of and He's not selfish. Today I pray that we have His wisdom for making it through today. He is the God of Peace (Romans 15:33) and I really need Him to fill me up to the rim of my coffee-cup heart with His peace today!

Now may the God of hope fill you 
with all joy and peace in believing,
so that you will abound in hope
by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans15:13)

Today my meditation will be on pursuing Him as the God of MY peace and asking Him to supply the wisdom needed to make one more day. Will you join me?

Who Cares?

It can be easy for caregivers to think that no one cares. But in most instances, we know people do - they just do not know how to express it or show it. I remember when my son was first injured and how many caring people came through the SICU to see him. After 3 weeks we moved to an isolation room on a regular floor and still there were quite a few visitors that came through. As the hospital stay alone turned into a 4 month journey I knew that visitors would continue to taper off. I didn't take it personal; it's just the way it is. Sometimes this can feel like people do not care. But that's not really true it's just that they do not know what to do with the situation over the long haul.

Very few people have what it takes to continue walking an extended journey with you. But that does not mean that their intentions are bad. Folks just don't know what to do when the battle continues on. A lot of people are very good at being there for someone who is in "fix it up" mode; but have no clue what to do past the initial shock and trauma. They get to return to their normal lives while you are left to try and figure out how to get used to your new "normal" which is anything but normal. In most cases everything has changed including the friends you had. And it can be easy to slip into thinking that no one cares. Most people really do care - they just don't know what to do about it...so they ignore you.

2 Peter 5:7 tells us to cast all your care on Him, for He cares for you. I look at this last phrase "He cares for you" in two different ways. On one hand we can think of it as He cares for us - or is concerned about our needs, pains, and wants. He cares what goes on in our lives and offers us peace and comfort. The other way to look at it is that He does the caring for us - so we don't have to. For me, either one of these can be very comforting!

Have you ever had times that you felt like He didn't care? Honestly, I have. When life gets hectic and feels out of control it can be easy to wonder where He went and if He really cared why all of "this" (whatever your "this" is) ever had to happen in the first place. But remember all our favorite stories in the Bible - it is likely that they are our favorites because of how the person overcame adversity not escaped it altogether. We gain courage when we think about how David killed Goliath, Daniel was rescued from the lion's den, or Moses took the Children of Israel across the Red Sea. He was with them caring for them in their trouble.

Today I will meditate on the truth that God is with me and that He is going to do all the caring today! I'll think about how He cares for me by providing for my every need, comforts me and watches over my soul. Will you join me in letting Him care for us today?

When There's No End in Sight

Most of the crises in life have an end. Something happens, we work through it; we live through it and move on. I've received notes from individuals who were even in a caregiver's role for a short time due to an accident or illness. But for many caregivers there is not necessarily any end in sight. For some of us the rest of our lives looks like this...whatever "this" is to you. That can be a difficult thing to swallow.

This morning I was thinking about Isaiah 43 and how the Lord promised that we would face the fire and the flood; and that He'd be with us through them. But even these scriptures indicate we'll get through  them at some point. But for some that either looks impossible or very far away at best. What do you do when there's no end in sight? How do you cope when there is no promise that this trial will be over soon? You hold on.

Eternity will come; but it can be difficult to set our gaze on eternity when our pain is so in our face. Can eternity help us get through today? Ecclesiastes 3:11 says that He put eternity in our hearts. We are already in eternity - but we anxiously await for the day our "faith becomes sight" as it was so eloquently put in the hymn It is Well With my Soul. And we must remember that the writer of this treasured hymn wrote it in a moment of extreme soulful pain. He had lost his family in a tragedy - not something that can be erased even though you move on.

Eternity reminds us that we have this treasure in an earthen vessel.(2 Corinthians 4:7) And that this earthen vessel which houses the Holy Spirit of the living God is not exempt from affliction, persecution, or distress. The Apostle Paul explained to the Roman church that God can work everything out for our good when we trust Him - that does not mean that pain goes away or our trial ends speedily - but that there will be good come from it. Sometimes it's the changes in ourselves. We learn to trust Him more and that has value in eternity.

In the latter part of 2 Corinthians 4:7 Paul says that we have the treasure of Christ in this clay pot - so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves. No one understands better how powerless we are than the caregiver. But today I will rest in the truth that He is inside of me carrying me (and sometimes dragging me ) along. I will gain strength by acknowledging that He is my strength and that He has put His eternal Spirit inside of me to walk with me through the fire and the flood. And He does not get weary like I do.

