The Fight For Sanity

 Caregiving has a way of wearing on you. It's sometimes physical, but a lot of times it's the emotional side that gets to us. When I realized that I was dealing with what is called, "living grief" I allowed myself to grieve. We can lose a lot when we become caregivers, including who our loved ones were and our lifestyles. I had to come to grips with the fact that I lost my son in that wreck in November of 2008. Yet he didn't die. He's still here, but the son I knew is long gone. No matter how our caregiving is packaged - there's a lot to deal with.

This morning as I was reading 1 Chronicles 11 I came across the story of Benaiah again. There are literally three verses about him in the entire Bible. He was one of David's Mighty Men and a great warrior. In verse 22, it says that Benaiah chased a lion into a pit. Why would anyone do that to start with? But then it says that even though it was snowy and slippery in the pit - he killed the lion. Smh. 

Let me be clear. I do not want to chase a lion. I do not want to kill a lion. As a caregiver, I have enough coming at me to keep me busy and I'm not adding one more thing to the list! Lol. 

What I do want is to have this type of tenacity. Benaiah wasn't having anything that lion was serving up. I want to fight off the emotional vacuum that tries to suck me in with the same tenacity. I hope that I have Benaiah's attitude toward the lion - but about life. I'm not going down without a fight! I'll do all I can with what I have to keep my head above water and my heart latched to faith. It probably looks a lot more like treading water than chasing lions though, I'm just sayin'. But I don't care.

If I have to write one scripture down and read it 100 times a day for everyday for the rest of my life. Fine. If I have to bury my head in my pillow and scream my prayers. Fine. If I need to step outside and take a deep breath of fresh air to remind myself that I am still alive. So be it. But I refuse to let life's battle steal my faith, my hope in God, and my confidence that He is carrying me as needed.

Today, I'll remind myself that I'm not in this fight for my soul alone. We have each other, first off. But God has all of us. He carries our hearts, our emotions, and all those crazy thoughts we have each day. I'll remind myself that I don't have to fight the lion alone. God chooses to crawl into any pit I find myself in and be there with me. I love that about Him! I'll meditate on how He longs just to be close to us - and caregiving just made Him want to draw closer. I can rest in that truth as I trust Him just for today. Will you join me?

_________________________________________

Book of the Week!

21 Days

• ·         Are you a new Christian and you’re not sure how to build the habit of Bible reading?

  ·         Have you been looking for some encouragement to read your Bible?

  ·         What if it was actually very easy to read 5 minutes a day?

  ·         Do you need some practical and applicable ideas for developing Bible reading habits?

• Do you want to encourage a new believer in their Christian walk?

Grab a copy of 21 Days! I initially wrote it for the youth group I was pastoring to encourage them to develop the habit of reading their Bible every day.  A scripture is provided for each day, along with a thought or two about it. Then, there are more scriptures to read if there is time. The whole point is to make it easy to incorporate Bible reading into your daily schedule. It can be done in 5 minutes, or you can take up to 30 if you have the time. The point is just READ!

In the back of the book is a helpful list of actions you can take to help you incorporate Bible reading into your daily schedule. Use it over and over again, or gift it to someone who wants to learn how easy and rewarding it is to read the Bible every day. 

eBook: Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore 

Kindle or Print: Amazon Bookshelf

The Caregiver's Tapestry

 

Some of the older artisan arts and craftsmanship have become rare in our modern, digital-focused world. But some of them do still exist. Have you ever had the privilege of seeing a handmade tapestry? If you have, you know how beautiful a well-crafted piece can be. And if you've seen the front, you may have looked at the back which tells a whole different story. 

The front of a tapestry, or even an embroidered work, provides a beautiful image that is soothing to the eyes. The back looks like a bunch of chicken scratch. There's no sense to the image and the threads seem to go in every-which direction. It doesn't make sense. However, it is necessary to create the desired image on the viewable front of the tapestry.

Sometimes our lives can feel like the back of the tapestry that doesn't make sense, looks confusing, and leaves you scratching your head. But others see the front of our caregiving tapestry. It presents a beautifully woven image of love, care, hope, and faith. Those who really care, take time to look at the mess behind the image, just to learn what goes into making the image beautiful. Far too many, just glance at the image, nod and smile, then walk away. They don't take a deep dive into the caregiver's life, because it's not always pretty.

