My Times are In His Hands

I can't even begin to imagine what Job went through. If you go back and read the first chapters of Job you'll see how he lost his children, his wealth and sustenance, his possessions and even his health. Sometimes I read Job when I think I can't handle anymore. Early on in my caregiving journey (and sometimes even now) I feel a great sense of loss. I had rid myself of my possessions and was headed to the mission field when my son was involved in the accident. When he was going to be released to "go home" I had nowhere to take him. Add that to losing who he was and I dealt with a heavy sense of loss for a long time.

I compensated for the losses I felt by buying anything I wanted. I'd see a movie, a book or a piece of furniture I liked and I'd buy it. It took me some time to realize I was making purchases and other allowances in my life to try and make up for the great loss I felt. I say that to say only on a very small scale can I begin to understand the enormity of loss Job had to feel. Even Job's friends didn't know what to say in the situation. When they heard of his tremendous trials they came and sat with Job. They sat in silence for seven days, because there really wasn't anything to say. I so appreciate my friends who have been present through this journey even though they may have been uncomfortable and didn't know what to say or do, don't you?

In Job 13:15, he declared, though God slays me - I will trust Him. I've heard it said that this was a lack of faith on Job's part. But I think that it was the ultimate statement of trust. Job was pretty much saying that no matter what the journey brought he was going to continue to trust the Lord.  Even though he was faced with huge losses Job clung to God. I can't say I've had that much tenacity in my situation. I've been angry and didn't care what role God wanted to play in my life. How could He let all this happen? I know nothing happens that doesn't cross His desk for approval first.

And yet gradually I worked my way back around to trusting Him for the journey. Eventually, I was able to say once again that no matter what life brought - it's better with Him than without Him. I found that He was patiently waiting. He wasn't angry, He didn't cast me away; but His gentle presence welcomed me freely. My times are in His hand declared the psalmist. (Psalm 31:15) I must rest in that truth and continue to trust Him.

Today I will meditate on trusting Him more fully. I will not worry about losses, I'll concentrate on His gentle presence in my life. I will rest in Him and trust that my times are in His hands and He's as committed to this journey as I am. Will you join me?

Quick Escapes

When I first brought my son home I could not transport him by myself. Due to the head injury, he was very stiff and  sometimes wouldn't bend once you got his stood up. This made it difficult to get him in a vehicle. Add to that the fact that I was inexperienced at transfers and let's just say we stayed home a lot! Eventually, I was able to get a handicap van and we enjoyed a brief amount of freedom. It was short-lived as the van is very old and needs a lot of work. Presently it sits in a parking spot outside my apartment. I'm pretty much stranded. You might say I am a captive in my own house for the most part. I do have the option of public transportation and use it a couple of times a week.

Even though I sometimes feel like a captive in my own house, it's nothing compared to what others like Daniel have gone through. In the first chapter of Daniel we find the story of the captivity of a great number of Israelites. He found himself in great adversity. He was:

• Held captive 
• Physically mistreated and mutilated
• Made incapable of having children
• In a land foreign to his own
• Separated from his family

Even though Daniel was in a state of adversity, he made up his mind about some things. In the first chapter, verse 8 the Bible tells us that he "purposed in his heart" to not eat the king's food. He refused to defile his body. Daniel was taking a big change here; he could have been killed simply for refusing.Here he was facing great adversity and a life that had become very complicated but he choose to hold to his convictions.

The caregiver's life can be a state of adversity. We can feel like we are held captive by the situation; and at times it seems like everyday is a battle. But like Daniel, we can make up our minds to be pure, to follow our convictions and hold true to the Word of God. We can choose to follow peace in our heart and not allow things in our lives that displease the One we serve.

God saw Daniel's dedication to Him. He did not offer him a quick escape from his situation. There is likely no quick escape for the caregiver. Instead, we see that Daniel was content in the situation and trusted that God would take care of him. Like Daniel we can't just look for quick escapes out of difficult situations, we must determine in our hearts that we will live a life of purity even in adversity. We must determine that we will live a life of purity and holiness before the Lord and not use our adversity for an excuse. We ultimately must trust Him for the safety of our hearts.

