Today is the Day!

Today is a double or nothing day, sort of. I have the great honor and privilege of having my mom stay for a few days. She wanted to come see me so my dad brought her down yesterday. She's a glorious 77 years old - but she'll tell you she can't possibly be "that old." While I am enjoying her stay greatly it means I have double caregiving duty.

I feel like I have a 150 pound infant (my son) and a 77 year old toddler to care for. lol Between the two of them, dementia and TBI, I have my hands more than full. and that is no understatement.

Besides taking care of these two beautiful children of God, I also have my work load and house work to keep up with... again my plate is full. That is in NO way a complaint, only a statement of fact.

So as I arose early this morning after being up late finishing up a small project for a client, I let out a sigh and my mind went straight to 2 Corinthians 12:9. Paul was crying out to God about the situations he was facing and God gave him a very specific answer, and Paul wrote down what God said, "My grace is sufficient for you."  So I figured that today is the day where I will walk out what God told Paul all those years ago.

I'm thinking God said He is the same - when? Yesterday, today and forever...so today is the day His grace is sufficient for me too.

God continues with - for power is perfected in weakness. His power is perfected in my weakness. Today is the day - that His power will come to maturity in the midst of my weakness. Paul goes on to say he will boast in his weakness because he knows God's power is going to be demonstrated in and through it.

Psalm 29 is my favorite pslam (today) and the first and last verses lead me to believe that we and God can make a strength exchange. Today is the day! I'll trade Him my strength (what little there is of it) and He trades me His. He gets the short end of the stick and I get the power to go on!

Today - is the day - where I lean totally on Him and rely completely on His strength and not on my own. Today is the day His strength is perfected in me. Today is the day I realize His grace is truly sufficient for me. Today is that day.... so I will rest in Him - and let HIs grace carry me through today - will you join me?

I'm a Juggler!

As I grabbed my coffee and settled in for a little reading and to get started on this devotion this morning, my head ran away with me. I was sorting out some finances, figuring out when I'd go to the store, coming up with a backup plan in case the aide doesn't show (which seems to be the case many times when I actually plan something), meal planning, arranging my work load for the day, and trying to figure out if I had time for both my errands and a quick run....it was a run away.

After a few minutes, I realized my brain was going a hundred miles an hour, my first cup of coffee was almost gone and I still had no idea what I was going to write. I thought, "Man, I got a million thoughts going through my head a million things to do to match 'em!" Then, I chuckled to myself and thought, "I'm a juggler!" While that sounded funny to me, I realized as caregivers, we really do have a lot of things to juggle in a day. Sometimes, I step back and wonder how we do it - how I do it; but mostly, I just roll up my sleeves and dive in the busy-ness. Just like you.

In all the busy-ness of caregiving, it's so important to stop from time to time. You know, stop and breathe. Sometimes, I stop and think of all His blessings. Actually, I've done that a lot lately as I just passed the 7 year mark. It was 7 years ago on July 1 when I brought my son home. He'd been in several facilities and I was terrified to bring him home and provide care for him. I would literally get sick to my stomach every time I had to transfer him because I was so terrified I'd hurt him. I can laugh now, but the fear was so real.

In the times of reflection, I see how blessed we've been. And I am thankful. I had no home to bring him to, and nothing to put in it but his equipment. But oh, how God blessed and people gave. Now I need to get rid of a bunch of stuff... for real. Just a small shift in my thinking, and my mind is relieved.

It doesn't take but a second to go from crazy all-over-the-place thoughts to complete peace and thankfulness. It's a small shift of focus really. And it feels so good. Instead of focusing on all the stuff I need to get done today, I can focus on what He's done for me. A pen and paper can control the to-do list, while I meditate on the He-done-it list!

With very little effort now my mind is going almost as fast thinking about the journey God has brought us on and how He has provided, and continues to provide all along the way. My thoughts are now running with how I know Him as Jehovah Jireh, my provider. If I understand that term right it literally means the "many breasted one" meaning He has more than enough.