I like to imagine that God is working behind my caregiving life's tapestry and bringing all the different colors, lengths, and strengths of the strings together. Somehow, He turns the mess into something beautiful to behold. How does the song go? He turns graves into gardens. We know He turns the valley of pain into a door of hope - and a tapestry lets us understand a bit more about how He does it. He turns ashes into beauty. And He turns funky threads into beautiful images. 

I love thinking about how God is working behind the scenes to bring hope and beauty out of this situation. We feel grief and loss often. But God continues to share His grace, glory, and goodness with us. I'm so glad He didn't say our lives are too messy, the threads of our lives are too short or frayed to be used, or that He didn't have the imagination to create something beautiful out of our messy lives.

Today, I'll remind myself that God's woven Himself into the threads of my life. My meditations will be on how He continues to work behind the scenes to create something beautiful worth beholding. I'll be thankful that He keeps weaving His presence into the day-to-days of caregiving. He never stops. He never gives up. He just looks up from time to time to see the beautiful picture His grace is weaving in my life. I think I'll trust Him to weave Himself into one more day. Will you join me?

_________________________________________

Book of the Week!

21 Days

• ·         Are you a new Christian and you’re not sure how to build the habit of Bible reading?

  ·         Have you been looking for some encouragement to read your Bible?

  ·         What if it was actually very easy to read 5 minutes a day?

  ·         Do you need some practical and applicable ideas for developing Bible reading habits?

• Do you want to encourage a new believer in their Christian walk?

Grab a copy of 21 Days! I initially wrote it for the youth group I was pastoring to encourage them to develop the habit of reading their Bible every day.  A scripture is provided for each day, along with a thought or two about it. Then, there are more scriptures to read if there is time. The whole point is to make it easy to incorporate Bible reading into your daily schedule. It can be done in 5 minutes, or you can take up to 30 if you have the time. The point is just READ!

In the back of the book is a helpful list of actions you can take to help you incorporate Bible reading into your daily schedule. Use it over and over again, or gift it to someone who wants to learn how easy and rewarding it is to read the Bible every day. 

eBook: Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore 

Kindle or Print: Amazon Bookshelf

Just a Caretaker

 Jesse sent David to check on his brothers and take them some food. He just wanted to hear that his sons were surviving the war. David, so unassuming, arrives on the scene to find that Goliath has stalled the war out with his threats and challenges. The Israelites, including David's brothers, were frozen in fear and unsure what to do. David started asking all the right questions. Who is this uncircumcised Philistine? 

The next thing you know, David's getting ready to go take down the giant. He never stated anything otherwise. In fact, he told King Saul that he had killed a lion and bear on occasion when they threatened his sheep. Now that's a caretaker. David didn't see Goliath as more than anything threatening to harm what was his. But David's brother, Eliab, felt differently. He asked David, openly, on purpose, and just to try to demean and discourage him (in his own sight and in others), where are those little sheep you take care of?

David didn't bat an eye, but just kept on asking, what do I get when I kill the giant? He was laser focused on protecting what was God's. His brother just saw him as a caretaker of sheep.

Caregiving is an honor. We are trusted with caring for a loved one. But those who do not understand the totality of that think we are "just a caretaker." Boy, that's not the whole picture at all! We are not sitting around just taking care of our loved one's needs - there's not much sitting involved at all, actually. Lol. While we do that well - just let something rare up against us or threaten the safety of our loved one - the dragon slayer will come out! 

Eliab missed the whole point. The caretaker, David, in this case, would move heaven and earth, lions and bears, giants and big brothers to protect what was his and God's. Holding on to faith in the middle of the fight often takes the same tenacity, doesn't it? We are not "just" caregivers. We are lion slayers. We are bear chasers. We are get out of my way so we can take care of this situation people who know how to trust God for victory day after day.

And sometimes - that's just to keep our heads above the proverbial waters so our faith stays alive and our hearts stay connected to God. As difficult as caregiving can be - the fight to perservere in our faith is the real battle.

