Boxed In

There are lots of reasons for caregivers to be tired. Sometimes, we stay tired. It takes all our strength to keep putting one foot in front of another to make a day. Lately, I've had times it feels like it takes everything I've got to just to breathe.  I kinda hope I'm all alone on that - and kinda hope someone understands at the same time.

In the photo with me is my dear Aunt Polly. She's been living in a home provided by a wonderful ministry that takes care of widows. However, at this point, her care needs have exceeded the scope of their capacity. I went to pick her up last week. She's staying with me until "we" whoever that is, can figure out a plan for her care. What an honor it is to be trusted with both her and my son's care. My heart is full - but so are my hands!

In the complexity of the situation and the overwhelming emotions, stress, and thinking, I've reached a conclusion that may seem unrelated. I want to live outside this box. Of course, I'm not talking about changing the "box" life's situations have put me in. What I mean is I don't want to be self-consumed with the things I deal with. It's so easy to do - and it's even fair. As caregivers, we have TONS on our plate. It can so easily become all about me.

Being given, or forced into, this situation lol - has me thinking. It's too easy to become self-absorbed with what's on our plate. In one way, it's natural. But I want to see past my box. Somehow, I want to touch other's lives with the gospel of peace. We can still be the light. There is always someone watching. In my deep contemplations, I've decided to find ways to minister to others. I refuse to be boxed in.

Obviously, I can't "go" to the mission field like my heart's desires were to do, but I can find ways to reach outside my box. I invited my neighbor over for coffee and forged a friendship with her. I really want to make baskets and take them to ICU waiting rooms. I'll fill them with items that we often don't have there like toothbrushes, small hand lotions, q-tips, snacks, etc. That's something that's been on my heart for a long time. It's time to do it - because I refuse to focus on myself. I want to focus on Him and His children. I'm going to live outside this box - even though I'm boxed in.

Today, I'm going to thank Him for my box. Seriously. I'm going to be thankful that I know Him in a capacity I might have never known had life never placed me in this box. I'll thank Him for His mercy, His grace to make it, His patience with me and then I'll thank Him again for being patient with me! lol I'll nestle right up next to His heart and listen for His breath as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

He Speaks

I was looking for a particular scripture this morning. I knew it said that nothing was impossible with God, and I knew it was in Jeremiah. Well, I found it but it didn't use the exact words I thought it did. It was okay though since I found a small treasure there I want to share with you today.

In Jeremiah 32, the prophet has been imprisoned for saying God's words. The kind didn't like that Jeremiah prophesied his doom because of an unrepentant heart. So he locked Jeremiah up in the prison. It can be easy for us to "lock up" words God speaks when we don't like them or if they don't agree or support our own theologies. That's an important truth I might expound on in some other writings, but what I want to focus on is found in verse 6.

Jeremiah 32:6 NLT says this: at that time God sent me a message. God came to Jeremiah and gave him some specific instructions. What stood out to me was that Jeremiah is in prison through no fault of his own, and God spoke. I can't say for sure what types of possibilities were going through the prophet's mind, but I'm sure the future didn't look too pleasant to him. there were a lot of really bad and really good outcomes possible. But God did not regard his situation as done. He didn't see Jeremiah too far gone, He didn't give up on the situation or judge by the circumstances. He reached down and spoke to Jeremiah right where He was.

This morning, I was greatly comforted by this passage. God really does see us. He knows our situation. He doesn't judge our hearts by the circumstances we have found ourselves in. He doesn't restrain His voice or restrict His promises because caregiving is beyond his sphere of influence. Nope! He reaches right into the very heart of the matter and He speaks.

That puts it back on us to not be so encumbered by our situations that we cannot hear Him. Hey, it can happen. Caregiving requires a lot out of us - no one doubts that. But it doesn't have to make our ears dull when it comes to hearing the gentle voice of God speak into our hearts.

Today, I'll be listening intently for His voice to speak into my "prison" cell. Maybe it's only those areas of my life and heart that I've locked up and away to keep them safe from life. My meditations will be on any closed in areas I'm protecting - and how I can turn my ear to His heart once again. I'll listen for Him to speak as I trust Him for one more day - will you join me?


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Faith-Full

I was completely refreshed this morning while reading in Lamentations. In church circles this Old Testament book isn't referred to very much. Jeremiah wrote it as he was in a deep state of grief over the captivity of his nation and people. He most likely shed many tears as he processed through the painful losses he watched. We don't often talk about grief or pain in Christian circles as those who experience and endure such things are considered faithless or substandard. It might be spoken out loud with words, but it is frequently communicated by actions and indirectly.