Today, I'm shifting my focus from my to-do list, to His done-did list! I'm going to meditate on His provision for me - physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally, because He provides for the whole being not just part of us. I'm going to think about how He is a complete God - and provides peace, comfort, sustenance for my soul. As my thoughts lean themselves to that concept - of Him providing for my whole being, not just my physical needs, I'm going to keep that as my meditation for today. He provides for all of me. I can trust Him. And with that I will rest in Him and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

True Freedom

Today is "Independence Day" and so I was thinking about freedom and what that really means. Many caregivers have given up "freedoms" to care for loved ones. We can't quite go as we used to, and may not have the social life others enjoy. At times, for me, it has been quite restricting. I've felt like I was imprisoned a time or two.

Even though our circumstances are all different, caregiving means we are not our own. Even if we can plan trips and outings, it's much more complicated than just booking a room and a flight. In my situation I was out and about, working three jobs on my way to Africa when my life was jerked out from under me. I went from having total freedom to being alone in a small apartment with a nonverbal son with no interactions with others for days at a time. I felt like life handed me a prison sentence and there was no way of escape and no hope for parole for good behavior. Not that I had good behavior anyway. (smile)

Eventually, I realized my situation didn't dictate my level of freedom. I recall BC (before caregiving) being inside a prison for ministry. One of the prisoners had written a song about being free even though his body was held inside prison walls. It was a very moving song and it touched my heart, but I didn't really get it at the time. Now I understand at least in part.

Our freedom in Christ is not influenced by our circumstances. Galatians 5 talks about being free in Him and walking in the freedom of the Spirit. Now when He makes us free - we are free. No matter what our circumstances, we are free to choose whether we will walk in the spirit or the flesh. We are still in charge of our spirit man and our choices will bear fruit. We will either bear the "fruit" of the flesh, or the fruit of the Spirit reigning in our lives. Period.

We don't get an "exempt" card from living holy just because we are a caregiver. We still have to put our focus on Him and trust Him with our souls. And He will meet us there every.single.time. It's amazing to me that I can get all bundled up in nervous thoughts, anxiety, and frustration, but as soon as I turn to Him His peace can reign. It has happened over and over. I always have the freedom to choose to come to Him with my cares and concerns, joys and sorrows, hurts and healing.....I have found Him to be right there every time. My freedom is in Him - not in what I do, how I live or my situation - to be free means to be hidden in Him.

Today, I will be thinking about being free in Him. I'll turn my thoughts to how He has been there every single time I've run to Him. My meditations will once again be on His unchangeableness...His constant love, constant care and constant presence in my life. I'll take time to acknowledge that today. And I'll take time to thank Him for just being there. My intent for today - is to run to Him and stay there, and trust Him for today. Will you join me?

But if Not

This morning, my Bible fell open to the Psalms and I began to read down through Psalm 15 and 16. As I was reading, a few things stuck out to me. The psalmist starts out in Psalm 16 with the declaration: I take refuge in  You.  He declares that God is Lord and there is "no good" besides Him. The rest of the psalm he continues blessing God and realizing many of the ways God has been a blessing to him.

Sometimes it's just about shifting our focus off of what's going on around us, in us, or even to us - and getting it back on Him. Life can be so distracting at times. For me - I've been on overload for a few weeks, hence my absence, but I'm working my way back to focusing on Him and not on all the craziness of caregiving.

As I read through Psalm 16 this morning there were several things that popped out to me. Things that the psalmist said that reminded me of having "no good besides You." Like:

• the Lord is my inheritance (v.5)
• He is my "cup of blessing"
• He guards what is mine
• He guides me (v.7)
• At night - He instructs me
• He is always with me (v.8)
• He is beside me - so I won't be shaken
• He shows me the way of life (v11)
• He grants me the joy of His presence

I thought about these things for awhile - long enough to do what David did - encourage myself in the Lord. It was funny how just a slight shift of focus can bring refreshing and relief. Now to stay there!