Today, I'll remind myself that God is with me in this battle and I'm not facing today's giants alone - or as a caregiver. I'm facing each of them as an anointed, chosen child of God. I'm so thankful for the spiritual things that did not change when I took on caregiving. My meditations today will be on how He continues to sustain me, watch over my soul, and remind me that I am His. So, I can trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

_________________________________________

Book of the Week!

1 John Study Guide

• ·         Are you a new Christian and you’re not sure how to build the habit of Bible reading?

  ·         Have you been looking for some encouragement to read your Bible?

  ·         What if it was actually very easy to read 5 minutes a day?

  ·         Do you need some practical and applicable ideas for developing Bible reading habits?

• Do you want to encourage a new believer in their Christian walk?

Grab a copy of 21 Days! I initially wrote it for the youth group I was pastoring to encourage them to develop the habit of reading their Bible every day.  A scripture is provided for each day, along with a thought or two about it. Then, there are more scriptures to read if there is time. The whole point is to make it easy to incorporate Bible reading into your daily schedule. It can be done in 5 minutes, or you can take up to 30 if you have the time. The point is just READ!

In the back of the book is a helpful list of actions you can take to help you incorporate Bible reading into your daily schedule. Use it over and over again, or gift it to someone who wants to learn how easy and rewarding it is to read the Bible every day. 

eBook: Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore 

Kindle or Print: Amazon Bookshelf

Inseparable

 

I love social media most of the time. It has some benefits as well as some disadvantages. One thing I enjoy is being able to connect with friends and family. I also like meeting new friends. I use social media pretty much every day. In the mornings, I do a Facebook Live devotional called Peace Out! I started it during the pandemic, and there hasn't seemed like there was a good place to stop since we all still need to peace out. 

The other ones I don't use as much. I do have a YouTube channel and an Instagram account. I also just recently started a TikTok channel. I mostly used it to post shorts taken from my morning FaceBook Live devotionals. I was getting about 200 views a day and they just dropped to 15 -20 views a day. But I started putting up caregiving videos of me transferring my son, him moving around, and other improvements. Those started getting 2-300 views, but devotional videos barely get any. My thought was this - I want to find a way to "marry" the two.

I'm not sure why people want to watch me work with my son. But it's impossible to separate my caregiving from my faith. They are definitely married and inseparable. 

It's only through faith that I can keep going at all. How could you take one without the other? So, I'm working on some ideas for videos that marry the two. I want others to understand that God doesn't leave when we become caregivers. Actually, He is our ultimate caregiver! 

The two are so inseparable in my mind and heart that I can't imagine trying to get up and care for my son without relying on God. Is there something, someone better than that? Stronger than Him? I think not. 

After my son's accident, I discovered a new definition and reality of faith. It's not a force that keeps bad things from happening. Instead, it's a force that keeps us close to God in the middle of the stuff. It's what carried Daniel through that long, dark night in the lion's den. It's what walked through the fire with the three Hebrew children. It's what met Moses on the back side of the wilderness where he was hiding from his past. It's what stirred up David to run to the fight with Goliath - knowing he was going to win! We have this same faith in the same God who is going to carry us through our struggles, too.

Today, I'll remind myself that God did not separate faith from my circumstances. In fact, it's faith that drags God right into the middle of the mix! But He comes willingly just to help us get through. My meditations will be on how God is not afraid of this journey. He walks the path right beside me and you. He didn't say it's too rough. Too rocky. Too hard or too soft for His taste. He just keeps holding us up and walking with us - right there for when we realize we still need Him. I know He will walk beside me today and carry me as needed. I think I can trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

_________________________________________

Book of the Week!

1 John Study Guide

• ·         What does it mean to be loved by God?

  ·         What happens when God lives in us?

  ·         Are you ready for a deep dive into God’s love?

  ·         What does God really think about you?

• ·         How is it possible to be a child of God?

Grab a copy of the 1 John Bible Study Guide! It’s like John decided to write an expository letter about John 3:16. Oh, how He loves us! Until we get that – we won’t get much else! Take a walk through this powerful, life-changing epistle written to the early Christians.

