Eager Desire

This weekend, the weather was beautiful so Chris and I signed up for a race. I was all set to push him but the two young men in the photo asked to push him for me. They were so eager, I nervously gave them my baby. I laugh, but in all honesty, it was difficult to allow him to be in someone else's hands for that little bit of time. It did, however, free me up to run the race.

I think what moved me about it all was that they were so eager to push my son. They wanted to and as you can see by their expressions when we passed on the course, they enjoyed it. They were not enduring it or doing it because they felt they had to. I have to say - it was a true blessing and it touched my heart in a way I've not even been able to describe with words yet.

It's far too often that caregivers and their loved ones are avoided. We can start to think we have the plague or something contagious. People tend to ignore us and avoid us. Or maybe it seems that way. Many times, it's because we are different and they don't know what to do with us. So this was refreshing - enjoyable. And honestly, a little bit weird for me. My emotions didn't know what to do with it. But I liked it.

Sometimes it's just as difficult to think how God eagerly desires to be with us. We want to project the feelings, or actions, of people on Him. It can be easy to think since we don't see people wanting to be with us - surely He doesn't want to either. But just like these two young men were eager to push Chris in order to allow him the experience of going through the course in under 20 minutes and coming in third overall - God is eager to be with us. He wants us to experience Him. He wants us to experience His power as He pushes us on this course of life.

Do you sometimes find that hard to believe? I do. Sometimes, life looks ugly and I wonder why God keeps showing up. He keeps trying to be involved. He longs to be with us, to carry us, to hold us. Will we let Him?

Today, I'm going to turn my thoughts to how God wants to be with me. There's no obligation on His part - it's just His simple, yet eager, desire. My meditations will be on how He continues to walk this journey with me and will not abandon me before we cross life's finish line. No matter what the course looks like or feels like - He's in it with me until the end. I'll spend some time today just being grateful for His presence, being thankful for His want to. And I'll relax and enjoy the ride as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Do Warriors Get Tired?

Lately, I've been studying about David. Specifically, I've been reading the story about how he took out Goliath. Then I continued that study with how his men ended up taking out the four brothers of Goliath. I have a suspicion that David would have really liked to have done that himself but it didn't work out that way.

The story of how Goliath's brothers were all taken down is in 2 Samuel 21. In verse 14, Saul and Jonathan were buried. Then in verse 15, it starts walking the reader through a series of battles. These four giants were not taken down in just one battle, like caregiving, it just went from one battle to the next, back-to-back.

But David didn't get to "play." In verse 15, it says they were all down fighting with the Philistines but David became weary. His men told him he could no longer go to battle with them because it was too risky. As I read it, I thought David was a mighty warrior. He was accustomed to the battle. He never lost!  Yet he grew tired and weary during this series of battles. Even a warrior gets tired sometimes.

This really got me to thinking. What I got from it was that it's okay to get tired. We do a tough job day in and day out. Some of us have help and some do not. But like the energizer bunny, we just keep going. There are times when we don't even know how tired we are because we can't stop long enough to think about it. There are things that simply have to get done. But I'm like, If David can get weary - it's okay if I do too!

Isaiah 40:30 says Even youths will become exhausted, and young men will give up. But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. I have to say there have been many times I was weary like David, but the Lord lifted me up. I've been called "Superwoman" but it seems I keep losing my cape! lol. We must press on, for most of us there just isn't any other option. But we also must not condemn ourselves when we get weary, or when we get tired. It's part of the battle. It's part of being a warrior.

David said in Psalm 119:92, If your law hadn't sustained me with joy, I would have died in my misery. (NLT) Earlier in that psalm, he stated Forever O Lord, Your word is settled in heaven. Your faithfulness continues throughout all generations. (NASB) It's so good to know that even if our strength runs out, He remains faithful. His word still carries us, sustains us. And He has no plans of stopping anytime soon. And His word continues to ring out into forever, far enough to reach our hearts in 2018. Strong enough to continue to carry us throughout our journeys.

Today, my meditations will be on His sustaining power that never wanes or grows weak. I will turn my thoughts to the power of His word to carry me through and sustain me so I do not give up. I'll think about His strength and how I can lean on it more. And I will trust Him to carry me through this day I've been given. Will you join me?

Wineskin in the Smoke

I've been going through Psalm 119 while leading an online group devotion each morning. Today's reading included verse 83 which says I am shriveled like a wineskin in the smoke, exhausted with waiting, but I cling to Your principles and obey them. (NLT 1996) Now to be perfectly honest, I have no idea what a wineskin does in the smoke. But after asking google, I have determined that they shrivel up, dry out and become useless. That was pretty much my guess anyway.