My meditation today will be on how my body houses an eternal God. I'll think about how He lives in me and gives me strength even when there is no end in sight. I'll let Him work His works in me today - He did not change His goals when I became a caregiver or when tragedy struck. He is with me - through the fire - through the flood. And I will allow Him to carry me today - will you join me?

Doing Our Part

When I started with the theme about being still this week I really didn't know it was so much work (see yesterday's post!). But as I went through the different scriptures I realized there is a lot resting on our shoulders to be still. Exodus 14:14 is one I have heard all my life and it says: The Lord will fight for you while you keep silent. (NASB) The context is Moses and the Children of Israel standing on the edge of the Red Sea with Pharaoh's army pressing in from behind. In verse 13, Moses tells them that they are going to see the Lord's salvation and God's going to take care of the oppressor. Verse 14 then goes on to say He will fight for them. However, they have to do their part as well - keep silent.

I let my mind form the picture of what is happening here as if I was standing there listening to Moses. I have an army of people who really do not like me and I do not know if they want to take me back into slavery or just kill me. Then in front of me is  a raging river that is impassable. And Moses wants me to keep silent? He instructs me to wait on the Lord and let Him do all the work? Doesn't Moses know I'm a caregiver and I know how to get things done? I'm used to doing it all myself!

As caregivers we have learned to adjust to just about any situation that presents itself. We are one of the most adaptable people around and we tend to have to fight in just about every arena just to survive. We have to argue with health care workers to just simply do their job, delivery people who can't seem to do what they said, the system to get proper supplies, and the list goes on and on and on. But He wants us to keep silent or be still? Only if we want Him to fight for us!

Now I understand that there are things we cannot let go and it can be a fight to get things done. We cannot give up in that arena. God's not going to call FedEx or DHS for us. There are things we have to take care of and I'm not talking about sitting down and just seeing what He can get done in the natural realm today. I'm talking about settling our souls down and getting our minds and hearts to a place of stillness so that His peace can overtake us and He can fight the battles of life for us. 1 Peter 5:7 says for us to cast all of our anxiety on Him, because He cares for us. That's what I'm talking about - I think you'll find when you let Him carry you spiritually, the natural will be much easier to deal with.

Today I'm going to meditate on being still, and keeping silent. My goal is to not complain (tall order I know!) about where I am in life. I'll give every anxiety over to Him as He enables me to handle everything that life chooses to throw. I'll do my part of finding my rest and peace in Him - will you join me?

Being Still is Hard Work

Last week I thought a lot about God's presence and how it is always with us so we are never really alone. That led my thinking to Psalm 46:10 which says Be still and know that I am God. This was the theme for yesterday's broadcast Actions Required. On one hand being still before our wonderful God seems like it would be a very simple thing. But it's not really about just getting quiet, which can be very difficult for the caregiver to begin with. That little conjunction "and" indicates to me that further action is required. Be still and know He is God.

Being still goes beyond finding a quiet place to read and study, or simply stilling our souls to meditate on Him, although that is part of it. Finding time may be a more difficult task in that the caregiver's day can be filled with activity. In many cases we hit the floor running long before dawn and don't stop until late at night. We live a hectic life even if we are mostly contained in our homes. But it is very important to take time to quiet ourselves down and simply acknowledge His lordship in our lives. Not only must we be still we must also know He is God.

When we take the time to purposefully quiet ourselves before Him, we are acknowledging Him as the most important thing in our lives (no matter how hectic they may be). We may say for the moment:  Lord, there is nothing more important in this moment than to acknowledge you are my God. This is the beginning of learning to rest in Him and trust Him for our strength. I love those moments when I can put all of the crazy parts of life on hold and just sit with Him awhile. Not only can purposefully taking this posture before God help make your day better - it can improve the rest of your life!

Today I will meditate on laying aside all the "crazy parts" of life and acknowledging His lordship in my life. I will concentrate on how I am fully His and there is really nothing else that matters. As I acknowledge that He is my God, I will trust Him for one more day - and purposefully lay my heart at His feet in worship. Will you join me?

The Chase

  This morning, I was reading about Benaiah in 2 Samuel 23. He was one of David's mighty men, and these three or so verses are all we kn...