Take the journey through these five chapters and learn more about your heart and God's heart. Find your own answers and new insights as you work through the series of thought-provoking questions that lead you to God's heart.

eBook: Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore 

Kindle or Print: Amazon Bookshelf

Over and Over Again

 

If there's anything caregivers understand, it's how the days roll by as we do all the same tasks over and over again. Of course, there's always that underlying "what if" ready to throw a wrench in our day with a trip to the ER, a call to the doctor, or an aide or supplies that don't show up. Part of our over and over again situation means constantly being ready to make do and live in "go" mode for the unexpected.

The crazy things prepared for and aside, most of our days are comprised of tasks we do over and over. Some things are common to every household, we just get the complicated versions. Laundry, for instance. Everyone does laundry, but when you care for someone who is incontinent, it adds another layer of complexity to ensure they stay dry and laundry is always done. Cooking is another example. If your loved one needs anything special at all, a basic everyday task becomes complicated and time-consuming. I tube feed my son a real food diet, which means I cook and prepare everything, then blend it to the proper consistency to put through his tube. Cooking is normal - our versions - not so much. Lol.

Days go on and on with things we do over and over again. Now that we've mastered the art of repetitive actions - we can apply them somewhere else! Lol.

Psalm 71: 14 says But I will hope continually, and will praise you yet more and more. (NLT) I'm wondering this morning if we can just figure out how to hope in Him continually. There must be some way to set our souls on automatic wash-rinse-repeat cycles so that no matter what shows up, goes away, comes down, or anything in between, we automatically turn to Him. Maybe that button is found in verse 1. The psalmist started this psalm with a declaration: In You, O Lord, I put my trust. That is where our hope starts and continues. It's as basic as deciding to trust Him with all our whatevers...on and on, over and over again.

Today, I'll remind my soul that God is trustworthy. One thing is certain - He's earned my trust. I won't let my "hope" look away from His grace for even one second. Instead, I will declare with the psalmist that all my hope and trust are in Him. I'll spend today waiting for His answers to my most pressing questions. I'll try not to wriggle around too much while I wait for Him and trust Him for one more day. Will you join me?

___________________________________________

Book of the Week!

1 John Study Guide

• ·         What does it mean to be loved by God?

  ·         What happens when God lives in us?

  ·         Are you ready for a deep dive into God’s love?

  ·         What does God really think about you?

• ·         How is it possible to be a child of God?

Grab a copy of the 1 John Bible Study Guide! It’s like John decided to write an expository letter about John 3:16. Oh, how He loves us! Until we get that – we won’t get much else! Take a walk through this powerful, life-changing epistle written to the early Christians.

Take the journey through these five chapters and learn more about your heart and God's heart. Find your own answers and new insights as you work through the series of thought-provoking questions that lead you to God's heart.

eBook: Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore 

Kindle or Print: Amazon Bookshelf

Blooming Deserts

Paul reminds us in Romans 8 that God makes everything work out for good as we trust Him. But it's interesting that this concept is throughout the Old Testament, too. When I find a passage that is really speaking to my heart, I camp there. So, since yesterday, I've been camped out in Isaiah 51 and 52. I've read these two chapters several times and even read them out loud a time or two...

Yesterday, I thought a lot about verse 2, which says, "Abraham was alone when I called him. But when I blessed him, he became a great nation." Since we can feel alone and be alone so much of the time, this verse was encouraging to me. But this morning, I've been sitting on verse 3, which says, "The Lord will comfort Israel (Jakob) again and make her deserts blossom. Her barren wilderness will become as beautiful as Eden - the garden of the Lord." 

The caregiving journey can feel so very barren at times. We can wonder if God can bring anything good out of the dry and barren experiences. This verse encourages me and reminds us that He sees right where we are and will cause the desert experience to bloom and become beautiful. It made me think of Hosea 2:15, which reminds us God makes our valleys of pain or trouble into gateways of hope. 

No matter what our caregiving days look like, how "easy" they may be or how difficult - God is a florist, always causing goodness, grace, and mercy to bloom beautifully in our lives. Even if it feels like the desert, it doesn't mean there's no life - God is the source of our life. He waters our parched souls. One of my favorite songwriters is Dennis Jernigan. There's a line in one of his songs that says, "The drier the land, the sweeter the rain." We can appreciate the rain of heaven as it falls on our parched souls and brings refreshing we can't even explain. Fellowshiping with God always brings birth and growth. We can trust Him for that!