As I was reading, I thought about how easily distracted I can be. It's not difficult for the caregiver as life itself can be a distraction. Right? While meditating - getting back on track - I thought - I'm not bowing to this life. I won't give in to the distraction. And then, the three Hebrew children popped into my head. Remember when they were being forced to bow down to another god - and they refused? I feel like that today.

The world, life and even caregiving itself can play its own music to try and draw us away and make our thoughts follow different streams. But today, like the three facing a literal fiery furnace - my heart says - But if not.

That's what they told the king. They said - Our God  is able  to deliver us - but if not we still will not bow to your gods. That's how I feel today - God could sweep down like a knight in shining armor and sweep down to rescue us. But if not -  I still won't bow down to worship the way of this world or the gods of this world.

Today I am shifting my focus back to Him. I will declare He is my refuge! I choose to bow down to His lordship and kingship in my life and will not let my circumstances be my taskmaster. My thoughts today will be on how He is my refuge - He is the "good" in my life... I will look no further. My meditations will be on His ever abiding presence and how He chooses to walk this piece of time with me. I'll praise Him for guarding my heart, for instructing my heart - and for never leaving my heart. And with that - I choose to rest in Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Enough

You know the caregiver's drill. Up and at 'em, gotta keep movin' lots to do every single day. Sometimes, I can feel like I'm stretched to the max! There's always something that needs to be done and I've finally learned that one of the things that needs to be done is rest. Just sitting down and stopping for a few minutes, sipping a cup of coffee, maybe sitting out in my back yard and enjoying some fresh air or any other activity that lets me feel like I'm in "off" mode for a few minutes can help me regain my focus and renew my energy. But it can also cause me to sink into that "I'm not enough" feeling that many experience.

Caregivers have jobs that are cyclical, they are never done. We can end up in a vicious cycle that leaves us feeling inadequate, and in some way, less-than. On a personal level, it seems most nights when I finally get to bed I'm leaving multiple tasks undone, like I can never quite catch up. And it's unending.

I woke up this morning feeling like I was running behind. I thought, give yourself a break - you just woke up! lol As I often do, I turned my thoughts into prayer. After a few minutes of skimming a few verses in the Bible looking for something to grab hold of for today I just had this quiet come over me. All of a sudden, I felt like I was enough. It was simple but pure.

We don't have to do anything to be accepted by God. We are enough. You are enough. I am enough. there's no striving, working, or pushing ourselves to be His. We just are period. There are no hoops to hop through, no 20 point checklists to make sure we measure up, and He's not sitting up there waiting for us to do enough so we can be included in "the club." He doesn't have a pen and pad to take notes. He's just waiting for us to turn to Him. It's that simple and that doable.

Today I'm going to meditate on how simple it is to turn to Him. My thoughts will be on being enough for Him. I will picture Him waiting with open arms for me. My meditations will be on how we are accepted in the beloved, and how we are the beloved of God. No tricks, shortcuts, or checklists - we just are His. That makes me smile. Now I can rest in Him for one more day - will you join me?

God in the Middle

Welcome to Monday! I always chuckle a bit when I hear people fuss about going back to work on Monday or dreading that the weekend is over. For many caregivers, weekends are no different than other days - there's no "evil power" lurking on Monday - it looks just like any other day to most of us. In some ways Monday can be a break for us - aides and other medical professionals get to take their weekends off so our help comes back on Mondays. Sort of reversed I guess.

When I woke up this morning I had what I thought was an odd scripture running around in my head. I even had to look for it a bit - it was though the earth be removed and cast into the midst of the sea. I knew it was in a familiar passage, but it took me a few minutes to locate, before I found it in the middle of Psalm 95.

I can easily quote the first part of this psalm, and run to it quite frequently. It says God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in time of trouble. I love that, especially the very present part. And toward the end of the Psalm is another super familiar verse I have come to love. Be still and know I am God. But for years, I've skipped all the part in the middle - it didn't make sense, especially between these two powerful go-to verses.