Do you ever feel dried up and useless? I do sometimes. It seems there's not a lot of social interaction and during those long, drawn-out alone times, it can start to feel like we are separated from the normalcy of life. Because of the trauma which launched me into caregiving, oftentimes I feel like I have lived two lives, now and BC (before caregiving). They look very different. If I don't keep my mind on the word and the truth that God doesn't change even when life does, I can become depressed, upset, worried, and feel like I'm dried up and useless.

Isn't it interesting that this King of Israel, this highly feared and revered warrior - felt useless? I mean come on. He took out bears and lions bare-handedly. He killed Goliath for crying out loud! He ruled as king. Yet somehow he felt useless? Like a wineskin in the smoke.

Maybe it's not about us. Maybe it's a multi-generational attack of the enemy to try to devalue us. Perhaps it's a very well used (and effective) tool of the enemy used to distract us and slowly conquer us. Because, if David felt it, I feel that way sometimes, and a few others perhaps do too - it's not us.

And that's why the last part of this verse becomes more important.But I cling to Your principles and obey them. I believe we could easily substitute "Your word" for "Your principles." No matter how we feel, good or bad, we can cling to His word. It is His word that has revived me, rejuvenated me, comforted me, refilled me, and continues to keep me moving toward His heart. It's not about how we feel, it's about the constancy of His word through what we feel.

Today, I am going to ignore how I feel. I'm going to turn my thoughts to His word and away from my situation and feelings. My meditations will be on His faithfulness and how His word still works in my heart - no matter what I feel, or what situation I find myself in. Instead of thinking about me today - I'm going to keep my thoughts in his word, and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Find it!

No one likes suffering. At all. Actually, we spend a lot of our lives trying to avoid it altogether. We avoid relationships that might be hurtful, as well as circumstances that might cause us internal pain. Then caregiving happens and it can feel like everything is painful all the time. While it is the most rewarding "job" on the planet, the suffering endures, pain and grief are real and constant for many of us. Sometimes we might ask what good could possibly come from all this. It's a fair question.

This morning as I was preparing my video devotional for a FB group, I came across verse 71 in Psalm 119. I'm taking it a chunk at a time each morning - and boy has it been a great study! Well, at least I've enjoyed it. lol.

Verse 71 says this It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes.(NASB) The New Living Translation (1996) says it this way The suffering you sent was good for me, for it taught me to pay attention to your principles.There's nothing like a little suffering, a little pain or bump in the road to get us to turn our attention back to God. All of a sudden, we are searching the word for answers. Or we are reading through verses looking for specifics like hope, courage, peace or a present help in time of need.

Here's the thing though, if we wait for those rough spots, those bumps in the road to get familiar with the word, we are going to be lost. When we hide the word in our hearts, then something happens we start mentally thumbing through scriptures trying to find one that fits the situation. If we've stored it in our hearts - it's there when we need it.

Do you need hope today? Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing so that you abound in hope through the power of the Holy Spirit. (Rom.15:13)
Do you need peace today? Grace and peace be multiplied to you in the knowledge of God and Jesus our Lord. (1 Peter1:2)
Are you anxious today? When my anxious thoughts multiply in me, Your consolations delight my soul. (Psalm 94:19)
Are you fearful? Do not fear for I am with you, do not anxiously look about you for I am your God.I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

No matter what we face from day to day - or moment to moment, God has an answer. He may not make it all go away and come riding in on a white horse to rescue us. But He will always, always, always ride through the storm with us and providing what we need to make it through. Take time to find what you need in the word today - there's always an answer there.

Today, I'm going to meditate on how the word has carried me through the tough times. I'll think about the scriptures I learned as a child and how they bring me comfort even in the trials of life. I will take time to thank Him for walking through time with me - for not abandoning me. I'll express gratitude for the way the word brings comfort and peace and reminds me that He is indeed always with me. And I will trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

Floating Away to Lala Land?

I found this nugget this morning, I just wanted to share with you all. Sometimes it's so easy to get wrapped up in being a caregiver we forget about simple stuff out of the word. For me, I stay in survival mode so much, there's not always room for much else. It takes everything we have, every ounce of strength to make it through the day sometimes, who can think of anything else, right?

Few can understand how full our proverbial plate really is. From daylight to dark, there is something, someone, some situation making a demand on us - on our energy. Lately, with both of us taking our rounds being sick, sleep has been lacking. That makes for long days and nights. But there is something (someone) in the midst of the storm holding it all together - and it's not me. lol.

Actually, I lose it easily. I may look like I have it all together, but on the inside, I'm a big mess. My emotions are all over the place, I have fears, anxiety, self-doubt and the whole nine yards. But just like Jesus promised, He fills me with a peace that is beyond my understanding. I do not understand how we make it sometimes, you know? There is so much making demands on our energy, mindfulness, faith, strength, etc... every.single.day. And we somehow keep going. Day after day. Night after long night.

He is faithful.