Today, I am determined to soak in some of the rain of heaven on my soul. My prayer will be that God will show me the growth in this desert. I'll wait for His grace, mercy, and strength for today as I trust that He is indeed working all things out for good - even in this place. I'll look for the door of hope - and when I find it - I'll walk right through it into thanksgiving. I'm thankful He has not abandoned my soul - He keeps it close to His heart, where I can grow in Him! I can trust Him for one more day. Will you join me? 

________________________________________________

Book of the Week!

1 John Study Guide

• ·         What does it mean to be loved by God?

  ·         What happens when God lives in us?

  ·         Are you ready for a deep dive into God’s love?

  ·         What does God really think about you?

• ·         How is it possible to be a child of God?

Grab a copy of the 1 John Bible Study Guide! It’s like John decided to write an expository letter about John 3:16. Oh, how He loves us! Until we get that – we won’t get much else! Take a walk through this powerful, life-changing epistle written to the early Christians.

Take the journey through these five chapters and learn more about your heart and God's heart. Find your own answers and new insights as you work through the series of thought-provoking questions that lead you to God's heart.

eBook: Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore 

Kindle or Print: Amazon Bookshelf

No Wine Needed

 This morning, as I was preparing to go live on Facebook for Peace Out devotions, I found this really cool scripture in Isaiah 51. In verse 21, the prophet says, now listen to this, you afflicted ones, who sit in a drunken stupor, though not from drinking wine. (NLT) I was like, Wow! How many times on this caregiving journey have I felt just like that? I wouldn't even venture a guess. Usually, I describe it as those sit-drink-coffee-stare-at-the-wall moments. 

Trauma itself can have that effect, as can the ongoing struggles of caregiving. It's easy to get overwhelmed and even underwhelmed, lol. I think we've all had those moments where we go numb. And we didn't use a glass of wine to get us there! :-) Overwhelming is often an understatement when it comes to caregiving. There are just those days when there are no words and no one to understand, even if we tried. Those days are often filled with heavy sighs, and they are perfect for learning to wait on God. But boy, are they uncomfortable! 

To be fair, this passage is to a specific people at a specific time, and they were indeed afflicted. But if you look back up at verse 16, you'll see that the prophet reminded them that they were hidden in God's hands. He was carrying their hearts, their wounds, their struggles, and their situations in His capable hands. But He also had them hidden in His hand. I like the picture that comes up in my imagination. God's loving hand gently holding me and my soul back from sure destruction. I think that's how we live out each day, knowing He's got us come what may. 

The final part of verse 16 says it all. He tells Israel, "You are mine." I think He whispers this same thing in our hearts today - we are His and there's no storm strong enough to rip us from His hands. We are secure in Him and His gentle reminder that He's got us is all we need to make it through another day.

Today, I'll meditate on how He holds me in His hand. (Singular hand, btw!) When things get rough or complicated, I'll remind myself that He is still holding me and that there is absolutely nothing in heaven or in earth that can make Him let go of my heart - even if I'm sitting in a drunken stupor with no wine involved. The storms can remove me. Strong winds can't sway me. Absolutely nothing can rip me from His grip of grace. So, I will be content to rest in His hand as He carries me through just one more day. Will you join me?

__________________________________________________

Book of the Week!

1 John Study Guide

• ·         What does it mean to be loved by God?

  ·         What happens when God lives in us?

  ·         Are you ready for a deep dive into God’s love?

  ·         What does God really think about you?

• ·         How is it possible to be a child of God?

Grab a copy of the 1 John Bible Study Guide! It’s like John decided to write an expository letter about John 3:16. Oh, how He loves us! Until we get that – we won’t get much else! Take a walk through this powerful, life-changing epistle written to the early Christians.

Take the journey through these five chapters and learn more about your heart and God's heart. Find your own answers and new insights as you work through the series of thought-provoking questions that lead you to God's heart.

eBook: Dove's Fire Ministries Bookstore 

Kindle or Print: Amazon Bookshelf