Quick Change of Clothes

I don't know about you but lately my days seem overly busy and downright crazy at times. It can be so easy to get carried away in the details of caring for another. And try making one simple change to something as basic as a meal plan, changing a supply order or going with a new company for an aide and a snowball effect of crazy events can begin. There's a reason we can feel like we have too many irons in the fire. We do. But they are all necessary in order to take care of ourselves and our loved ones.

Caregivers have days where we are just tired. It does not change the long list of chores we have to accomplish for the day, but we can be tired before we even begin.

It can be easy to get caught up in the world of caregiving and forget about ourselves. We sort of wear this caregiver's mantle because we need to. We can be that take-charge-kind-of-person it takes to get things done. Who else is going to do it, right?

This morning when I arose I thought about how tired I was before the day even got started. In my daily devotions, I found myself in Isaiah 61. There were several phrases that caught my eye today.

comfort all who mourn

giving a garland instead of ashes

oil of gladness instead of mourning

mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting

I paused and thought about just these phrases in the first three verses. Honestly, I wondered if I could have some insteads. Garlands, gladness and praise sounds good to me! My thoughts sort of landed on that last one, a mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting. 

We are the same person we were before we became a caregiver; but it's important to remember that before we are a caregiver, we are a child of God. Today, I decided to take off my caregiver mantle for a little bit and put on a mantle of praise.

It's as easy as it is difficult to praise God. If you don't know where or how to begin, just think about the things He's done and tell Him "good job!" Even in our crazy lives there is something to be thankful for - I like to start there. Just take a moment or two to express your thanks to Him. It will change your perspective and lighten your heart.

Today I will meditate on Him and His great works in my life and in the lives of others. I will intentionally find ways to praise and thank God. My thoughts will be on His greatness rather than my weakness. I will imagine I have on a mantle of praise today. Will you join me?

Can You Hear Me Now?

One thing that can upset an already jam-packed day is for your loved one to become ill. Most caregiver's schedules are already tight enough without having to take care of the additional issues that arise from an illness, no matter how brief. This week, my son has been ill and to add to the complications, we had been in a situation recently which demanded we change doctors. This meant that I was dealing with a doctor who does not know my son's medical history and does not know me.

I called and spoke to the nurse several times only to basically be blown off as she finally said, "Why don't you just take him where you normally take him." (Yes, that just happened!) I was not happy about that at all and my first thought was, If I'm going to do what I was doing before, why did I change? 

What they don't understand is how complicated some of the simplest life tasks can be in a caregiving situation. I have to make ride arrangements 24 hours in advance and my son is sick and declining. But as caregivers we tend to just suck it up and get it done, don't we? I took Chris back to the clinic that I preferred to begin with only to find out he was in worse shape than I even thought. I reported it back to the new doctor before I even left the premises because he needed chest x-rays. They decided since he was doing so poorly, they would send the doc out after all. I'm like really?

So the doctor comes out and totally confirms what I learned at the clinic and what I'd been saying all along. Don't you hate it when you feel like no one's listening? Perhaps these types of situations are why I like the story of Hagar from Genesis 16. The situation wasn't perfect, and there were unacceptable behaviors all around. But Hagar found herself in distress. This is when the angel of the Lord came to her and told her she was pregnant and to name the boy Ishmael which means God hears. 

It's only a few chapters later where we see Hagar and Ishmael in another bind. Chapter 21:17 says God heard the boy crying. Once again "God heard." Yesterday I had a sense of satisfaction knowing that now the doctor was listening. We can rest assured that God hears us too. But He doesn't make us jump through lots of hoops before He takes time to listen.

He hears more than just our cries. He hears beyond our words - and connects with our hearts. He hears our emotional plea, our deepest thoughts, joys and fears.David expresses this best in Psalm 139:3 You are intimately acquainted with all my ways.

Today I will meditate on the fact that God is purposefully listening to my heart. When my thoughts run rampant today I will remember that He hears them, and I will reel them in and allow His peace to reign in my heart and mind. I will take time today to listen for His heart too. Will you join me?

Why Can't Life have a "Pause" Button?

Caregiving is not an easy task period; and any given day can bring numerous surprises both good and bad. You just never know how a day is going to go. You never know when you are going to run out of steam, or when you'll have a burst of energy. People can surprise you by not showing up, or they can surprise you with an unexpected text asking if you need any help. The emotions can be all over the place for a variety of reasons.

In the midst of caregiving - life continues for everyone else and life itself doesn't take a break. As a caregiver, we deal with our personal situation plus all the "normal" stuff life throws at you. We get sick, we read cutoff notices, vehicles break down, friends are diagnosed with serious conditions, and family members pass away. Caregiving doesn't give us a break from life - life continues just as it would if we were not in the role of caregiving. Sometimes, I would like to find a huge pause button for life. Can't it stop for just a little bit and let me catch my breath?

Between the rest of life and caregiving it can feel like we never get to come up for air sometimes. But God has our backs. I think of Psalm 18:28 in these tough moments. For You light my lamp; the Lord my God illumines my darkness.  He can bring hope and light into any situation.