Today I will trust Him with my heart. I will purposefully evaluate my life to see if there is anything that might be displeasing to God. And I will remove it. I will not look for a quick escape - I'll look for a way to honor Him in my situation. Will you join me?

Well, It Sounds Easy

Jesus spoke some powerful words in John 14:27. He was instructing His disciples about what to do after His departure. He explained that Holy Spirit would come and help them. I'm not sure the disciples were quite ready to live life without His up-close-and-personal presence. We all enjoy those times when God's presence is almost tangible. It's the times we can't feel, hear or sense His presence that are the toughest.

Jesus offered these words for His disciples and for us: Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful. Even today He offers us a peace beyond our understanding. The caregiver's world is oftentimes anything but  peaceful! There are so many  needs... and so many questions like "How am I going to handle______?" I'm sure you can fill in the blank with any number of things like finances, transportation, or other decisions that sometimes have to be made on a daily basis.

But Jesus specifically said, do not let. "Let" is an action and takes work on our part. We are not to let our hearts be troubled or fearful. It may sound easy, but it's actually rather difficult. Jesus didn't give us any exclusions either! He didn't say, let not your heart be troubled nor let it be fearful.... unless it is a worthy concern; or unless it's too big for you to handle. There is no "unless;" it's just a "don't."

Another thing I find interesting in this scripture is that twice Jesus told us He was giving us peace; and twice He told us to not be fearful. He said, peace I leave, and peace I give. Then He said don't be fearful, and don't be afraid. For me this means that there is enough peace for me to have anytime I feel fearful. His peace is enough to match up with any fears the caregiver may face. We just have to accept His peace while working through to a workable solution.


Today I will meditate on allowing His peace to reign supreme in my heart. I'll wait for His peace before addressing situations and I will purposefully allow His peace to take over my heart and replace my fears. Will you join me?

Running the Caregiver's Rat Race

Today I am reminded just how hectic the life of a caregiver can be. We might ought to apply for a juggling gig with all the things we have to do some days. We have to make and keep doctor appointments, work with aides and therapists, order supplies, stock supplies, pick up medications from the pharmacy; and that's all on top of the "normal" daily chores that have to be done like bathing, feeding, cooking, pureeing foods and just taking care of another whole adult body. Add to that some of the "normal" activities like babysitting grand-kids or shopping for groceries and you can have a pretty hectic rat race going on.

Thankfully even though our days are typically full, they are not always all that busy and full. Change is a constant friend. Psalm 46 describes some physical changes in the earth like mountains moving and shaking, and the earth being removed. Even though our physical world is not undergoing changes that drastic, as caregivers we live in a changing world where there is always "stuff to do." There's always something that needs our attention.

It's so important for us to take time to "be still." In Psalm 46, the psalmist describes world changing events but then ends it with God's words: Be still and know I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!"  What a beautiful reminder to not only take time to be still and acknowledge the presence of the Almighty; but also a reminder that He will be exalted in our tumultuous situations. Even in a world that is hectic and changing, God is present, The Lord of hosts is with us: the God of Jakob is our refuge. 

Sometimes we just need to quiet our hearts and minds and say, "I remember that You are God." Our situations do not change Him or anything about Him. He is still the same all-powerful God He was before tragedy or trouble struck. Sometimes we must settle ourselves down and just be thankful that our situations are not strong enough to change anything about Him.

Today I will meditate on the fact that He is God all by Himself. He did not change the day I became a caregiver, but remains one constant in my life. I will turn my thoughts to His ever-abiding presence and be thankful that He is with me on this journey called life. Will you join me?

His Eye is On Us

David wrote the first 7 verses of Psalm 32 in first person. He is speaking to God, acknowledging his faults and thanking God for forgiveness. In verse 7, the psalmist makes this statement:

You are my hiding place,

You preserve me from trouble;

You surround me with songs of deliverance.

This he finishes off with a "Selah!" Which simply signals the reader to stop, reflect on what was just said and take a moment to think about its depth. Even though verse 7 is a powerful reminder that God is with us, providing shelter and singing over us even in the storms of life - it's the next verse that catches my eye.