Many caregivers deal with some level of grief on a day to day basis. Jeremiah often called the "weeping prophet" gave in to his grief with tears and writing. In chapter 3 his prayer is: remember my affliction and y wandering, the wormwood and bitterness. Surely my soul remembers and is bowed down within me.  He is open and honest about how he feels - his memories weighed down his soul. I relate. Memories can be a wonderful blessing and soul agonizing at the same time.

Jeremiah goes on in verse 21 to say: this I call to mind, therefore I have hope. The Lord's lovingkindnesses indeed never cease, for His compassions never fail. they are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness. It's so good to remember He is faithful. Whether we are faithless, or full of faith- He stays at the always full of faith mark!

Jeremiah goes on to say, the Lord is my portion, therefore I have hope in Him." I for one am so thankful that He is my portion and He never gets tired of me and says - enough. One time I had a mentor who told me that people "couldn't handle" a lot of me. It didn't really hurt my feelings until later when I realized what she meant. lol.. I'm a bit slow sometimes. Father God never tells me that He doesn't have the patience to deal with me or my issues. He never says it's just too much for Him. Never has He said He was at the capacity of cares He could carry for a day... I will place my hope in Him - the One who carries it all - who carries us all and I will trust in Him.

Today, I will put all my efforts into trusting in His strength and not my own. I will rest in His faithful love and mercy and trust Him to carry me and all my "stuff" for one more day. Will you join me?

Immovable

My devotions this morning were centered on Psalm 125:1-2. This song of ascent states Those who trust in the Lord are as Mount Zion, which cannot be removed but abides forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people from this time forth and forever.

I read, then re-read these two verses. When we trust in Him - not ourselves, not our situations or abilities, we are immovable. It's taken me a long time to come back to saying this really - but I trust Him.

When my son was first injured I was angry with God for allowing it to happen. Afterall, I was headed to Africa so I was trusting Him to take care of my kids. The trip was abruptly halted with a phone call that Saturday morning in November 2008, and I no longer trusted Him. In my mind, He should have protected my son, or at least offered a sudden healing. When neither happened, I sunk down into despair. It's taken me a long time to be able to trust again. It's been a process.

First, I had to realize my feelings were normal for the situation. Then there was the process of working through them. But there are days when the process has to be worked back through, often over and over again....

I can now say that I trust Him again, even in the situation, and even though the situation hasn't changed. It's taken me 10 years to get here. My faith-er background taught me, perhaps indirectly, that I trusted Him so "bad things" wouldn't happen. But now I have to say I trust Him in every situation - good and bad. To some, it may sound like I've backslid concerning faith. But nothing is further from the truth.

We've talked about our Bible heroes many times and the fact that it was the stuff they went through and came out trusting Him that makes them a hero of the faith - not the lack of obstacles, but the going through, around, over, under or over in spite of adverse circumstances. We talk about Joseph a lot in Christian circles and refer to his years in the prison, but we pass over the many growing up years spent as a slave first. We discuss God's power to restore all that was taken from Job - without facing the truth that he first walked through losing everything. There is no restoration without loss. There can be no healing without sickness, no provision without lack and no relief without pain. It's all about going through. It's about trusting Him in the midst of life's storms.

Today, I will remind myself of His faithfulness and how worthy He is of my trust. My meditations will be on how He has not given up on me or left me alone in my situation. I'll think about how He walks with me and waits for me to look to Him for provision, peace, comfort and love. I'll lean into Him just a little closer today as I trust Him one more time for one more day. Will you join me?

He's Got This!

This morning my Bible seemed to fall open to Psalm 121 which is, of course, one of my favorites like all the others. It brings me a calm assurance that He is with me, He won't faint, He will keep me no matter what life may throw at me today. Each verse for me bears a promise I can hold on to.

I will life up my eyes to the hills, where shall my help come from?
Obviously, our help isn't in the mountains or the hills. One version reads "does my help come from there?" It does not. Maybe David was surveying the mountains around Jerusalem as he was asking for help and strength to face whatever might be present or next. He answers his own question in verse two.

My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.
This is a statement of faith. God is my help. Period. And since He created and sustains heaven and earth - He's big enough to walk through this situation with me - carrying me - helping me. I will keep my eyes on Him!

He will not allow your foot to slip; he who keeps you will not slumber or sleep.
He sustains me. I do not sustain myself. He will keep me from slipping, from falling beneath the load of caregiving, from the onslaught of my own emotions. He does not sleep on the job, won't doze off while I'm talking to Him, and is awake and attentive to my needs. He keeps me.

The Lord is your keeper; the Lord is your shade on your right hand.
I am not in charge of keeping me. He is. He will hold me, comfort me, and keep me intact spiritually, emotionally and physically. He is my shade - the protector of my right hand - signifying my "power." He provides my strength and provides protection for it by shading it from the heat. It's only up to me to stay under that shade where I am safe and secure.