So this morning when I found this verse in the New Living Translation (1996) I had the missing piece of the picture. Psalm 119:61 says this: Evil people try to drag me into sin, but I am firmly anchored to Your law. It's not so much that there are "evil people" dragging me into sin, but circumstances are always digging at me, trying to separate me (us) from the truth of His word. Our situations can be a constant soul-pain forever chipping away at our faith - if we let it. That's where the second part of this comes in - I am firmly anchored to Your law - or I'd like to say to Your word. 

When we are anchored at the heart to His word, circumstance can't drag us under. When we hide His word in our hearts, it will come up and hold us, ground us, when we need it most. Those long nights when our loved ones are feverish and uncomfortable, the long days with no human interaction, the long evenings when it feels like there was so much more we needed to get done but didn't. When we are anchored to His word - it will sustain us. Ground us. Hold us down when our emotions are ready to float us away to lala land. (Maybe it's just me?)

Today, I will meditate on what it means to be firmly anchored to His word, and to Him. My thoughts will be about how He makes us immovable, grounds us in Himself and is faithful. I will look up the song, The Anchor Holds. And I will keep my thoughts on being anchored in His strength - rather than mine. My meditations will be on being anchored in His faithfulness and being grounded in His word. I'll be grateful for the word today as I trust Him for one more day anchored in Him. Will you join me?

Simple Act of Reflection

I'm still studying and sharing out of Psalm 119 in a Facebook group I work with. I had forgotten how much I loved this psalm.This morning, one verse, in particular,  stood out. Verse 55 says I reflect at night on who you are, O Lord, and I obey your law because of this. (NLT)

What I got out of that was reflecting, or thinking about who He is, keeps me on the straight and narrow. Because of who He is I have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. When I think about His power, His greatness, His majesty, His Lordship, His Kingship... and I could go on - I can't help but worship Him and obey Him. (These two are inseparable btw.)

Where my thoughts went with this verse was to the fact (truth) that nothing here on earth changes Him one iota. Whether we face good days or bad - He's still King on the throne. His throne was not moved by my tragedy. His power was not weakened by my battle. His position on the throne did not shift in any manner because of anything I may have faced. No matter how good - or how bad life may be, it does not change Him. Nothing on earth affects who He is. He remains unchanged. And this keeps me on the straight and narrow.

Today, I'm going to meditate on this verse and reflect on who He is. My meditations will be on how He remains. He stays the same. He is still faithful. He is still all-knowing and all-powerful and life doesn't have the power to change Him or diminish Him in any way. He's still the God I trusted in my youth and as I face older ages He will remain the same. I'll be thankful for that today. Will you join me?

I Trust God

If you've read this devotion much you know I love the Psalms. Lately, I've been in Psalm 119. Sometimes, it's nice to read it slow and just digest it. This psalm is of course long, but it's broken up into little bite-size pieces. I've been taking it a chunk at a time. It's easy to tell David had a love for the word of God.

As the psalm unfolds, David continues to talk about the word and how he meditates on it, thinks about it, searches for it, and just generally loves it. Today I focused on verses 41 to 48. But my mind settled on the first two verses this morning.

May Your lovingkindnesses also come to me, O Lord,

Your salvation according to Your word;

So I will have an answer for him who reproaches me,

For I trust in Your word. (vs 41-42)

These two stood out because they stirred up some memories of my past. I recalled a time I was reproached for being ill. A woman literally sat by my bed telling me all the things I was doing wrong. She told me my sin held me in the sick bed and until I repented, I would not be well. I was so weak. I could barely speak. But I would whisper, I trust God.

During that time I held on to Psalm 57:1 and to His promise in Psalm 103 that He would renew my youth like the eagle. I clung to those two verses. I confessed them. Meditated on them and made them my focus. And just like He promised, He raised me up from the deathbed. My mom had planned my funeral - it looked like there was no hope. But He chose to take away my reproach. I had no answer but that I was trusting in God.

Recently, my son's situation, my situation, my family's situation as caregivers was a reproach to some. Later, they said it was just a misunderstanding and they tried to dismiss it as such. But some hurtful things were said to my daughter. A friend's son suffered a brain injury in a terrible accident. My daughter was told to not contact them. The implication was that we obviously didn't have the faith for Chris to be healed so don't contact them or we might make them doubt or cause them fear. Once again I felt that reproach. The emotions of that moment I do not want to relive. Yet, I will still say I trust God. 

Some reproach caregivers. They have no idea. It's been an amazing journey. Of faith. Of hope. Of love. Of self-discovery and God-discovery. But it's not a reproach. I trust He continues to give me answers to those who would bring reproach, those who look down on our situations as if there is no hope. Really. We are filled with hope - His hope carries us through each moment of each day. After nearly 10 years of disappointments, trials, struggles.. I can still say I trust God.

Today, I make that my declaration again - I trust God. No matter what today brings - I will continue to trust Him. I'll meditate on his faithfulness as I continue to trust. I trust God - today and every day. Will you join me?