Right in the middle is where I found though the earth be removed and cast into the sea. There's a lot of destruction in the middle of this Psalm. We tend to attribute all the psalms to David, and he did write most of them. But I glanced up and saw that this particular Psalm is written by the Sons of Korah. You remember Korah, right?

The story is in Numbers 16. Korah assembled a crowd against God's leaders, Moses and Aaron. Moses said - God can choose between us. The next day Moses said - everyone on God's side stand with us - those with Korah stand with him. And the earth opened up and swallowed Korah's crew.  (verse 32) So the "sons of Korah" who survived, obviously stayed away from Korah and survived. They chose God over family and it was a good thing. So when they  say though the earth be removed they have a good basis for that, they understood it. In verse 8 they said it was God who wrought desolations in the earth. But they also understood that God was with them in the midst of all the "bad stuff" they saw happen.

I think their dedication to God and His purposes were deeper. They understood the glory of God -they had seen it in the wilderness. They understood God as their refuge, as their strength, and the very present help in trouble. But they also saw the God who sent the plagues, delivered the children of Israel, wiped out Pharaoh's army, and did wonders along the way. They understood that in the "middle part" when the earth was eating people, there was still a place with God. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God.

What I want to walk away with today is that we can know that God in the middle. He's the same when everything is going great, and when everything is not so great. He does not change no matter what we face. He is constant. He is present. He is God. Circumstances do not dictate to Him. And that is my praise point for today.

Today I will turn my thoughts to Him as my ever present help in trouble. My meditations will be on His unchangeable-ness. (new word!) I'll rejoice that He does not sway with my circumstances, or my moods. He's not a moody God. He is sure. He is steadfast. He is mine. And with that I will trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Captain of my Soul

Do you remember the last big decision you had to make? For me, if I have several choices it seems I can make better choices. I don't like feeling trapped. Choices can play an important role in the life of a caregiver. On one hand, it can be difficult making choices on behalf of another person. It's complicated when they cannot voice their opinion. And sometimes we can feel like we don't have choices in our own lives. But we do.

When I first became a caregiver, life as I had known it was ripped away. I felt trapped. I'd been preparing to go to Africa, was loving living in Chicago, working three jobs only to find myself in a small apartment back in Oklahoma. The aloneness ate at my soul. Not only did I feel trapped I also felt like my power of choice had been taken away.

A movie sparked a memory of the poem, Captain of my Soul and got me to thinking. I realized I did still have choices, even in my situation. I can choose for my soul. I know we've talked a lot here about how it's our soul that God protects. Changing my perspective was key to changing my attitude and my outlook on life even in difficult circumstances.

I think one thing I enjoy so much about the psalms is David's candor. He never denies or ignores the problem. It's in the conflicts we see him reaching for God with more determination. That's a choice. As I was reading in Psalm 119 this morning, a couple of verses stuck out to me. The first one that made me stop and think was verse 143. It says Trouble and anguish have come upon me, yet Your commandments are my delight. He didn't act like everything was going great - he faced the situation he was in and chose to delight in the Word. We can do that too.

Another one that stood out was verse 147. he said I rise before dawn and cry for help, I wait for Your words.  Then he goes on to say in the following verse that he anticipates the night watches so he can meditate on His word. Who likes to do that? The night watches are most difficult. But David decided to look forward to them so he could be uninterrupted in his meditations on the word.

No matter what life throws at us - or throws us in to - we always have choices. We can choose to run to His word, or away from it. We can choose to seek Him in the midst of the storm, or avoid Him. What choices are you making for your soul today? Paul said he had learned to be content in any circumstance. He said he knew how to get along in prosperity and poverty because his greatest need, like David's was to be with joined with God.

Today, I'm going to think about the choices I can make. I will spend some time thinking about what it means to be the captain of my soul. I will choose to embrace Him and the Word today. I'll let His words be the delight of my soul. I choose to cling to Him - and enjoy His desire to be near. And I'll choose to trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?