In this same psalm, David mentions more than once that God girds him with strength. I envision it as if God wraps His strength all around him. Maybe I see it that way because that's what I feel I need when life and caregiving collide. A little bit of His strength goes a long ways - and a little bit of His light brightens a large area. The darker the room - the more impact a little light can have.

In this verse, David speaks of God's light twice - he notes that God lights his lamp; and God shines His light into the darkness.

Today I will reflect on His light while I'm looking for the "pause" button. Even though we may feel overwhelmed, He will bring light into the situation. My meditation today will be on His strength in me and I will allow Him to carry me through this day. I will purposefully look for His light as I journey through today. Will you join me?

Ever Changing But Always the Same

I enjoy reading the last few chapters of Job where God takes over the conversation. In chapters 38 to 41, God takes the time to describe creation from His point of view. There are many questions that God asks of Job during this passage and we all know He isn't looking for "information." He already knows the answer - He is measuring Job's response.

In Job 38:12, God asks Job if he's ever commanded the morning to appear and caused the dawn to arise in the east. Then in verse 19, God asks, where does the light come from and where does the darkness go?  Put this with Psalm 104:19 where it says the sun knows where to set; and you have a full day orchestrated by God.

The sun never "rises" and forgets which way to go. It is so designed and set in place by God. He started it in Genesis and nothing has been able to interrupt the process. Except for that one time on Joshua's behalf where God caused the sun to stand still. Day and night continue the way God set it up to work. No matter what our daytime hours bring - it doesn't stop for any reason good or bad. I actually have learned to hate the statement life goes on. I've heard that a lot and once my life changed to where I was living out tragedy day by day I found it offensive. I wanted to say, No, your life went on. Mine stopped.

But the truth is that even though in the midst of tragedy life seems to stop - it really does just keep moving. God didn't stop His eternal clock because I ran into a road block or a tough time. Time just continues to unfold a second at a time, a day at a time. The sun continues to rise and set.

I actually find it comforting that the sun isn't thrown off course just because I have a rough day; and it doesn't speed up or slow down based on my emotions. What God put in place stands, period. The fact that His system still works brings me comfort and peace. It means to me that everything He's promised is still in tact. His word still applies to the caregiver. His promises are still true - no matter what life brings.

If we want a picture of His renewed grace just watch a sunrise or a sunset, each one totally unique from the others. What a picture of constancy and creativity; ever changing but always the same. That's how God moves in our lives. He under-girds us with His patience and strength and yet explodes with mercy and grace to make another day.

Today I am going to watch the sun as it moves across the sky; and I'll meditate on God's constancy. I will turn my thoughts to His unbreakable love, mercy and grace. I will rejoice that my day does not orchestrate His - He orchestrates mine. Will you join me?

Say What You Mean - Mean What you Say

If there is one thing I have learned since I became a caregiver it is to be open and honest with my feelings. I learned that God is big enough to handle my "real" feelings - there's no need to "protect" Him. People I had more difficulty with because you're never sure how someone is going to take what you say and how it's going to affect them. Over and over I've had people tell me that they appreciate the openness and transparency with which I write. But it didn't come easy for me. Maybe I just figured I didn't have anything to lose; or perhaps I just got too tired to filter everything any more. Who knows?

I've been open and honest with God for a lot longer since I figured He already knows what I really think, so why would I try to hide my emotions or thoughts from Him? But being open with people has been another story. I have trust issues for sure - and I'm not denying that. Actually, this openness that I am just discovering is something I've admired about David and the other psalmist. In too many instances, the "church" has directly or indirectly taught us that our emotions are a sin. I've been told, Don't say that  or even you shouldn't feel that way. What other way can I feel, but how I feel? (smile)

David doesn't seem at all worried about what people think about his feelings and emotions. He just lays it all out there before God and man. And David was a king - he was in the public eye which means that a whole lot more people actually cared what he thought. I think sometimes he seems ambiguous, or divided in his thoughts. For instance, in Psalm 25:15 He makes a bold statement of faith:

My eyes are continually toward the Lord,

For He will pluck my feet out of the net.

He makes a plea for grace followed immediately by some strong emotions. 

I am lonely and afflicted

the troubles of my heart are enlarged

bring me out of my distresses

In some of the circles I've been affiliated with we were not even allowed to say we were lonely, afflicted or distressed. Using these "negative" terms was considered to be showing a lack of faith. But I think that we cannot honestly ask God for help with something we cannot acknowledge. And how can we honestly accept His help if we refuse to declare our needs? 

God is big enough to hear our earnest plea for help. His hearing is good enough to hear our silent cries in the night. As caregivers we are used to carrying the whole load; and we typically feel like we have to act like super heroes and do it all on our own - or we are failing. (Maybe that's just me!) But today is a good day to just be honest with God about our emotions, feelings, struggles and victories. Another psalmist said God is a very present help in time of trouble. I like that He is very present. 