The sun will not smite you by day, nor the moon by night.
I understand He protects us from the sun - the heat of the day which can dry us out. It can bear down on us and cause us to become dehydrated - exactly why we need to stay refreshed in His Spirit and the word. He keeps us from being dried out and getting blown away by the "heat" life turns up from time to time. But the moon? Who needs protection from the moon? I do. It is in those night seasons that the pain intensifies. It's those long nights when the fevers go high and my faith falls short. A long, lonely, dark night can sap the soul's strength. But He protects us from being smitten during the night seasons.

The Lord will protect you from evil; He will keep your soul.
God keeps the "forever" parts of us. The body may fail, but He keeps the soul - the part that makes us uniquely us. He keeps the part of us that lives on when the body dies, it's a forever protection. Talk about being "covered" by insurance! He's got us - nothing, absolutely nothing can get to our innermost being as long as we stay hidden in His heart. He protects the part of us that matters the most and nothing can harm our spirit. We are in Him.

The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in from this time forth and forever.
He's got this. He's got us. On the days, hours, minutes or the few seconds we may feel like we have it all together and under control - He's got us. On those days, weeks, months and years we feel like life is falling apart around us or going on without us - He's got us. Regardless of how we feel, He's got us. Forever.

Today, I will meditate on this psalm and the truths it contains. I will rest in Him just a little easier knowing He's got me covered day and night, He's guarding my heart and my soul, He is my shade and He watches over me purposefully intent on keeping me and presenting me before Himself spotless and pure. I will yield to Him today and trust that He's got this. He's got me! Will you join me?

Never Crossed His Mind

This morning as I got up and started doing my early morning caregiving tasks I had a part of a song stuck in my head. It was playing over and over. The phrase, there is no God like Jehovah! is part of the song, "Days of Elijah." It was going over and over in my head so I started thinking about that. After I got Chris changed and bolused I looked up a couple of scriptures.

In Isaiah 45 and 46 there are several verses that use the phrase there is no other God besides our Lord. As I read through the verses I thought about how there isn't any god like our God. As caregivers it can feel like we are thrown away by society or that there is no place for us in normalcy. But God never tosses us away. He chooses to walk through the dark days and nights with us. He's there for us when things go smoothly and times are bright too - He never leaves us. Actually, He doesn't even think about leaving us in our pain. The thought never crossed His mind. I let my thoughts settle right there for a minute.

He's not hanging around until He finds something better to do. He isn't walking through our very hectic lives on a contingency basis - if everything works out, or if we do this or that. He has moved right on in. Our pain doesn't frighten Him away. He isn't scared of our griefs or sorrows. People sometimes (if at all) may visit for a little bit to ease their own guilt for not wanting to be part of our lives, but He is not. He chooses to walk right in to our crazy caregiving caves and parks right there for the duration.

Have you ever had someone visit and you could tell they were counting the seconds until they could leave? Our situations can make people uncomfortable since they are not sure what to say or do. I get that, for real. They don't understand that it's quite alright to just sit there with us. Sometimes that's enough. He is not uncomfortable with us. He gladly sits in silence. His presence alone brings healing and hope to our hearts.

Today, I am going to set my mind on the fact that He is here and not looking for a way of escape. My heart is strangely comforted by the thought that He has no reason or desire to leave us emotionally stranded. I'll embrace that comfort today and I'll embrace Him today. My thoughts will be on His presence and His desire to walk this through with us. My meditations will be on His forever abiding presence indwelling us as believers. There's no ticket to punch to get off this ride! I'm going to rejoice that He wants to ride it with me and delights in carrying me when I need it. And with that I will rest in Him and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

In and Among

I was preparing for the morning devotions I do for a Facebook group I am a "pastor" for and found this gem this morning. Actually, I was looking for the verses in 2 Corinthians 7 where Paul said he and his team had conflict outside and fears within. But I didn't make it all the way down to that verse before I found a gem.

As I usually do, I started reading at the top of the page as I like things in context. But verse 16 in chapter 6 got my attention. It is a quote of a promise found in the Old Testament where God says, I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God and they will be my people.

What stands out to me is the phrase I will live in them and walk among them. we understand He lives in us and is with us, but for some reason as I read this familiar passage it stood out. I took comfort in the fact that He willingly lives inside me as well as walking through life with me. I'm not facing anything alone, or by myself.

As my eyes ran back over this phrase several times it brought comfort to my soul somehow. He didn't put us here in time and turn His back or walk away. Instead, He chooses to walk with us through each day no matter what we face. He never says the fire is too hot for his tastes. He doesn't ask me how I'm going to handle it as He makes an escape. He rests in me. He walks with me.

Today, I will be meditating on the truth that He is with me come what may. He abides inside my being, and He's got no plans of moving out! I'll rest in the truth that He is here to stay as I trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?