In verse 8 there is a total switch and God is responding to David. He says:

I will instruct you and teach you

in the way which you should go;

I will counsel you

with My eye upon you.

God says He will instruct us, teach us and counsel us. We don't have to wander through life like we are trying to find our way out of a deep, dark forest. He provides all the help we need along the way. While I am thankful for His instruction, counsel, teaching and help, the last phrase stands out to me. God isn't just throwing instruction our direction - He has His eye on us. He is watching us - actively involved.

I take taekwondo and my instructor always has an eye on us. Right in the middle of a sparring match she may say, "when you make that kick..." or "watch for those open shots." And for me she is usually telling me to "keep your guard up" or "don't beat up the white belts." (smile) God is like that - He's not just sitting far away on His throne sending out general instructions. He is watching us and offering us specific strategies on how to deal with life. He gives us wisdom  when we ask. We have what we need - but it is good to know that He has His eyes on us. 

Today I will meditate on the truth that He sees me. I will meditate on how He is actively involved in my life. I will specifically ask Him for wisdom for today - and I will listen. Will you join me?

I'm not Stuck - I'm Going Through

I have read story after story by caregivers who feel like they are carrying the responsibility all alone; and in too many cases, they are. Caregiving can be a lonely walk. Not only are there limitations when it comes to outings, friends don't really know what to do with your new lifestyle either. They don't realize that your likes and dislikes didn't change when you became a caregiver. Did you like playing cards or going to movies before caregiving? Then it is likely that you still do. But sometimes those outings are no longer practical and in some cases they are not possible. You are the same person but your social scene may have changed. This can add to the loneliness that many caregivers experience.

The good news is that even when you feel all alone - you are not. I find myself returning to a favorite passage in Isaiah 43. It says something like this:

When you pass through the waters

I will be with you;

And through the rivers,

they will not overflow you.

When you walk through the fire

you will not be scorched,

nor will the flame burn you.

For I am the Lord your God...

Caregiving can become a heavy load if we carry it all alone; and we can feel like we are going down for the third time. And realistically, there is a lot to fear. My own fears have involved things like making financial decisions, medical decisions and a whole host of decisions all made for someone else and affecting others. What if I make the wrong decision? It can be a vicious cycle. The good thing is that we are not going through all alone. God is with us!

Notice in Isaiah each phrase includes the word, "through." It doesn't say you are stuck in the water or the fire but when you go through the trials. We are not stuck and we are not going through all alone. He is with us.

This makes me think of Psalm 23:4 where David says even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death - I will fear no evil.  Why? Because You are with me. 

Today I will meditate on the fact that God has not left me hanging in the midst of the trial. He is walking it through with me. I will remind myself that God is with me on this journey and sometimes - He has to carry me. Today I will think about relying more on His strength and less on my own - because quite frankly, mine runs out. Will you join me?

Family Resemblence

In 1 Peter 4:11, the apostle tells the reader that when we serve we are to do so with the strength  which God supplies. He also says that the final outcome of serving others is to see God glorified.When I first became a caregiver I could not see how God could possibly be glorified. After all, I was headed to the mission field to work for Him. I dealt with a lot of frustration when my "life" as I knew it was disrupted by caregiving. Our illusion has been that the only way to serve God is to work in "the church." If you don't teach Sunday School, lead worship or preach surely you are not serving Him.

Caring for our loved ones is a demonstration of the love of Christ to the rest of the world. John 15:13 quotes Jesus as saying, "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." We as caregivers offer a true picture of faith, love and compassion. In many instances, the caregiver has sacrificed their own lives in order to provide care for another. Isn't that what Jesus did for us? He paid the ultimate sacrifice.

One day I was caring for my son and I was mourning my old life; but I knew that I loved him too much to think about it too long - or to ever go back. In that moment I realized that it was that type of deep love that held Jesus to the cross. It's the exact same love that keeps us serving our loved ones. We bear a family resemblance, we look like Him when we serve.

Today I will meditate on His great love for me. I will think about the truth that He did not abandon me when life got ugly. Today I will continue to think about His ever abiding presence and peace in my life. I will enjoy Him today as He provides the strength to serve. Will you join me?