Today I am going to roll all of my cares over onto God's big shoulders. I'm going to be honest with Him about the troubles of my heart, and I am going to trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Sandwiched by Faith

I love reading the Psalms and particularly enjoy the ones written by David. He seems so open and honest with his feelings and doesn't typically hold anything back. David doesn't worry about what everyone else might think about him, he just lays it all out there. Sometimes it can seem like he goes from one emotional extreme to another all in one psalm. That's something many caregivers are very familiar with. Each day can bring a wide range of emotional challenges and changes until we start to think we are losing it for sure. But we are in good company it seems.

In Psalm 31, David makes a lot of "I" statements. In the first few verses, David is declaring his trust in God. He says some things like:

I have taken refuge (in You)

I commit my spirit (into Your hands)

I trust in the Lord

I will rejoice and be glad in Your lovingkindness

These are some very powerful declarations and worth grabbing a hold of in our own lives. They are perspective changing declarations that can help us get our attitude in the right place when things have gone crazy in our lives. But at the same time David is making these powerful statements he lets loose with some honest and raw emotions. He says things in the next few verses like:

I am in distress

My life is spent in sorrow

My strength has failed

I have become a reproach

I am forgotten...

I am like a broken vessel

What caregiver has not gone through this range of emotions? On any given day we can feel like we just can't make it one more second, our strength is gone. And oh how familiar we can be with being forgotten. Loneliness can be one of our greatest battles along with depression. We can feel reproached, forgotten and alone...like we are broken and beyond repair. I'm so glad that David took the time to preserve this psalm because we can start to feel not-so-alone knowing that our emotions are not foreign - others have experienced them too and were not afraid to write about it.

In the church world these feelings are oftentimes forbidden. We are told it is because of "lack of faith" that we feel them. We are further reproached because we can't seem to get a handle  on things. So we stuff it all inside and become more recluse. But if David felt them and God approved that they be in our beloved scriptures - they must be a normal part of life. While we need to work through them like we see David do- we should not be shunned or condemned for feeling them.

We do see David get past his emotional hurdles. He begins to turn his focus off his situation and onto God. After he lays it all out there (which is really good to do sometimes) he starts to  encourage himself by saying things like:

I trust in You, O Lord

You are my God

I will call on You

Save me in Your lovingkindness

How great is Your goodness

You hide us in Your secret place

It's sort of funny that he sandwiches his emotions between his statements of faith. Seems like a really good place to put them to me! So it's okay to acknowledge how we really feel - actually it's healthy. Just remember to turn your thoughts back to God when you're done. We can pour our hearts out to God and be totally honest about things that are common to caregivers: anger, depression, hurt, and loneliness. And then declare who God is - whether we feel it or not!

David ends up speaking to the reader and reminding us to trust the Lord who preserves the faithful.  And he offers hope for those who hope in the Lord. 

Be strong and let your heart take courage

all you who hope in the Lord.

Today I will acknowledge the areas where I struggle. And then I will declare that He is my God and my hope is in Him. I will I let  my heart be encouraged and I will declare I trust in You O Lord, You are my God!  Will you join me?

What Does God Want From Me?

Before my caregiving days I functioned in many roles in the church. As a youth pastor I taught the young people scriptures like Jeremiah 29:11 - that the Lord has good plans for them - for health and a future. Sometimes on the other side of caregiving, or even during life's strongest trials scriptures like this one can become muddled. If God has good plans for me, why is this happening?

His intentions for us never change. My mind goes back to the Children of Israel. God told them in Leviticus 22:33 that He brought them out of Egypt to be their God. And He said in Exodus 34:14 that He is a jealous God. The New Living Translation interpreted this verse to say He is a God who is jealous about his relationship with you. God's desire to have a relationship with His people has never changed; and is not likely to make a sharp turn over 2000 years later!

God performed mighty miracles to bring His children out of Egypt's bondage. But it was not an easy road after that - they did not have it made from there on out. In fact they faced many trials and struggles along the way. They had no water - and God provided; when there was no food God provided. He showed up each time they had a struggle even though their first thought was Let's go back to Egypt!

Caregiving is not an easy road to travel and everyone's picture looks very different. But even on a rocky road, God's heart is to have a relationship with His people - those who believe in Him - you!  He is not going to take all the bumps out of the road, or remove all the rough spots along the way. But He is going to walk it with you and His whole desire is to be in relationship with you.

I am a runner and have run a few half marathons. That's not always easy and training can be rather rough at times. But on occasion I've done training runs or races with friends. There's nothing like a long, hard stretch of road with nothing to do between the start and finish line - but talk and run - to help build a relationship. You find yourself opening up about life's deepest hurts and sharing insights that have helped you along the way.

I believe that's what God wants for us as we travel the rocky roads of life. It's what He desired from the Children of Israel as they journeyed to the Promised Land. He just wanted relationship - and that's all He wants from us today.

Today I will meditate on the fact that He wants to spend time with me - He wants me to talk to Him and share my joys, hurts, victories and failures. I will turn my thoughts toward Him today and think about how He walks this long and lonely caregiving road with me, because He wants to. And I will thank Him for desiring a relationship with me. I will engage with Him today and look for His peace while I listen for His voice in every situation. Will you join me?